Poetry / Broken youth

Very interesting word choices and images, and the message is quite powerful. Since it has a traditional rhyme scheme, I would try and shore up the meter/syllable count for each pair of lines that rhyme. I am partial to punctuation myself, but that is more a matter of personal taste. Overall this is nice work. I hope that it is not autobiographical.

very heartfelt,worthy of the read. Some strong images that make you stop and re-read, it makes you wonder if its fact or not and then to actually ponder the whole nightmare of what if it is real.. a good powerful read, but i hope it was fictional.

Very nice piece, you weave together some striking imagery and your rhythym is pretty good too. Keep it up.

this is good work.  kinda like a short version of “Porhphyria’s Lover” or “The Rape of the Lock” but quite contemporary.  It does take a couple of reads to get past the images of red and violence to understand the poem’s content.  but a great metaphor for not being able to get over the death of somebody : “I made my bed in your coffin”.  that is a great line!  thanks for sharing.
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Poems, much like the eyes of a person, betray whether or not they have seen with their own what it is they speak of.  With this there is genuine emotion, and a feeling of something private, written for no one but the author.  That is one of several qualities making this more then simply teenage angst.

This was pretty good. I had trouble following, and the theme of the poem kept changing. Like for instance, who is “he” in line 4, and the cryptic final couplet, which usually is supposed to sum up the message of the poem, leaves me somewhat confounded. Sounds like a teenage poem, which to I can relate. The tone and diction are all I can compliment as I’m unsure of the message, but you did well with the tone.

seems like you start off with something calm and somewhat soothing but then it turns up to be a dark poem. im confused with the line “he said no one has to know” im not 100% sure on what that means although i could guess if i had to. the comparison with love and death is a bit strange to me but thats just creativity lol. overall it was good because it has rhyming and some words that make it stand out but the meaning, while obvious still is confusing with the way it was described. remember, as the writer you have to remember the readers dont know the background information on this.

man i could definitely relate with this thanks for posting

You are a brave soul to share something from the teenage years.

I can’t really review this, the abstracts are too much, the abab scheme kills me everytime…

but there is one line that is a poem in itself…

“he said no one has to know”

Dark, kind of the same stuff that I would write as a teen. Thank god those days are over! Its good writing. Interested in reading your current work