Romance / love note.

This person must be of real sentimental value to you, as it clearly shows in what you have written. It was an absolute joy to read that submission and I look forward to reading further submissions from you.

Well done

I don’t know if I like this or not. It is kinda cheap and cliched, but gets its point across well enough. And I truly hope that you are Nicole (Blind reviewing and all) because otherwise I feel bad for the girl, having her feelings spread across the internet.

“Not the fake photo-op smile either. It’s more like teeth hurts, goofy, idiot smile.”  Try getting rid of ‘either’ and consider combining these two sentences.  ”I like touching you” seems out of place.  It seems to belong more with “You’re beautiful”.  I’ve noticed ‘and’ is overused, as is “I just want you to know”.  This is written as one long paragraph.  Consider organizing your thoughts and making more paragraphs.  Lucky guy to have someone who cares for him so much.      

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May 11, 2007

by PiPsucks

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
145	68.2% (22 votes)	30.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Chester, NY	July 18

lucky girl..Ha
Thanks for the review.

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Well, whoever received this love note must have been a lucky guy.  What I would do to get a note like this.  But I am the girl, and guys don’t usually have it in them to write love notes.  This is genuinely heart felt and sweet.

I enjoyed reading this. It made me think of my boyfriend, which put a smile on my face.
I have no suggestions for editing this letter (if that was your intention for putting it on here) because I feel that this came from the heart, and that is all that matters. It doesnt need any improvement, because you spoke of how you felt, and that doesnt need any editing.
Whoever receives this is obviously a very special person to you. I wish you the best!

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May 11, 2007

by PiPsucks

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
145	68.2% (22 votes)	30.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Chester, NY	July 18

Thanks so much for your review.

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Very nice letter, Nicole. Whoever he is (or she, but statistically speaking, probably a he :) , he’s a lucky guy. Hopefully, you’ll never lose that feeling.

Be well.

There seem to me to be two distinct voices. They sound odd together, to my ear.  One is the voice of the lover.  The other is the voice of the commentator, the analyst, the bystander one step back from the action.

I’ve separated the voices below, for interest.

Voice A

Dearest ,
Thinking of you makes me smile.  I like touching you.  I’ll love [today] because it’s us together. I’ve been wearing your jacket [for luck.]   You have my heart and  I love you. When I see you I  feel better.You  give me  happiness.  I’m here for you. You’re soft and delicate. You’re beautiful. You have an amazing personality. You’re kind, generous, loving, funny, intelligent, ambitious, and talented.  I really care about you. You’re  in my thoughts.  I’m going to miss you [very] much. I wish  you [didn’t have] to leave.  I love you.

Nicole.

Voice B

[By the way, that’s] not the fake photo-op smile either. It’s more like [the] teeth hurts, goofy, idiot smile. Whatever your surprise is today … I think you’re right … I want you to know that … I immediately [,] always feel better around you and I just want you to know that. And I know you probably know that you are one of the only things in my life right now .  I want you to know that I’m here for you.  It’s not only your appearance, but I think you … hold my happiness in your arms. Is that alright? I hope I haven’t confessed too much on this paper, with this pen. I want you to know I really [,] always [am] not going to be able to stop thinking about you for even a second while you are away. I just wanted to tell you that… in the next few days … I wish this time never came and you never had to leave.

Most assuredly yours,

You will notice that the second voice is heavy with “adverbials” (phrases and clauses used as adverbs)  and “adjectivals”.   That is, the sentences are dragged down with modifications and qualifications.

The  first voice, in contrast, is rich with verbs, nouns, and adjectives used after “You are …”, that is, it’s bursting with actions and ideas.

I hope this approach is helpful.  Only you can decide.  If you do decide to work on the first voice, my next suggestion is to arrange the ideas in some sort of order.  One way would be in time: past feelings, present feelings, the imminent separation, and hopes for the future.

Kind regards
Ann
www.lulu.com/AnnEnglish

Not bad… tell me where is this jerk at today?

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May 11, 2007

by PiPsucks

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
145	68.2% (22 votes)	30.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Chester, NY	July 18

Haha. Exactly. Well me and the ‘jerk’ are no longer together.

December 06, 2007

by pjwilson

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
376	49.1% (53 votes)	84.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
28	M	Brunswick, GA	August 16

Good deal!

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This letter, though simple, was beautifully written. It didnt come across as fake, it seemed that all the words were filled with emotion. I love the fact that you talked about the jacket. It gives the reader a deeper since of the silly feelings we get even when we can just touch something that the one who holds our hearts has touched. I loved the uncertainty of the character when she asks if she was revealing too much. I think a lot of women can relate to that. This was beautiful letter.