Sci Fi & Fantasy / Jakub's Wolf - an addendum or patch

There wasn’t really anything that special about this story. I understand that it is just an under story but, event that needs some interest in it. I think that if you just add a little more character wise to the story then it could be something great. It didn’t have very good flow, very stop and go, because you used mainly short sentences. Use a little more complexity (but odn’t confuse us) in your writing, it deepens the intrigue and makes the reader want to see more of your work. Really I think that you can do better but you have some really good ideas here, you just need to flesh them out a little bit.

You can do it!
x]

This is sheer poetry and you create some lovely images.  Although this can also be a criticism – it is more poetry than a story.  

I assume this is going to be fleshed out in places so that tells me more though?  I think the short sentences and random images would be irritating if they continued for any longer.  We need to know how these people are connected and what is going on.  The staccato style of writing is good in small doses – short pieces in between more detailed and flowing sections.  They add impact and mystery, but they are tiresome if overused because the reader isn’t finding out anything.

“It begins with a shower of dust falling through a ray of white light. The distant white noise of a pigeon’s wing flapping in an echo space.” I have to say, I do like the visual sense of this piece. One of my questions with the piece, is why are the characters going to Warsaw?

“Behind her a young couple are sleeping. Her head on his shoulders. Beside them, a child is staring out of the window, entranced by the snow capped peaks.” I do love the simplicity of this scene, and I can really picture it in my mind.

I’m curious as to find out who the man in the third scene is, and what his connection to the first two characters are.

I only had one minor problem with the piece as a whole. “Irena cross legged on a mountain train.” This part kinda breaks the reader’s flow, but I still got the general idea of what was going on.

Its a nice set of images which is the intention I presume?

There are a mass of one-liner sentences here which lose effectiveness rapidly as they come on, one after another, forcing the images on the reader. I am left asking why? Do I want to join the dots?

Without a storyline its impossible to judge further. Can I suggest you put more specifics in your guide to reviewers? Sorry if I cant help more.

From what I can tell it is simply a story of people sitting around in contrasting places (city beach- mountain side). Just so you know what impression it left me. Although you’ve got some nice imagery going, your plot leaves much to be desired. We could do with a little more action, and more of that Wolf in the title. Perhaps you could also elaborate on what exactly Irena’s error was.

I have never read any of your other works but this was a good submersion, I felt the setting very vividly. Your use of imagery is good, the pigions and the sleeping couple. I dont know enough of where your going to offer a full critiqe but what you have is gripping enough and pulls leaves the reader curious, its good work.
I have nothing to complain about sorry,
Good job
Gavinswar

I must confess, I was impressed.  That is not to say that your piece did not contain a few questionable errors in grammar and syntax.  Still, this piece was a comparatively pleasant read.  I can honestly say I think I would like to read more.

I thought your use of word pictures was good but your word selection could have been better.  For example…
>>Behind her a young couple are sleeping. Her head on his shoulders…I presume the her and his to be the young couple but that is not evident.

I felt as though your thoughts were incomplete.  More importantly, I thought the scenes “jumped” without a convincing segue.  For example…
>>The station resumes its vigil. Movement ceases. Romek becomes concrete, colours leach from the image.  You then begin the next scene.  This occurs a lot in this piece.  It is almost as if I missed a few pages.  Perhaps this is because you posted this piece as an addendum or a patch.

Bottom-line for me: In my humble opinion, this is an otherwise nice piece of work, well-done with good imagery.

I hope you find this review of your work constructive and helpful.