Short Story / the prince of restless wanderings
In a nameless kingdom there lived the King and Queen of contentment.
Happily sometime during their ever after the Queen became pregnant and some time later she bore a baby boy- the first prince of this nameless kingdom.
As years do- they passed with many consequences great and small none of which I will mention here. The Prince by the time now past was propped on the cusp of manhood. How he had reached such an age was confounding as alas the Prince suffered a huge disability at the core of his character. The Prince has and has always had the uppermost indecision in all matters from the infinite to the singularly insignificant.
The Prince walked aimlessly constantly for the soul reason he could not decide where to sit…
Let me correct myself for I have grossly oversimplified- if his ceaseless wanderings were only continuous for the lack of a suitable seat I would be as bold as to say the Prince would overcome this simple task and occasionally come to the conclusion he should now sit from time to time. But gravely his mind was riddled with complexity- the question for the prince was not whether to sit here and not there, whether to 1 or to 0- but was rather whether to sit all the way through now to later, every gradient form gradually to suddenly, in which direction to face out of all possible combinations, to cushion seating to cross or lay flat or fold his legs in kneeling and all combinations of kneeling in all variable degrees. To cut short and sum up- all variable degrees of all variable degrees simultaneously barged through the bursting connections in his brain each demanding equal recognition. This process produced the Princes interminable indecision. His solution- he steadily walked and blocked out all else.
When faced with a decision, lets take the example I have already given- ‘to sit’ or ‘not to sit’. As I have already proven, to the Prince to sit is not as simple as ‘sitting’ it is to the prince an infinite unfaceable flood of variables. On the other hand ‘to not sit’ is a solid singular answer as beautiful timeless seamless and perfect as day and night seemed to the one who wandered through it without rest.
Exactly when the Prince began his goalless pilgrimage is a mystery. What is mystery more is the thought of the thought pattern the Prince underwent to take the first step of his wanderings. But when and how the Prince finally ceased is as documented in this kingdom as the seasons.
While the Prince had been around to wander, the Earth had revolved exactly twenty five times around the Sun, and on this anniversary of the Princes birth he was fated to stop both with and against his will.
As he wandered through this particular day, his conscious (which he had at an early age managed to silence due to the overwhelming confusion it was presented with and in turn continually reflected into the essence of the Prince), his conscious I say, on this very day with nine thousand and thirty one suns seen- his conscious was bugged. Ignored at first, assumed to be one of the often occurring barrage of bugging which I have been over already. But on this occasion the Prince let this bugging concept gain the slightest possible ground, possibly because the thought appeared to arrive from a different angle.
In the Princes mind the thought registered from 0 to 1. This first subtle electrical patterned impulse gradually grew and drew from the depths of inaction a spark of attention from the Princes conscious. This spark soon became a visible glimmer and in this instant the Prince of restless wanderings ceased to wander.
The original catalyst, the spark was a simple revelation- no, revelation is not the word, revelation would suggest breakthrough- new information with which to view the old in a new light- this was the opposite of that. This was the assimilation and therefore annihilation of information. The Prince had realised a simple detail- his continual wandering was an ongoing consideration, a choice to carry on wandering or not- what was to sit or to not, to 1 or to 0, clicked and became to not carry on or to carry on , to 0 or to 1.
The spark was not new information realised but the small insignificant dash of his one solid singular answer tipping and falling from its pride of place (the only place he allowed) in his dormant conscious, and dashing itself into and becoming part of the infinite sea of ignored details.
Perched on the edge of this dash was the Prince forever in the instant that to became to, not became not, and 0 became 0.
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Third paragraph when you start with the ‘I’ its the most confusing. I kept on readying but couldn’t grasp a thing. The rest feels like a thinking report from your part. There should not be an ‘I’ and it’s just too complicated to read, did he just kill himself because he couldn’t reason?
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One of my main criticisms of this piece is the voice. It’s written in first person, but we have no idea who the narrator is. It it some storyteller in the castle? If that’s the case, he knows alot about what goes on around the Prince.
The main character is the Prince, clearly, but we barely know him as a character. Why is he plagued with such indecision? How do his parents feel about that? How do his subjects feel about knowing the heir to the throne is unable to make a decision?
The word choice of the entire piece seemed like you were trying to make the reader trip over your sentences. For example: What is mystery more is the thought of the thought pattern the Prince underwent to take the first step of his wanderings. I realize you were trying to make the story aesthetically like a fairy tale, I just don’t think it worked well in the incarnation.
This would have more appeal if you simplified the complicated thinking as wall as your writing. Soul is sole – mispelling.
0 to 1 only makes sense to computer literate people. Yes or no, on or off would be better.
If you somehow tied this in to something real… then you would have even more appeal. Like apathy in people. Just a thought.
Good luck.
You know, this really could become good.
You have chosen a very difficult story, and haven’t yet mastered how to present it.
The lack of decent punctuation and of good sentence structure hinders you as well.
An example:
“The Prince walked aimlessly constantly for the soul reason he could not decide where to sit… ” > “The Prince walked aimlessly. Constantly. For the SOLE reason that he could not decide where to sit”. This then has so much more punch.
And punch is what is missing, the lack of punctuation and the bad sentence structures make this seem a rambling.
The introduction of binary in an ‘olde worlde’ story style is misplaced, its an anachronism.
The other problem lies in your making this seem like a bad theory paper. Referring back to your own writing, “which I have been over already”, or “Let me correct myself” just irritate.
To take the latter example. The sentence (and a huge unbroken sentence it is) “Let me correct….... sit from time to time”
Try
“This is a gross simplification. If his continuous, ceaseless wanderings were only due to the lack of a suitable seat, the Prince would surely overcome this simple task. He would occasionally come to the conclusion he should now sit from time to time.”
It does not change your style, but it has more meat to it.
I’d love to see a good reworking of this story.
Do some more work on this and it will be good.
very imaginative
minor issues, the prince, queen etc dont need caps, however, the Queen and King of Contentment do
there are a number of missing commas which, considering the level of language and the style of writing, make reading this piece hard work… grammar check might help
dashes should be en dashes, no space between.
soul (sole) is one of a few errors that spell check wont pick up
major issues
it is obvious that your choice of words are a rhetorical/creative aspect of your writing style, however, its overdone. Consider simplifying sentence structure to avoid sounding verbose, there is nothing wrong with an extended vocabulary, and using it in your writing, just remember the reader has to wade through it too so it could be a more enjoyable read if the focus was on your story rather than your words
thanks, enjoyed it
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