CHAPTER 2 “The smiler with the knife under the cloak.”—-Chaucer, The Canterbury tales
I must have slept for quite a while after that. I was still pretty groggy when I heard Angie talking with someone who sounded like Danny.
“I guess it’s time to get her ready. Covington is gonna flip when he sees our sweet little Pavlova. That horny old goat.” Danny chuckled to himself sounding awfully pleased. “With the kid bein’ so depressed and all, how damn convenient that the cops will just think she ran away. Well, like we said, they’ll stop lookin’ for her after a while. No harm…no foul!”
Ran away? What was he talking about?
Angie smiled at me as I struggled to focus. Danny’s voice droned on, “Just think, baby, if my band hadn’t broken up I never would have seen that ad for a pianist at a damned ballet school of all things.”
<>>
The first time I saw Danny, I was sitting in a corner on a folding chair watching the dancers. He was the new piano player at the Kasarvina Academy.
He would stare at me and tell me how beautiful I was. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore.
I just followed the same routine every day. After school I walked the block to the bus stop and took the short ride to the Academy. I walked in, hugged Madam Kasarvina, and then, without a word, went to my folding chair at the far side of the studio to watch the class. But I didn’t dance. I couldn’t. Now all I did was watch the others.
When the class was over, I got up, hugged Madam Kasarvina and left. Danny would try to tease me about having the saddest eyes he had ever seen. But he didn’t get a rise out of me. I simply didn’t care.
CHAPTER 3 “Oft expectation fails and most oft there where most it promises, and oft it hits where hope is coldest and despair most fits.” —-Shakespere, Alls Well That Ends Well
When Danny finally questioned his employer about Sandra, Tanya Kasarvina’s eyes filled with sadness.
She inhaled sharply and said, “Danny, last year was time for what you call big payoff. She is ready to be professional. So, I call my friends at New York City Ballet Company. From time Sandra was little girl, I know she will be star. No question. What you see now is not my Sandra. Only hollow shell is left. Before, when she dances, stage lights up with her passion. When she smiles at you, is magic. Now, no friends, no hope, no life…no fire.”
Danny tapped his forehead. ”I get it. I guess they sent a scout and he didn’t think she was as good as you did?”
“As good?” Tanya allowed herself a bitter laugh. “He was enchanted. Next day, Carl Javits himself…director of company…calls. He is coming to Chicago to see Sandra.
Her voice cracked with emotion. “He comes, but stupid mother says wait till eighteen, this is nonsense for girl only sixteen.” The coach shook her head. “She treats Sandra’s talent same as little sister grinding out off key songs on second hand accordion. No more dancing for Sandra, she says.” Tanya Kasarvina paused, and then spat out in a measured tone, “…listens to nothing and no one …New York City Ballet will have to wait she says.”
Danny looked stunned. “The old dame lets an opportunity like that go down the drain? No wonder poor Sandy’s checked out. Couldn’t you do anything?”
“Nyet. Mr. Javits offers everything he can think of…contract, chaperones, tutors. Everyone tries to change stupid pig’s mind.” She inhaled again, letting the air fill her lungs.
“Didn’t her mother see what was happening to her?” he asked.
“No, Danny. Sarah Barton is woman who only sees one way. Meanwhile, months pass. Then it is over. Mr. Javits gives up. Sandra is failing in school, crying all the time and even talks of killing self.”
In an instant Danny realized that if Sandra were to disappear, everyone would think she ran away.
“She is like daughter to me, Danny.” She stopped, fighting to gain control of her shaking voice. “When her heart breaks, my heart breaks, but, how you say, my hands are all tied up. Every day she comes and watches with dead eyes. I think she will never dance again. Spirit is gone.”
Tanya’s voice broke as she excused herself. Danny could hear her crying behind the closed door of her office.
This was their magic ticket! When he got home he grabbed Angie, gave her a big kiss and told her to sit down. ”Angie, you gotta see this kid. Looks kinda like Elizabeth Taylor. A real beauty. I’m tellin’ you we can pull it off. Go sign up for some lessons. It’ll be good exercise for you.”
Angie glared at him. “Are you saying I need exercise?”
“Nah, it’s a way to get close to her. I know we can snatch this kid and make a deal with Martin D’Angelo for enough dough to get us outta this berg. What’s the couple of bucks he gives us for directin’ kids to him who want to hook compared to the thousands we can get for someone like her?”
Danny knew Angie had done a lot of things to survive, including hooking and lifting money from the wallets of unsuspecting Johns. But when he proposed kidnapping, that was different. She was dumbfounded. She yelled, “Are you friggin’ nuts? In some circles what you’re planning to do is called white slavery, you nut. Count me out!”
He said nothing knowing she would reconsider. And she had. A few minutes passed and she said, “Danny, if what you say is true, you could be right. They would stop looking for her after a while.”
“You bet, baby. Think about it. Virgin pussy. Beautiful, teenage, virgin pussy. Being forced to do it to them. Some of Marty’s regulars will pay big dollars for her, baby. Trust me.”
So, after wrestling with her conscience and losing, Angie finally signed up for classes as Danny suggested.
<>>
After a few weeks she approached Sandra and spoke to her. She took it slow, finally deciding to invite Sandra to lunch after a Saturday class. To her surprise, the girl accepted. Next she began stopping by her house on the weekends, taking her out to the movies or lunch.
Danny was right. Sandra was truly beautiful and when she flashed a rare smile, she was breathtaking. She was warming up to Angie, but to everyone else she still looked about the same…completely downhearted. Angie kept watching and waiting for the time to be right. It had to be soon.
There was one thing Madame Kasarvina was right about…the mother was incredibly stupid. How a woman like her ever had a daughter like Sandra was beyond Angie.
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I read your first chapter, which was good by the way, and the second follows it well, although I think to short. The third chapter is well written and follows from the second just as well as the second did from the first. You wrote in some background about Sandra which helps give us a clearer picture of her and how she ended up getting kidnapped. This is well done.
The only thing I didn’t really like was the briefness of chapter two. I think if you combined it with chapter three, the two would make one good chapter. I don’t think condensing the two into one would be to difficult as the end of chapter two creates the main theme for chapter three.
It looks like Tanya is Russian or from somewhere around that area. The way she talked was kind of confusing not knowing this. I thought at first they were errors you made but it became clear that is how you wanted her to talk. I think you should write in where she is from so the reader doesn’t get confused with her english.
Good work with these two chapters. Keep it up
I am not sure you meant to do this or not but it appears that Chapter 3 is in 3rd person still. This sometimes is a problem when we right in first person we forget that unless we are standing there listening our main character would not be able to get this information.
The only other thing of mention is that Chapter 2 seemed a little short.
The writing itself is good. Just the POV appears to be an issue.
I was grateful to see this on the review queue after reading the first segment earlier, and this one didn’t dissapoint either. I think you do a good job of continuing to build the suspense all the while the bigger picture becomes more depraved, and all the while Pavlova’s plight becomes greater and you wonder how or if she is going to escape.
Good work thus far.
Still engaging work, but I don’t think these chapters are quite as strong as the first. The POV seems to be 3rd person in chapter 3, which was a bit confusing at first. Also, the characters Angie and Danny seem a bit one dimensional at this point. I’m sure there’s more development later on, but so far it seems like they exist to be evil, and to provide backstory (Danny’s quote in chapter 1 felt very much like an info dump, and his gloating seems to be overdone. I was waiting for him to rub his hands together like Simon Legree).
Sorry if this is harsh – I like your story so far but I think the characters (or at least two of them) need just a bit more rounding.
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