Poetry / Sparrow

i thought a sparrow was well chosen, regardless of whether it is written about frequently or not. i know the sparrow, it has a certain feel, a fragility and vulnerability that i can relate to, perhaps why it is frequently used. a pigeon would not do. it is brief and ends abruptly, but that is no criticism, quite the opposite. unnecessary length is cumbersome, abruptness is forceful.

A brief poem with an impressive vision:

     “as though the cold
     had reached its pea-sized heart
     between wing beats.”

To be able to “see” does not require wordiness or structure as much as an open heart.

In less than six lines, this poet unleashes a potent and compassionate vision; not with length but with natural insight!

Anthony

short, concise.

not sure what the writer is aiming for with this piece or what type of criticism I could offer to make it any better.

It did not move me one way or other.

the cold had reached its pea-sized heart between wing beats is a lovely line. But on the whole, I am not sure of the meaning except to encounter a dead sparrow on a path. How does one fold a sparrow or how does it get folded? Perhaps you could speak of more sparrow-ness rather than an object on the road but put that wonderful line to good use.

The Sparrow is probably the most popular bird in poetry. Even if this is true and you actually saw a sparrow dead on the road, I’d change that so something less written about like a pigeon. There also seems to be an awkward shift in the line, “as though the cold”. There may be some subject confusion going on there. Maybe if you began again there: “the cold must have…”. What I can’t come up with a comparable suggestion for is the ending. I don’t think this needs length but it ends too abruptly.

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February 11, 2007

by Anthpec

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The author’s ability to “see” is not defined by grammatical construction, but by his natural ability to embrace myriad subtleties abounding through his sensitive being.

Anthony

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ITS TOO SHORT!

I loved it although I believe you could replace “pea0sized heart” with some us, something more ominous or heavy if that makes any sense. But i can’t think for the life of me how to describe a sparrows heart lol.

I guess the lenght is good for the type of passage it is. Short and too the poing. Beside that one word change I see nothing wrong with it.