Screenplay / The Miscarriage
INT – KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
(MARY WEST, a tired looking short brunette, 28 year old mum of three, is washing the dishes. She notices the cut on her arm, and drifts away into thought for a few moments. Keys are heard in the front door and a violent bang is heard as its swung open.)
ROB: Oi! Where you fuckin’ hiding?
(ROB MILLS 25 year old, with the hostile nature of a 14 year old, storms through the cluttered home and opens the door to the kitchen)
MARY: (to herself) Here we go…
(MARY puts the plate back into the sink, and dries her hand with a towel and pulls her sleeve back up, concealing the cut on her arm.)
ROB: You did nothing’ to help her, nuffin’! Why didn’t you do any’fin?
MARY: (turns to face ROB) Yes I di –
ROB: No, you didn’t!
(long pause, MARY throws the towel onto the kitchen counter)
MARY: What is your problem!?
ROB: My problem is YOU. You and your selfish fuckin’ attitude. Always, you do this. And this time, looks like you just gone an’ killed me mum.
MARY: I did nothing today but try and me a good mother and protec-
ROB: -Oh please…
MARY: (getting agitated) -PROTECT our children… Our children, Rob. OUR children… Geez, I could ask you the same thing. Where were you when your mother needed help? Hmm?
ROB: What you on about? You know exactly where I was.
MARY: (patronising tone) Oh, do I?
(Rob turns away, and runs his fingers through his hair)
MARY: Do I really know where you were? Look at me, Rob.
ROB: (turns back) Shes fighting for her life in that ‘ospital, on one of those fuckin’ machines, when you shoulda done summin to help her. Instead you fuckin’ walk outta there –
MARY: (steps towards ROB) Ran outta there with your kids, protecting my family!
ROB: (steps towards MARY. Both near enough nose to nose) And what about my family!? My muvva –
MARY: Your mother is someone you shoulda been protecting! YOUR father was the one who came wielding in with that knife, not me. I was looking out for our kids. Where were you!?
ROB: Don’t even try turning this around on me, love. I was running late with Tom, you know that. You should-
MARY: (steps back) -See you say you were at nephews house. Only I run into Sheila… and Sheila tells me she sees your Tom at the arcades with his mateys all afternoon. Walked past there on the way to the supermarket, she sees him there. Walked past there an hour later going home, she seems him there.
ROB: (quiet tone) Sheila’s a lying bitch…
MARY: (sarcastic tone, comically taps her forehead whilst walking back and forth, pretending to think) -Now see, that’s an awful lotta change in his pockets, for someone who eats bread even when its good and green and scoffs dogs shit off the floor… and that’s an awful lotta time on his hands, when he supposed to be spending it with YOU.
ROB: (getting increasingly agitated) You know that Sheila lies through her fuckin teeth.
MARY: (steps towards and shouts in ROB’s face) SHEILA’S NOT THE ONE WHOS LYING!
(long pause, ROB clearly clenching his fists, steps back)
ROB: My muvva is in ‘ospital right now, I really don’t need this shit from you today.
MARY: You think I need your shit?
ROB: There is nuffin’ going on. I ain’t doin’ the FUCKING dirty be’ind your back.
MARY: Then where do you go all those times, when you disappear?
ROB: Mary, I love you. We are never gonna break-
MARY: Where do you go?
ROB: Mary… I love you-
MARY: Where do you go?
ROB: (cleanches his jaw) …Mary, my mother is in ‘ospital right-
MARY: I don’t care about that BITCH! WHERE DO YOU GO AT NIGHT!?
(Shocked by her words, ROB slaps her)
(She staggers back a few steps, holding her left cheek. Long pause, she turns towards him screaming, runs in full force and scratches him violently across his face)
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Okay, well the argument scene you have posted has a tension of its own; however, I feel nothing for the chracters and so I must say I would have needed the establishing scene first. The twist of the man not being there for his family because he’s chasin’ some bird is fine and could lead to some real guilt and so forth, but without caring about the characters – either her or him, I struggled with their thick accents and ghetto plite.
Of course I also like to read screenplays in screenplay format instead of stage play format. If you need the software to help you do this check my website at www.siminoe.com and go to WRITER HELP where you can download some damn good FREE SOFTWARE for scripting.
I do hope you stay with this as I enjoy stories where a character has been trapped by their own deceptions and blame others. Good stuff. You might take it a bit easy on the accents. One style I have scene is to do it like this:
MARK
(with an Auzzie accent)
Hey where have you been.
Again just a style thing, but it could help a producer to read this.
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I commend you on the effort you have made. I have a few suggestions, my humble opinion and feel free to use or discard as you choose.
If this is the first scene; you need FADE IN:
It is also a good idea just to stick DAY or NIGHT -if there is a particular reason for a certain time of day, make is visible in you description lines.
When introducing a character, yes CAP them, but there is a format where you should show, NAME, age, and a short description of the characteristics.
ROB appears to just have appeared, you need to introduce the character.
Eg
FADE IN:
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
MARY WEST, 24, tired looking brunette, (how do we know she is a mom of three? You should only show in a screenplay what a viewer can see.) is washing dishes.
Also not that screenplays are written in the present tense, and to a degree some normal grammar rules do not apply that do to prose.
There is a cut on her arm.
How do we see her drift into her own thoughts?
As for ROB if he is in the scene introduce him. If he is not on screen, you do it this way.
ROB (O.S)
Oi! Where the fuck are you?
If Rob is coming into this room from some where else, you need to show that via a different scene….If he just crashes into the kitchen you need.
The door to the kitchen slams open.
ROB, 25, hostile, agarogant, storms into the room, to stand in a confronting manner in in front of Mary.
You don’t have brackets in the screen play unless it is a direction for the actor which goes underneath their NAME when in conversation. These are usually used for things like giving actors directions, but beware they should be used sparingingly. They are normally things like,
ROB
(angry)
Where the fuck are you?
But normally good dialogue will not require it. The actor would be able to tell by the dialogue he is a bit pissed.
Therefore MARY (to herself) is irrelevant, unless we hear what she says.
Why does Mary put the plate back into the sink?
Try something like.
Mary drops the plate in the sink, dries her hands on a towel, pulls sleave up to hide the cut on her arm.
To indicate a pause you use the word.
BEAT:
I would hate to see what is about to happen to Mary in the next scene. This is a very good story line.
If you visit google and type in screenplays, you can download hundreds for free. Read lots, they will give you a good idea of the correct format.
Goodluck with this, and I hope its not from personal experiences.
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