I’ve left incisions –
Broken and discarded thoughts;
Failed to follow through.
Forgot to make sense,
Made what was gracious unkind
With a gestured thought.
It all becomes small,
Ritualistic cement
Making me taller.
The truth will follow
Another attempt at flight
Relax, ride the hope…
Unbridled passion
Not forgotten, abandoned –
Just leavened and proved.
Turning corners of
Commonplace complexities,
No miniscule feat.
Too small to offer
To honest to keep alone -
Creatures of the light
I’ve had delusions,
Insecurity creates
A superb rival.
A trivial quest
Surviving the elements,
The being, unmasked.
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This 21 word review has not been unlocked.
“assume my fate.
I’ve left incisions –”
With finesse and a delicate choice of words, this poet takes us on an intimate journey of reflection and deep sentiment.
“Sleep abates once more
Released from its tyranny
To yet again roam.”
True introspection is lacking in many writers, but not here. The songwriter puts here posture aside and has no fear of revealing a profound subtlety in the human condition. She is brief, yet vivid in her passion. A fine example of easy flowing words conveying a plenitude of depth.
“I indulge in dreams
Too small to offer
To honest to keep alone -
Creatures of the light”
Modesty in good writing is not essential depending on the subject matter tackled, yet this fascinating female poet is both modest and meaningful. If her poetry here is an indication of her lyrics, then I certain there will be many who will be intrigued to listen.
Anthony
The line I loved the most was:
Made what was gracious unkind
That to me was just very well written.
On the whole I liked this. The Haiku meter flowed so well. It gave a jarring and a fluid motion that I couldn’t miss.
A trivial quest
Surviving the elements,
The being, unmasked
I thought this the weakest part of this. It was too anti-climatic, even though I like things to be understated. I think this could be easily replaced.
Nice work though.
To honest to keep alone – too honest to keep alone…
First, I must say, this is a long Haiku.
Second, I really like this writing.
I think this was very creative in the way you placed your words and used them to express yourself. Maybe consider posting it as a poem?
However, if it is a Haiku to you, then Haiku it is!
Great writings! Keep up the beautiful work!
May God bless you and yours!
Your friend,
“Brand new lovely”
I’ve never really seen anyone try to do this before, but maybe that’s because I’ve led a sheltered life. I love the third haiku where there’s a bit of alliteration between lines with “gracious” and “gestured”. I would use punctuation in your piece, though, to keep it from sounding like one long rush. That’s my only criticism.
Nit Pics
“incisions”: I think it needs some other 3 syllable word. Maybe “collisions” or “decisions”?
“Making me taller” I don’t follow the meaning of this. Perhaps change “taller” to some other 2 syllable word. Maybe “falter” or “holler”?
Big Pic
I’ve seen haiku series before. As to the meaning implied, I’m not sure. The title says the Desired, but the poem suggests to me undesired. Perhaps adding a few more to the series would make it more clear?
Usually if there is more than one haiku on a particular subject, they are a pair. It is usually no more than two. Usually. But I like this. ”Ritualistic cement” is a good description. But how does it make you taller? Is the second verse how you assume your fate? If not, maybe you should add one about how you assume your fate.
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