Poetry / Absent

This endless pain forever tearing at my heart
These endless days never seem to never start
I’ve got nothing to live for and no reason to die
Always hating the world with its endless plights

Rage consumes my heart and forces the hate from my chest
Released upon an unsuspecting world
This fury wind carries such great power
A foreshadow of the worlds impending doom

The flames disappear along with everyones dreams
To be scattered across the expanse of nothingness
Crushed dreams and shattered hopes are all around
Nothing can save us from hitting the ground

Without hope and absent of dreams is how we’ll be
Wandering direction less and aimlessly
Our thoughts are jumbled and our minds are blank
Black nothingness surrounding a sea of hate

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
tia_logic avatar General Stranger

May 21, 2007

tia_logic

personal info reviewer stats
tia_logic reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Ok. This might sound harsh. As a group, teenaged people have a certain profile when it comes to poetry. You have embodied it in this piece. I do not try to belittle your feelings or convictions, only a warning. If you want your point to get to people, to make people think, you have to find a new, fresh way of saying it. Otherwise, people will judge it before they even give you a chance.

The last line of the piece is a cliche phrase, expanses of nothingness, hoplessness, endless pain, the word plight, doom. All cliches. Also, for a heads up, other typical teen-angst poetry will include desolation, soulmate and refrences to the devil. You’re better than this, you just have to make yourself not give into this. It’s too easy. Challenge yourself.

Good luck.

Love, love.

Showing 1 - 1 of 1

Creator
trez767 avatar

trez767

Age: 19
Loc: Plymouth, WI
Gen: M
Last Login: January 01
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

1 Review 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Tags

There are no tags for this item.