our africa sealed
off and subsituted
by wadding,
my head insulated
and a few degrees
too warm.
i tilt and subside
into the bodiless
abcess of the afternoon.
Chorzow
stultifying,
blackened brick
houses that
steam beneath
mine shafts.
your litheness
your elfin
challenge
now surely
secured in
safety boots
at an immigrant job
in the heart
of the Empire.
I rush unchecked
toward the edge,
fail at the last,
sink onto my haunches
and enter into
the new cold war.
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I must commend your ability to write such short lines. It shows restraint and a particular vision that I admire.
My problem with this poem is with voice. I can get a feeling of the speaker, but not of the individual he is addressing. Also, “I rush unchecked / toward the edge” leaves me wondering “the edge of what?” The mine shaft? Something else? How can one fail at rushing toward the edge of a mine shaft?
Establish the stakes in the poem more clearly, and everything will work itself out. Is the person addressed a loved one unable to escape a country? Clarify, is all I ask as an intrigued reader. You have a wonderful style that draws me in, but I feel there is too much left to the reader. Maybe people in Poland will understand more readily, but I’m in the US of A, and remain lost (our stereotypical ignorance is all true, every last slur).
Soaring spirit from Africa in Chorzow, a coal mining town in Poland is tragic. My parents knew that disillusionment on coming to America. You have captured the heartbreak perfectly. Rich in emotion-evoking, descriptive images and action, the poem culminates in a powerful, dramatic ending I love. I like the juxtaposition of ‘your litheness your elfin challenge now surely secured in safety boots.’ I think it’s a turban in ‘by wadding, my head insulated …” Right? Seal in the title could mean closed, lost, sealed, or the home of seals that you’re recalling. Beautiful.
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