Short Story / from above
I was the topographical view of a dog. Hunting, sniffing, looking, finding nothing. But I was enjoying it. I was fully formed in my purpose. A topographical dog. Each paw I placed one after the other I moved forward, and from my topographical view from above- my body swayed subtly in rhythm with my paws from left to right. The distance my body swayed from left to right judged from the equidistant centre point between the two furthest degrees of left to right was exactly one sixteenth of the total distance travelled after all four of my paws had completed one rotation of their orders to push off from the ground in order for my body to head in the direction of my head which we for the sake of argument will call forward. The sum of all my parts was balanced, all held in perfect relation with one another. I was pleased with my purpose. Move, stop, sniff, move. Almost always forward, except for the occasional circumstance of moving into a dead end, in this condition I would reverse my steps one whole four paw rotation this time my body took the lead and my head being attached followed. for the sake of argument we will call this movement backwards. Having corrected my course I would head off again towards the constant faint smell which always hinted an answer but on closer inspection failed to give off anything but a stronger smell at a closer distance and as I would leave the smell would grow fainter again. Nonetheless this was all I was, I grasped every aspect of my being fully and therefore all my possible purpose was fulfilled.
I was the topographical view of a dog. Hunting, sniffing, looking, and finding nothing.
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This 213 word review has not been unlocked.
Hmm this sort of reminded me of a type of prose poetry sort of. It seemed almost poetic in a sense. Also beginning exactly where you began, held no true purpose but to tell this short story of some person being a dog? I suppose. I liked it though. I liked how detailed and scientific you made walking forward and backward lol very nice.
Keep up the good work.
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This 78 word review has not been unlocked.
not sure i can call this a short story.
its more like a piece of robert frost poetry, with attitude.
i like the idea of giving you, as a dog, the understanding of geometry while still maintaining the simplistic mentally of a dog on the hunt but you have to get rid of the redundany in terms of extraneous wording and information.
and being that this is an inner dialogue, you might either increase your repetions of thoughts (as in show the need to say it twice so it is more real for the dog/you, more solid in the mind)... or remove the repetitiveness from it completely and make it the concise thoughts a hunter at his best.
all in all it has a strange quality that i think you can really improve upon by making some definitive choices, but unless it has something more brought to its formula it still remains as a poetic piece and not a short.
This is good, I like the words that you use and how you used them. Good job!
You are good and I think tha you could use this peice in a book. You have a future in writing. Good luck!
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