Romance / friends and kisses

Wonderful piece of poetry here. Loved how innocent their contact begins then progresses, unbeknowst the them, into something deeper. And I liked the ending “And the rest as they say is downhill from there.”  Very fitting.  Keep up the good work.  I look forward to reading more of your work.

Review first, praise last:

kneeding away at her tense muscles: (should be, “kneeding away her tense muscles”)

and then you too were asleep (mm doesn’t flow so nicely…)

Migrated?  Maybe a new word choice here, although creative!

And the rest as they say is downhill (drop “from there” and it’s cleaner)

I actually love this…who hasn’t had some version of this happen to them?  Oops did I say too much?  But, what keeps it just “good”, instead of “wow” is the edit.  Instead of using “you” so much, perhaps consider “your”..it’s a tad bit awkward, albeit I totally get the gist.

In all, I like the work.  I really want to see the end result!

This is a terrific bit of prose and as I read along, I smiled and smiled and smiled. It was so clever and innocently descriptive. I liked this. Great job.

Wow, I love how you made me feel as if I could see what was happening, and in a way felt as if I were her.  Friends yes should never kiss, but to feel the comfort of another person is so desired.  I enjoyed this very much. I have nothing negative to say only Good!  

I really loved your imagery in the first four stanzas.  The language was very eloquent and it gave the impression of a relaxed, wistful tone, while still portraying an awareness of each other.

I felt like you ended it the way you did because you didn’t know what else to do.  I completely agree with the line about friends should never kiss, but I think the stanza before that could be extended to be more like the previous stanzas.

Still, I really enjoyed the poem.  You definitely have talent.  :)

In this poem you are telling a story.  The conclusion that you draw at the end has nothing to do with the story itself.  The story tells us how they ended up kissing, but doesn’t say anything about why “Friends should never kiss.”  The reader is left without a deeper look into somee kind of emotion or feeling. Try shortening the peom and changing the focus.  Perhap focus on what he is feeling.  Does he want to kiss her?  Is he torn over the issue?

I would avoid lines like:
“warm summer breeze”

Relating her breat to a warm summer breeze does not evoke an image.  It is a cliche.

It is apparent that some thought went into this work.  Make sure that when you are making an effort you are moving in the right direction.  Have a very specific goal in mind.  Goodluck

I liked this and having read it twice couldn’t alter it without spoiling a good well observed encounter.
Like your work.
welder