Yeah, I think you got it. It’s one person expressing anger at an entire grop because of what one did. Pretty much what every major war in history has been based on.
Poetry / Ape Number Three of the Evolution Chart
There are no more love makers left.
No intentional conception.
No bitches worth marrying.
Women openly fantasize
of violent gang bangs
by uniformed officers
before an audience of inmates
lining to follow.
In ancient China
they would punish the adulteress
by having hundreds
and hundreds ejaculate
on her face.
Romans had it right
when they chopped off their heads.
Of course-
they also concubined
and raped little boys.
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alexandriawic reviewed Version 1 -
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ha shit. That’s great and true of the human race. That would be a really sucky way to die: drown in cum. We are a bit worse than animals. We don’t really have sexual instincts. Ya know like mating periods and stuff. We have reason: but don’t really use it.
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onlywish reviewed Version 1 -
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This is very interesting to say the least. There are no good baby makers in the world or no good women worth having a baby with. Is this directed at one person or the whole female population. I get that some one has cheated and that you feel they should be punished. It that is your intent them your poem has meet it’s goal. If not I am not sure what you are trying to except you hate women. I don’t agree with what this says, but I like the way you have written this poem. It makes a statement that is bold and clear. Good job on the writing.
Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 -
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S1 states your premise and I hoped for a reasonable follow through. In S2 you make an assumption that is false, how do you know this? From where do you get this information or did you make it up? Which women, where, why? Not here, my dear. Truly in China they did this? Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds? Source this for me. You are now an unreliable narrator. So what if Romans chopped off adulteresses’ heads and they raped little boys? What’s your point? I have little problem with your writing, as you seem to be able to write well enough, it’s your content that seems to go nowhere. What does the rape of little boys have to do with no bitches worth marrying left? You’re all over the place.
ockhamdesign reviewed Version 1 -
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My summation of the poem: Men haven’t evolved from their knuckle dragging days because women are unfaithful.
I don’t like the first line. There’s no impact. Suggestions would be:
The lovers makers (verb) (something that ties alludes to the title or the last line of the poem).
Everything else works. Shock value to the poem is about a 3 out 10. The poem is pretty tame compared to what gets published in the New York Quarterly.
Idrequired reviewed Version 1 -
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I don’t have a problem with the content, except it feels like it is missing something. There should be a conclusion to what you have stated in the first stanza. Why are there not anymore bitches worth marring. Because they were all used as whores? You have a scope of the women that is tainted. You might what to wipe off some of that
ejaculation it cold be covering a family member. Your a good writer and you have written something that you know will bring reviews. My hat off to you in that regard
Chago reviewed Version 1 -
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This is raw. I am not going to kick your ass for it. I think you need to change “No bitches worth marrying.” Even though a bitch can be more male, its most likely going to be thought of as female. Your first section speaks about both men and women, keep the trend. Perhaps add something about history in the opening also since you jump into talking about cultures of the past. It might prove a point for you. I think hinting about history will eliminate the feeling of going from a poem in the opening, to a history lession for the remaining sections.
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