CHAPTER 2 “The smiler with the knife under the cloak.”—-Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales
I was fighting my way through the black haze when I heard someone who sounded a lot like Danny say, “That horny old goat is gonna flip when he sees our sweet little Pavlova.” Then he chuckled. “How damn convenient that the cops will just think she ran away.”
Angie’s smooth voice seemed to come from far away. “Yeah, Danny, like we said, they’ll probably stop lookin’ for her after a while.” She giggled. “No harm…no foul!”
Ran away?
I could barely make out Angie’s face as I struggled to focus. Danny’s voice went up a notch, “Who’d ever think that being a pianist at a damned ballet school of all things would wind up being our ticket outta here? Good thing the band broke up after all, I guess.”
<<<>>>
I thought about the first time I saw Danny. He was the new piano player at the Kasarvina Academy and I was sitting in a corner on a folding chair watching the dancers.
When class was over, he told me how beautiful I was. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore.
I’d been following the same robotic routine every day for nearly a year. Walk the two blocks to the bus stop on Clark Street after school. Take the bus to the Academy. Walk in, hug Madam Kasarvina, go to my folding chair at the far side of the studio and stare at the class. I didn’t dance anymore. I couldn’t. All I did now was watch the others.
When the class was over, I got up, hugged Madam Kasarvina again and left. Danny started to tease me about having the saddest eyes he had ever seen. But he didn’t get a rise out of me. I simply didn’t care.
CHAPTER 3 “Oft expectation fails and most oft there where most it promises, and oft it hits where hope is coldest and despair most fits.” —-Shakespere, Alls Well That Ends Well
Danny pictured how intrigued he’d been, finally asking the ballet coach about her daily visitor.
He could actually see her eyes fill with sadness, as she inhaled sharply and said, “Danny, from time Sandra was little girl, I know she will be star. No question. She has been student with me since four years old.”
“And?”
“And last year was time for what you call big payoff. I know Sandra is ready to be professional. Call my friends at New York City Ballet Company.”
He’d tapped his forehead. ”I get it. I guess they sent a scout and he didn’t think she was as good as you did?”
“As good?” Tanya laughed bitterly. “He was enchanted. When she dances, stage lights up with her passion. When she smiles at you, is magic. Next day, director of company calls. He comes to Chicago to see Sandra. Danny, what you see now is not my Sandra. Only hollow shell. Now, no life, no fire, no friends, no hope. Only girl you see sitting in chair. “
Edging closer, he said, “So, Madame, I don’t get it. They liked her. What happened?”
Her voice cracked with emotion. “New York City Ballet wants Sandra, but stupid mother says this is nonsense for girl only sixteen.” The coach shook her head. “To her, Sandra is same as her little sister who grinds out off key songs on second hand accordion.”
Danny was stunned. “The old dame lets an opportunity like that go down the drain? No wonder poor Sandy’s checked out. Couldn’t you do anything?”
“Nyet. Mr. Javits offers everything he can think of…contract, chaperones, tutors. Everyone tries to change stupid pig’s mind.” She inhaled again, letting the air fill her lungs. “In the end, stupid mother listens to nothing and no one …New York City Ballet will have to wait she says. And, Sandra becomes like she is now.”
“Didn’t her mother see what was happening to her?” he asked.
“No, Danny. Sarah Barton is woman who sees one way. Meanwhile, months pass. Then it is over. Mr. Javits gives up. Sandra is failing in school, crying all the time and even talks of killing self. Only I understand what it is to lose dream.” She shifted her lame leg into a more comfortable position.
That was when he realized that if Sandra were to disappear, everyone would think she ran away.
“She is like daughter to me, Danny.” She stopped, fighting to gain control of her shaking voice. “When her heart breaks, my heart breaks, but, how you say, my hands are all tied up. Every day she comes and watches with dead eyes. I think she will never dance again. Spirit is gone.”
Tanya’s voice broke as she excused herself. Danny heard her crying behind the closed door of her office.
When he got home he grabbed Angie, gave her a big kiss and told her to sit down. ”Angie, you gotta see this kid. Looks kinda like Elizabeth Taylor. A real beauty. I’m tellin’ you we can pull it off. Go sign up for some lessons. It’ll be good exercise for you and you’ll get to know her.”
Angie glared at him. “Are you saying I need exercise?”
“Nah, here’s my idea. We can snatch this kid and make a deal with Martin D’Angelo for enough dough to get us outta this berg. The couple of bucks he gives us for directin’ kids to him who want to hook is chicken shit compared to the thousands we can get for someone like her. Taking lessons is a way, ya know, for you to get close to her.”
Angie’s jaw dropped. She had done a lot of things to survive, including hooking herself and lifting money from the wallets of unsuspecting Johns. But when Danny proposed kidnapping, that was different. She was dumbfounded. She yelled at him, “Are you friggin’ crazy? Don’t you know that what you’re planning to do is called white slavery, you nut. Count me out!”
He kept quiet, knowing she would reconsider. And she had. A few minutes passed and she said, “Danny, if what you say is true, you could be right. They probably would stop looking for her after a while.”
“You bet, baby. Think about it. Virgin pussy. Beautiful, teenage, virgin pussy. Some of Marty’s regulars will pay big dollars for her, baby. Trust me.”
So, after wrestling with her conscience and losing, Angie finally signed up for classes as Danny suggested.
<<<>>>
She waited a few weeks and then approached Sandra. Taking it slow, she had decided to invite Sandra to lunch after a Saturday class. To her surprise, the girl accepted. Next she began stopping by her house on the weekends, taking her out to the movies or lunch.
Danny was right. Sandra was truly beautiful and when she flashed a rare smile, she was breathtaking. Angie kept watching and waiting for the time to be right. She knew it had to be soon.
There was one thing Madame Kasarvina was right about…the mother was incredibly stupid. How a woman like her ever had a daughter like Sandra was beyond Angie.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 164 word review has not been unlocked.
This 63 word review has not been unlocked.
I read your first chapter, which was good by the way, and the second follows it well, although I think to short. The third chapter is well written and follows from the second just as well as the second did from the first. You wrote in some background about Sandra which helps give us a clearer picture of her and how she ended up getting kidnapped. This is well done.
The only thing I didn’t really like was the briefness of chapter two. I think if you combined it with chapter three, the two would make one good chapter. I don’t think condensing the two into one would be to difficult as the end of chapter two creates the main theme for chapter three.
It looks like Tanya is Russian or from somewhere around that area. The way she talked was kind of confusing not knowing this. I thought at first they were errors you made but it became clear that is how you wanted her to talk. I think you should write in where she is from so the reader doesn’t get confused with her english.
Good work with these two chapters. Keep it up
I am not sure you meant to do this or not but it appears that Chapter 3 is in 3rd person still. This sometimes is a problem when we right in first person we forget that unless we are standing there listening our main character would not be able to get this information.
The only other thing of mention is that Chapter 2 seemed a little short.
The writing itself is good. Just the POV appears to be an issue.
I was grateful to see this on the review queue after reading the first segment earlier, and this one didn’t dissapoint either. I think you do a good job of continuing to build the suspense all the while the bigger picture becomes more depraved, and all the while Pavlova’s plight becomes greater and you wonder how or if she is going to escape.
Good work thus far.
Still engaging work, but I don’t think these chapters are quite as strong as the first. The POV seems to be 3rd person in chapter 3, which was a bit confusing at first. Also, the characters Angie and Danny seem a bit one dimensional at this point. I’m sure there’s more development later on, but so far it seems like they exist to be evil, and to provide backstory (Danny’s quote in chapter 1 felt very much like an info dump, and his gloating seems to be overdone. I was waiting for him to rub his hands together like Simon Legree).
Sorry if this is harsh – I like your story so far but I think the characters (or at least two of them) need just a bit more rounding.
Showing 1 - 6 of 6
Ratings & Rankings
Review item
Add to faves
