Poetry / Unfinished bitter/indignant poem
Your every day removed from me,
this peace of mine does grow.
There’s nothing you can do to me,
and it’s freeing just to know
though you are gone but not forgotten,
that forgetting just takes time,
but your being gone is permanent,
so my tomorrows will be mine.
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I really like this. The rhythm and ryhme make the poem flow extrememly well and help get the context of it across…I especially like the last line “so my tomorrows will be mine” Taking claim of ones owns actions and feeliongs and recognizing the importance of accepting the past and moving one.
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I like the heart of the piece. The lead in is strong; as well as your final line.
With some finessing of diction and syntax it will be a very solid piece.
The one thing, if any, I’d stress for you is to pay attention to cadence and find your own tempo. Sometimes, with rhyming poetry all else is sacrificed in order to make this format.
I’d be curious to see how this lovely sentiment carves out without the rhyme to tow.
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