Poetry / Real Bikers Never Cry

I loved this. I can’t really find any thing negative, or bad to say except,”Real bikers never cry
It’s just something in my eyes”

You might want to put a comma between “cry” and “it’s” Just my thoughts.

I really dig this.
The second and third stanzas threw me offa tad bit, but that might be because I haven’t the faintest idea about bikers of any sort….I don’t know.
Otherwise, I loved it.
There’s something about the whole “There’s something in my eyes” bit that makes me smile a little but also makes me sad.  Good mixture of emotions. I dig it.

Obviously the man is crying.  I’ll never understand why men try to hide their tears.  I’ve lost friends, family, and I can’t help it.

All my friends are close, there is no denyin it.  When we lost Kieo, it was devastating.  We all cried in one way or another.  And when he came back, sorta, yah, just read my stuff.

Anyway, I like the poem.  It shows emotion, some imagery, I wouldn’t mind seeing some dialogue or some details into the friends deaths.  This could add some more depth to the poem.

The poem has got staying power It’s not force in rhyme or sing song sweet.
The scheme and structure are well thought out with and even beat and flow thought out your poem. I have one concern. Is this word a typo “cager” I looked it up but that did nothing to help me understand It’s some kind of lifter? and if not what is it suppose to be. Other then that you have written a good and strong poem.

Wow.  I’m not big on poems, but I like this, probably because it IS different as you said.  There was some jargon I didn’t understand as a non-rider:  cagers, scoots.  But it didn’t detract really, more just showed that you’re living it, not acting the part.
I would like to see more consistency.  There’s today, the cheeseburger, Tommy (love the raccoon eyes), then to not riding again and three guys dying “that same year.”  When is that year?  Is not riding again because of getting hit?
The eyes theme running through is excellent, but not overbearing.  ”There’s something in my eyes” your use of it in this place is perfect.
The second to last stanza is excellent.  Good job.

This is a sweet poem, and it’s very sympathetic and straight from the heart.  It’s best to write what you know, and you’ve done that.  I can see a big burly biker guy crying at “Bambi” – that kind of thing.  

As for technicalities, there was a spelling mistake in the fourth stanza, third line – [Damn] is spelt wrong..also, might I suggest putting a period every time you say “It’s just something in my eyes” – it would look more concrete.  There’s an overuse of “guys”, but that’s about it.  Like I said, I really like it, and it’s genuine.

Good work, and thanks for the read!

Awesome. The emotional attachment to the riding and the friends made riding simply explode off the page. I’ve never been on a bike, but every word just immediately and perfectly related to a twenty year passion I had for my sport. I’m sure that anybody reading this will relate it immediate to whatever their passion once was.
One thing I would suggest (and it may not work given the machismo associated with bikers) would be to progress the “something my eyes” from be certain their not tears, to less certain as the poem continues and conclude by admitting they just possibly might be tears, similiar to how Jimmy Buffett progress from nobody’s fault to ‘my own damn fault, it his song ‘Margaritaville’.
Either way this a definite 10 that really strikes a nerve. I’d rave about it more, but I’ve got something in my eyes. :)

I love the read. Its clean and strong and I am in the biker’s presence.  ”I did 500 miles today…To get a cheeseburger with the guys” A perfect line.
  ”Lifelong severed ties”...the grit of this critical line is obscured. i am interpreting this as death severing the ties, not life. How about “Life long rides severed..”?  Also, I’d drop this pivotal fourth verse down; sequentially it would make more sense.
   Finally, if it would not alter your telling, I’d switch off the first and last stanzas. “Sometimes I hear the bikes leaving. Early with the sunrise..”Hooks with the sensory image of bikes leaving and sunrise. A STRONG LEAD.
   “I did 500 miles today…To get a cheeseburger with the guys.”  Ends in a stellar image, with hope riding it off, surviving the fallout of loss.
   This poem was very engaging; and portrayed the biker’s angst in plain biker colloquialism; no excess sentiments.  I believe the rethinking the sequence would complete its impact. Thank you so much for a wonderful read. Sarai

I love it! It’s serious, it’s funny, it’s whimsical, it’s sad all in one poem. I’d love to use this in my classroom for poetry!

Some suggestions:
I got whacked on my scoot
“Was it your fault? No lies.”
No baby, I was good.
The cager had closed eyes.—Not being a biker, I don’t understand this selection.

Sometimes I hear the bikes leaving
Early with the sunrise—It doesn’t flow as well as the other stanzas. It’s something in the second line, I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

Love your stuff!

not sure why you think you’re going to catch crap for this one, unless you are used to people looking at you as macho.

decent poem, and yes, it is something real.

for the most part all the stanzas flowed pretty well except for the one  that was started with the line about losing three friends. actually stuttered while reading this, just needs a tweak on words.

the problem that I can see as a reader is that while the author is saddened by the loss, we never care that you have lost friends.  what happened to them, why were they your friends.  we get a better feeling for your bike and the love of riding, but don’t feel connected to your friends which is the reason you are upset.

hope that made sense.