Maybe the world isn’t so cut and dry. Things aren’t as we’ve hoped and dreamed for. However I have opted to become inclined to say that perhaps the things that dreams are made of, the rare glow and capture of a thought…these things don’t exactly equate a realism.
To dream is to love and to love is to give hope…a faith of sorts. I believe in none of these things and yet have profited from both. I make my money from your weaknesses. I pay my bills with your “hope”, your “dreams”. When I sit to eat my dinner every night, I wash it down with the tears you’ve shed for a bastard cause.
Do you not realize that these things are entirely false and no matter what you do, you’ll never get anywhere? Call me a nihilist, say I’m an atheist and dare to prove me wrong.
I would absolutely take back what I’ve said and what I will if you could prove that love is tangible and that dreams come true, tell me where your faith has gotten you and what use there is in hope. Ask me to provide a rebuttal, tell me that I need to prove a point. I’ll be here all day to do so and how. I have no qualms about informing you and crushing the things you hold dear.
Wait, I take that back. I have but one. In the telling I’ve lost a customer, I’ve lost the profit and I have in turn enlightened you. Luckily we will now rely on your “faith” and belief system to say that what I write is a lie. Let us count upon your inate ability to damn me and pray for me. It will do you no good, when I’m done with this I’m going somewhere to get a nice cold drink and then commit lurid acts. While you hold those beads tight and spin that dreidel, I’ll be watching some interesting soul entertain me, I’ll pretend I care about g-o-d.
Love is not tangible. It’s an abstract concept that is used to define tying yourself to another individual for a night or a life. The companies that peddle sweet sentiments and tacky greeting cards rely on your desperate blindness to keep them in business. Sure, you feel something for the people you are with. You feel companionship and a sense of purpose. You have carnal needs fulfilled in the dark night hours and you have a person to sit there and chat with you about the mundane. I mean it’s no fun to debate whether or not it’s peas or corn with the meatloaf by yourself, now is it?
But I love my family.
No you don’t. You have biological ties to them and feel an emotional obligation. You call this love so you don’t seem superficial and false. However, in this lies hypocracy. Strip the artificial sentiment away. Do it, be unafraid and look behind the mask. You’ll find yourself staring at the most debased and defunct unit that society has to offer. The nuclear family is disgusting. While this is not every case, this is the many. You are more likely to be beaten, raped, killed and emotionally abused by…guess who? -Your family.- That’s right people, now if there was love, why would this statistic exist? Love communicates itself through a fist? A loaded sentence? A taboo act? -No- This is the ultimate disgrace, the absolute absurdity. For the mothers and fathers that cook up breakfast in a spoon and could careless if their children have had lunch, breakfast…dinner a week ago, surely cannot be an example of love.
But there are those that don’t!
No, you may not fall into the extreme. Instead you fall into the lapse of the every day. You sit there with your house, your cars and your 2.5 children and have the most inane arguements that have ever befallen man. You despise -privately- you revel in your cowardly ways and call it respose. You call it -structure-. You say that you have a firm and absolute resolve. No, you’re a snake that’s gone belly up. You’ve sold your soul to the proverbial man. Each night you too can enjoy worrying about bills and keeping up with those next door to you. Perhaps you inwardly shun your child for being different and openly demand perfection. There are those of you that fall into the trap of trying too hard and wanting a picture perfect existance that doesn’t ever actually -exist-. This is not love. This is a mask, surely you see the difference.
But what of hope and faith?
Hope means that you hold out for something better than what you have now, a prayer that the future will just somehow fix itself…somehow. Perhaps you hope for world peace, absolution…or just not to get caught sneaking out of the house. You don’t really hope for the greater good, it’s never…NEVER a selfless act. You hope for yourself and your kin. The internalist despises you, for you rely purely on the (oh, irony) hope that there is someone listening and therefore externally placing your beliefs. It would be you externalist that doesn’t fix the world, because your misbegotten god will do it for you one day.
Tell me, how does hope work exactly? How does prayer and absolution work? Is this something you do simply to clear your conscience as you continue to fill your cars with the gas that pollutes the world as you stop by the local McDonald’s and order another fat laden burger to make your clothing that much tighter as you close your arteries off? Would this fervent prayer be there with you when you’re cheating on your significant other and scorning those you know? Or does it rest in the child you ignore because their questions have become far too numerous as you spend the money you don’t have on the credit cards you cannot afford to pay off? You have no children? Well does your hope rest in the faceless masses you speak to in the dead end job you refuse to get out of? The bottom of the liquor bottle or the end of the blunt you smoke? No? Possibly in the cancerous cigarette you fill your lungs with while you lie about even the most mundane and boring things.
After all these days your hope, faith and prayer are all the ultimate spiritual insurance. You don’t really believe, just you do it -just in case-. Maybe you’ve been guilted into praising the man that if he exists has the cruelist sense of humor this side of the sun.
I mean really think about it, if God exists…and we are his children, then -he- is the ulitmate abuser and hypocrite. He loves us all? Is this before or after he kills us, ruining the lives of the people that we’ve touched and known?
What if he’s here and he tests our faith by testing us?
Then he’s still a sick bastard isn’t he? His tests end in death or damnation, maybe even both. How do you pass something like that? Where is the cheat sheet there? You could believe in him your entire life and yet that might not be good enough, and there are so many religions that hell…what if you picked the -wrong- one? You’d still be burning with us. Or what if he doesn’t exist in ANY form? What if you die and live in the ground and rot? You just wasted your life for -nothing-. So I suppose you can never know the answer to that question unless you’ve died and then…not like I’m able to ask you how it turned out.
Or maybe, I’m wrong. Maybe love exists…maybe hope is real and prayers are heard.
I’d love for you to try to prove me wrong.
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