Thanks for reading and commenting, glad you enjoyed it, it was a bit tongue-in-cheek and fun to write and not my usual style… just for fun! :)
Poetry / The New World Dial-O-Matic Wonder God
The New World Dial-O-Matic Wonder God
The HDTV is my window to the world,
as i lie on this sofa in despair.
Blind though it is with its powerful eye
I wish I weren’t here but in there –
trekking the hot Serengeti
or the Bridges of Madison County,
where, as I last recall, I had an affair,
before I lost on American Idol
to the winner of last night’s Jeopardy.
Is it kin to the one-eyed monster I love so dear?
It offers me no carnal pleasure to satisfy my needs.
All is transitory, a mind trip,
a beam-me-up Scotty experience as I flip
the switch on the handy remote, a physical thrill,
interactively choosing programming
to make me scream & laugh or cry & ponder.
I put it on pause when I wander to the kitchen,
my outing for the evening to raid the refrigerator.
My life at the moment is HDTV
as I scan through channels coveting
infomercials & paid programming,
a virtual life that has no substance
unless I do the following:
Call 1-800-222-5607
and you will receive
right at your door
everything we have
you see on the screen.
And with that I await my postman’s arrival
with packages galore from the God in my Heaven
who beckons me with all those 1- 800 numbers
that promises me happiness, beautiful skin,
sexual stamina and much, much more,
if only I keep Him turned-on.
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WanderingMind reviewed Version 1 -
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Perfect image of modern america
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JPatrickAusanka reviewed Version 2 -
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I was laughing out loud! I think you have some very poignant words here. However, I think it would flow much better if you cleaned up some of the superfluous language. The intertextuality lends well to the kaleidoscope of cultural imagery you are trying to convey and I would develop that more in place of the prepositions and conjunctions. Use meaty words..
MidnightSama reviewed Version 1 -
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ALthough this isn’t my kind of poetry, I actually like this piece XD. It made me laugh at certain points and I couldn’t help but notice it had a rhythm to it, something for like a song. Things that I noticed though were that some of your phrases have awkward writing, for example:
It offers me no carnal pleasures that satisfy <--- I think you should change satisfy to something else that flows with this sentence. But really, I like the content of this poem, it’s like a refreshing look at people who have no lives outside in the social world.
It’s comical, I like that :3. Keep writing! ^^
14andbetterthanmost reviewed Version 1 -
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it was slightly confusing, but after i understood it, i was amazed by it
10pfrw06 reviewed Version 3 -
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Awesomes decripition of our consumer consumption society. Thank you for keeping your eyes wide open.
Curtastrophe reviewed Version 3 -
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A well written satire on American culture and the role the television plays in it.
The subtext of the first five lines is quite pointed (in a good way) whether intended it or not. It conjures up the image of this bored person lying on the couch, wishing they could be “trekking the hot Serengeti”. But below this superficial layer, the reader realizes that “real” problems exist that tower in comparison to ennui of the narrator. Again, very satirical.
If taken at face value, this poem reads well. It’s got rhythm. But just below if the reader looks a little harder there are some serious messages about consumerism, artificial desire, and inflatable feelings. Good work. Thanks for sharing.
-Curt
TheWaffle reviewed Version 3 -
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I like it a lot! Very entertaining with the talk of infomercials and keeping Him turned on.
The last stanza is very powerful: its message sort of screams at the reader, which is pretty awesome.
Good job! High five
TheWaffle
nelson1 reviewed Version 3 -
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I get the feeling you planned to start as a rhyming poem, but then drifted into free style.
I do like the piece, because so many people watch others on TV living their lives, but forget to live their own. it kind of shows the narrator is fantasizing through TV, but also they love the shopping channels, and wish they didn’t have a limited budget, the narrator see’s tv as their life, but kind of regrets it is not their reality.Stanza 1 , line 2, capitalise the ‘I’
Also stanza 1, suggest breaking up from line 4. Think it is difficult as a reader to know when to pause and breathe.
Suggest writing the ‘ands’ as the shortcut ones may to a publisher seem a bit lazy.
shelikesmetal reviewed Version 3 -
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this one resonates with me on a personal level, so I can relate. At least you are writing too. Go out for a walk.
runicaldeva reviewed Version 3 -
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Two meanings I got from this poem. 1. Our society is drowning in the plethora of technology and services available right from our home. and 2. Its ok to enjoy HDTV and 1-800 numbers. I vote for number 2.
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