Poetry / Mothers (Analysis)
Mother’s love is sweet and pure.
Mothers have the cure
For every ailment.
Mothers commit
To raising their kids.
Mothers forbids
Us to do wrong
For we belong
To our mothers for eternity.
Mother’s compassion is never-ending.
Mother’s sympathize with us.
Mother’s are the world’s greatest listeners
For our imagination
Can come up with a lot of things.
Mother’s teachings are strict and proper,
But is there to guide us
Along the right path.
Mother’s touch is soft and gentle.
Mother’s touch helps to heal us from our ailment.
Mother’s touch also provides security
And keeps us feeling safe.
Mother’s voice is so heavenly
That it calms our nerves
At a moments notice.
Mother’s voice can be strict and stern
When we’ve done wrong.
When our mothers need to be cared for
Be sure to provide for them
With the same things that they used to raise us.
For our love to our mothers
Should be never-ending as well.
Listen to your mother
And treat her with respect
For she is also your best friend.
I love you, mother.
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Not bad, and you had a good message: to treat our mothers as well as they’ve treated us. I wish more people would remember that.
As far as grammar and presentation go, I think this poem needs a lot of work before it’s publishable. Your word choice could be a bit more diverse: for example, you use “ailments” twice. Also watch your punctuation, and avoid vague statements like, ”... our imagination can come up with a lot of things.” Some well-placed metaphors would definitely help.
The repetitive nature of the poem took away from it, in my opinion, and made it seem more like a nursery rhyme or something from a Hallmark card, unfortunately. I think this poem has a lot of potential, if you stay away from cliches and explore your ability as a poet to find an original way to say something from the heart. Keep writing, and I hope to see more. :)
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