Poetry / Our ghosts Are

Silence makes strangers
Secrets kill lies
I remember you saying
“Somehow we’ll survive”

But clouds gow heavy
When they need to rain
And you can try all you want
But there’ll still be a stain

You can regret our past
But I can’t forget
I can pray for absolution
You can’t beg me to stay

Momatter what we say,
Our ghosts are revolving doors
Central tendacies in pivot,
Endless compromise of tilt

Secrets spoken
Are secrets learned
But don’t say a word
And you can forget everything we had
Renouce, and compartmentailize

We’re nothing, we’re nothing
other than what you say
other than what we (don’t) say

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Reviews

October 16, 2007

Cavol

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
429	82.0% (111 votes)	27.0%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	M	NY, NY	February 26

Cavol reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I think you should just make the title, “Our Ghosts are Revolving Doors”. I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t just put the entire line as the title. It’s the strongest line of the poem, by the way. I kinda like this. It’s unrevised so you’ll have to go through it and find little errors like, “gow heavy” and “Momatter”. As for the 2nd stanza being cliche – it’s iffy. A lot will say yes because we’re all sick of hearing about clouds and rain but for me it’s not so bad in this case. I didn’t like the following two lines though. What stain? You don’t support that in the poem. It’s also a little (actually, very) silly that it rhymes all of a sudden in that stanza – I think that’s definitely something you should change immediately. There were some profound parts I think you should be proud of as well like the last few lines and the first. Good ways to begin and end.