Poetry / Your Eyes

I don’t think this poem really says anything.  There are some phrases that hint at some sorrow or yearning, but they do not connect with one another to indicate anything.  Also some of it is senseless.  ”Don’t you feel my rain?” “don’t you see your rain?”  Rain would here have some concepts, or sentiments behind it that would be understood or given to be effective.  But there is no general idea or sentiment behind rain.  Rain can be cleansing, foreboding, irritating, dramatic, a metaphor for tears (which can be tears of joy or sorrow) it isn’t really clear what is meant by rain.  And though the eyes may be important to the author, to a reader it is only clear that the author admires the eyes of the recipient of the poem.  Nothing of the quality of the eyes (outside color) is present.

You have a really good poem here, I completely understood what you were trying to convey. I really liked the development from the rain sort of being a private pain to an almost desperation for it to be shared and experienced by the possesser of the eyes. I think it develops well and I would be interested in learning why you wrote this, was it from personal experience? This definately piqued my curiousity and I hope to read more of your work when it’s not 3 am. Good luck and keep writing!