Short Story / Clutter
The scuffing sound at my feet told me i was finally at the unpolished section of my wearhouse. The light had faded quite a few doors back, where i spend most of my time and am most familiar with. I loved decorating that area back there, I cleaned all the rooms, hung new pictures up atleast once every 3 months or so, and just had a new lightbulb installed…one of those 4 year deals…in the room with the door marked “college”.
But recently i’ve been so curious about this dark wing of the place. I’ve hardley EVER been down here and its evident from the clutter all over the floor and cobwebs coating the walls. Somewhere back at about “spirituality” and “health food” the air started to smell muskier and the dust made my nose itch. I’ll have to remember to do something about that when i get back.
At one point i get to a door, that when I squint in the darkness, I can see the label “Jo Ann”. I thought that terribly curious, being that you’d think my mom’s closet would just say “Mom” on it. I reached cautiously for the handle that rattled a bit in my palm from a loose screw and open the door for just a peek. When my eyes adjust i see something that startles me and a sharp breath in rushes dust into my lungs and i stumble backwards coughing. The door creeks shut and I decide to put that one off for later, but was proud i looked none-the-less.
I turned back to face the dark path ahead of me and stepped over a shadowy thing that looked like it could have been a toy chest. As I walked I tried to remember the last time I had been down this way. I recalled once, a few years back, when i was shoved into the darkness roughly by an intruder who claimed to be an experienced remodeler.
Yes, I remember now. I looked to my left to see a door marked “Monogomy” hacked up like a scene from the shining, but then carefully patched up again. I walked very slowly past that door, peeking in through the cracks like a privacy fense, hoping to catch a glimps of whatever was in there. A faint but steady light, seeped through one of the cracks and a quick vision floods me warmly as I see it.
My sight blurs and whirs as time stops, and I am suddenly in a soccer field. My face tingles with a smile, my heart beats with resolve and comfort. I send a ball several feet away with a kick and watch him receive it playfully, returning it. The warmth of the sun brings a peace and a closing to an era of darkness and confusion. Slowly my eyes refocus again and I am back in the warehouse with a yellow light brushing against my cheek as I pass this door.
Two steps more into the darkness and I’m suddenly struck, as if I ran into a cold concrete wall, with an incredible sickness. My stomach feels as though it’s filled with lead and I drop to my hands and my knees among some dusty rags, immobile.
A pulsing pressure builds behind my eyes, through my sinuses, and across my forehead, as if i had been crying for hours. I can not move, and somewhere behind me is a whisper. I strain to hear what this intruder has to say but can make out nothing. Then the whisper increases to a familiar but detached whimper. As the noise gets closer to me, it moves to a raised grumbling voice and my spine dots with icy chill.
With a rush, the voice is in my ears screaming! I struggle to escape the deafening screech but am weighted to the floor with my fear. The animal like wailing echoes off the walls and pierces my brain with its shrill. As if this demon-like creature spat frost from its lips, I’m suddenly frigidly stunned and a coldness rolls over me like an avalanche.
Another vision floods me and I am alone and lost. Snow, several feet deep, surrounds me as I stand helpless in the center of a looming , iced over mountain range. Panic overtakes me and my eyes dart across the blindingly white landscape. “How did i get here?!” is all I can bubble out of my purpleing lips in my helpless confusion.
The weight of the grey clouds above, of the jagged peaks all around me, of my clothes soaked and frozen begins to pull me down. All I can think of doing is curling up.
Where is my passion? Where is my strength? Why can’t I fight this?
My toes and legs cramp underneath me and I buckle over gripping my knees and sobbing with cold resolution. I sink. The snow around me creates a wall as I fetal up and my muscles freeze with depression. I’m done. How did this happen? How? The chill slips down my throat and bites my nose, and I can do nothing but cry through frozen shut eyelids.
But then I hear a crunching of snow under foot, something close. And a warmth touches my wrist and lifts it, encouraging me up. My tongue defies me and coughs out “I cant!” and my body refuses to follow my wrist. A voice sooths me, “Yes you can. Climb with me.”
Her breath melts the snow around me slowly, and heats me enough that I can inch my way to my feet. She pulls me up, and we run. My legs race with painful effort to keep up with her as we sprint up, up, up until the snow has turned to mud underneath us. The mud then to solid dirt and earth, then finally we come to rest at a hill peak covered in soft vividly colored grass.
I crumble to my hands and knees again, exhausted. I close my eyes as I catch my breath. Two hands rest for a moment on my shoulders, warming me further, and push me gently up to my knees, steadying my swiftly recovering body. When I open my eyes again, I am kneeling in front of her smiling, back in my warehouse.
Silence as I collect myself and focus.
Who is she? How did she find me? Why did she help me?
I hear a door click closed to my right and I look to see a frost covered threshold with a label – “Emotion”.
As out of place as it may be, I chuckled nervously at what a stuffed closet that one is, and how obviously I have a LOT of work to do on that one! I remember a similarly near devastating vision a while back when I was organizing my “Abortion” closet.
The woman in front of me didn’t laugh with me, she merely cocked her head and smiled at me. I had a feeling she knew I wasn’t really amused by what had just happened, but that I was scared and trying to cover it up. A thump came from the “Emotions” door again, almost in response, and I shot to my feet and rushed down the hallway a bit more, leaning against the wall coolly.
She came over to me in the dark, and as she got closer it seemed there was more light in the hall. I could see things a bit more clear, and that was quite refreshing. Walking slowly and quietly, she picked up a few books on the floor and piled them on a desk that needed straightening out. I became quickly embarrassed about all the mess, and excused it saying I had to put these back away when I had the time. She just smiled.
Then she pulled up a chair, dusted it off and seated herself in front of me. I reached for a milk crate that was propping open the dark and empty “Fashion” closet, and squatted on it across from her. Then we talked for what seemed like hours! The strangest thing was that all the talking, though intriguing, didn’t seem like it was new. It really just felt like we were catching up, though I’m sure we have never met before.
I told her about how I’ve been enjoying my life in the organized wing of the warehouse, but that this dark place was starting to really pull me towards it. Pointing down the hall to the lit area I had come from to show her, it actually seemed as though there was some clutter and confusion down there now. I shrugged it off for now. Then pointed deep into the darkness to show where I was headed, and as she turned her head to look where I pointed, a light flickered on several doors down. We both squinted our eyes in confusion, was there someone else here?
She stood up and looked around the disarrayed hall for something. A few feet away was a box with a bunch of junk in it. She knelt down and sifted through it, pulling out this or that and putting it on a shelf where it belonged until she found what she was looking for. Turning around she presented me with a flashlight. “Let’s go check it out!” She said enthusiastically. But I could feel nervous heat on the back of my neck and was feeling unsure, scared of what could possibly be so deep in that blackness.
I mumbled some excuses about being tired for now, but she took the liberty I had silently already granted her and pulled me to my feet, just as before. I trusted her strangely enough for someone I had just met. She pushed me a little ahead of her, but kept a steadying hand on my back the entire time and I creeped carefully towards the lit closet.
Past me on the left was a tightly locked door marked “Death” that I sidestepped away from quickly. Then on the right a door with a label that was too dusted over for me too see, and the hand on my back didn’t let me stop to dust it off. We had a mission. Four more doors down, my heart started to pick up speed. Three more, I stumbled over a tipped over lamp. Two more, I groaned involuntarily and stopped short. I knew what it was. I knew what that label would say.
I turned around quickly to retreat but she was there and caught me in her arms. Struggling at first I whimpered “no no, I’m not ready..no”. She gripped me tight and pushed the hair out of my eyes. I saw over her shoulder, very dimly lit, a door that read “Mom” but ignored the oddity of a twin door to the one from earlier.
She put her forehead to mine and whispered “It’s ok babygirl” then pressed the back of my neck, massaging my hairline. I breathed deep and felt so much comfort and strength from her words.
Turning around to the door and gripping my flashlight in one hand, and her hand in my other I took another step towards the light. She gripped my hand reassuringly, and I knew I wasn’t alone. Two steps more and I was inches from the door handle and stared at it. Letting go momentarily to her hand, I whacked the butt of the flash light on my palm until it jumped to life then gripped her hand again. Shining the light, I read the label under my breath, which looked incredibly dwarfed in the massive size of this door. “Sex”.
I reached for the handle, paused and we two took a simultaneous sigh. Then I opened it, pulled her tight to my body, and we slipped in together.
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