Lyrics / No Longer

A decent piece, but it feels like it’s lacking somehow. I would have liked to hear more about why you felt this way, rather than just the feelings. It seems it is only scratching the surface when so much more could be said. I do not really like the last line either. I felt as if there should have been more. What I did love is the line “All she ever did was sing her lovely song
          That kept me waiting for her”

I see that you had motiv for this song, but it seems you have the feelings but not the vocalbulary. the diction is kind of weak. Ilike the plot and where you are going with it, but i think you could really take it to the next level if you tried.

hi,  it was a nice emtional piece and something we all have experience one time…or another in our life…which is a good thing as songwriting goes…the meter in the veres though seem to be not quite right…and if could use more form in general to make it a better song….a litle polishing and who knows…good luck with your songwriting…

I don’t wish I’d never met her
Just that it didn’t hurt anymore

Some things that many people can relate to that have ever been in love! This is a very simple song with extraordinary meaning between the lines if the reader looks deep enough within its words. I enjoyed it. Keep writing!

Hey those lyrics are pretty good. They remind me of quite a few songs i know and they work pretty well. (Without hearing the song) i’d say the flow is quite good and the echoes definitely add a lot to the lyrics. It also has a good beat. Just randomly logged on to find a cool bit of writing and i find it! Great work

The message you were trying to convey was palpable…

The first thing that came to mind while reading it was that you used too many cliches for my taste. I tend to naturally go out of my way to avoid cliches and redundancy in my own lyrics. I’d re-word things like
     “Don’t know why this is happening” or “tearing me apart” or “I’m through with the world”. Personally, I think there are more descriptive and efficient ways to create a mood and weave a moment.

I loved the way the beat just came to me while reading…it has a natural cadence.

“All she ever did was sing her song” is my favorite lyric. It adds such innocence to “her” character. That one line does so much to describe the situation.

To me, I see this being punk-y.

First of all I just want to tell you that these lyrics are very good. My only suggestion is that shouldn’t “I’m through the world” be “I’m through with the world”? Just asking but great work. Hope to read more soon! =-)

This is a simple set of Lyrics. I give you credit for putting all this together with the back up vocals marked. Taking in consideration your age, this is not bad. But honestly it sounds familiar. Love has been written about many many times, so its hard to be original. I think you have a good start and could use this as an outline to create something better. Your last section is a good starting point. Maybe talk about the pain…get specific on the emotions or what happened. You want people to relate, but not know the entire story right off the bat. “This love just burns me to the core (fire consumes it all)”..this line is ok, why not get rid of the cliche burned to the core and just say something about the fire consuming you? you may also mention  how it had burned you down to your core and left nothing but ash….
What do you sing…this sounds like it needs to be a fast punk song or a slow ballad. Acoustic maybe. good luck

I really like this. The one line though “This love just burns me to the core (fire consumes it all)” I kinda wish it wasn’t such an overused phrase. Everything seemed good to me, I really like “I’m through the world (just forget it all)” even though I know it isn’t proper, I’ve always been more into vague writing if you will. Other than the one line, I think it’s pretty good.