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Poetry / Rebel
I am a rebel looking to rebel against a system that I deemed to be broken.
No longer do I wish to take orders from my shape shifting supervision.
I’m busy working on my own mini rebellion within the ranks of the same individuals who look to persecute me.
At times the thought of me being the sacrificial lamb for the cause seems worthy but only to an extent.
No one is invincible even though the foe I prepare to engage is a proverbial juggernaut I steady the course.
Fed up with the constant double standards I place my trepidations on the back burner.
Reaching out to my fellow colleagues for assistance I return from my outing standing alone.
Alone is the way that I entered this world and alone is the way I shall leave but I will be guided on this quest.
I saunter along my path leaving a pair of illuminated footsteps behind as my guide back to tranquility.
I’ve disbursed countless hours of brain power on a calculated attack that would ensure a feasible victory.
For every idea engineered there is a slight doubt that hangs in the balance hovering over my head.
Nevertheless I want let skepticism detour my plan to fight and fix the things that need fixing.
My intellective clock initiates counting down to the point when I come face to face with my enemy.
You know when I deliberate on who I’m actually going up against it amuses me.
Enlisted into this so-called fraternity of nurturing mentor figures who will plunge a dagger into you the first moment received.
Every where I turn there is another smiling face waiting for you to leave so that they can conspire in peace.
Outraged at the simple fact that respect no longer has to be earned, but is received by the amount of time put in.
Unable to adjust I often pinpoint times when I reside on the outskirts as a result of my actions.
Utilizing the teaching of “Every action has an equal reaction” I’m often a victim of independent thinking.
Labeled a mistake by my peers because, I don’t the fit the mold of their prototypical future leader.
I must apologize for the misprint in the preceding sentence I meant future followers.
Taught to lead within certain boundaries these feeble minded individuals will never take charge.
Placed off to the side fresh out the gates I inherit low expectations because of the geographic location I was raised.
Born a tough young man I’ve been made stronger by my many trials and tribulation.
I’m growing weary from the various shots taken at me for two decades now.
My patience has worn thin as my cheeks are ravaged with pain from repeatedly turning the other cheek only to be struck.
Exhausted! By the continuous struggle of being told to adapt and over come I find it hard to persevere.
The never ending cycle perpetuated by people biting their lips continue until my hands are covered in the blood from my bottom lip.
My exterior shows a broken man with no threshold for pain, so please judge this book by its cover.
Encamped within myself a fire ensues engulfing my mainframe causing me no harm instead leaving me polished and refined.
Out of the ashes I rise like “Maya Angelou” with a newfound determination to carry on my REBELLION at all cost.
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It was tough getting to the end, I’ve got to admit. Thanks for the warning in your notes, that it’s a rough draft. There are some hidden gems there, but the overall piece could do with a general paring down of otiose words. Cut to the chase. Remember the underlying emotions that brought about this urge, this need, this conviction, to rebel – like all rebellions, it needs a strong manifesto, to inspire, to motivate, to put it all on the line.
A few nitpicky points to consider (bear with me, please):
L1 – ‘deem’ – should be in the present tense, rather than the past, ‘cos you’re still in the fight right?
L7 – ‘Reaching out…’ – do you need the word ‘fellow’ for colleagues? After all, the word ‘colleague’ comes from the two stem words: ‘co’ and ‘league’, a bunch of people being ‘in league’ with each other, rather like conspirators.
L12 – ‘Nevertheless..’ – you mean ‘wont’ instead of ‘want’?
L15 – ‘Enlisted…’ – may I propose ‘opportunity’ instead of ‘moment’?
L16 – ‘Every where I turn…’ – ‘…waiting for you..’ shouldn’t it be ‘..me..’ since you start the line with the first person singular? (sorry, I’m a perfectionist)
L20 – ‘Utilizing..’ – brilliant! I love this line.
Another thought, you may want to vary the tone and rhythm of this piece, to make it a more interesting read overall. By that I mean, think of structuring some lines to be punchy, sharp, to reflect the emotions you feel, and some to be a bit more deliberate and even paced, to reflect the insights you experience.
Good luck with this one – it’s truly worth the effort polishing, shaping, and crafting.
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