Thank you…good review. I did intentionaly use elusive prey knows all to get the exact idea you did, but you may have a point there about it…Does it really intentionally elude? Sometimes I think it seems too. lol. You got exactly what I wanted the reader to get out of this and I am impressed. Usually the reader doesnt bother to try to really understand…Thank you again
Poetry / The Finished Piece
The Finished Piece
Somewhere in mind a thought.
It lurks in shadow, wandering.
Never predictible, ever changing.
Plagueing levels of conciousness,
Avoiding being caught.
Imagination stalks to bring to light.
This elusive prey knows all.
Slips the traps, eludes the snares.
In the corner of the eye,
Just never in sight.
Writer blocked wants to pen.
Frustrated this idea cannot pin.
Closes eyes, to emotion goes.
Invisible tie, quarry unaware,
Followed to its den.
Holds to tie, peers intently.
Still cant quite make the form.
Stretches out slow a hand.
No! Too much, elusive idea flees,
Imagination sees dimly.
Cavernous room, echos, pillars.
Idea there; blurred, shadowed.
Move forward, mind focuses sharply.
Prey slips here there only a little,
Forced into pool reflecting stars.
Dives deep to escape, no release.
Silence, bubbles, purity roaring.
Rolling, fighting to the center.
There, eternal in crystal clarity,
Floats the finished piece.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
ZACH239 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
IT IS VERY POETIC AND IT HAS A DEEP. AND THE LAST VERSE SAYS IT ALL.
- add/view comments (0)
BrianA reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Don’t usually review poetry so bear with me. I read this the other day and thought it was excellent conception. Great metaphors for depicting the creative process.
`cannot pin.’ – thought `hook’ given fish-like allusions, but `pin’ suits `idea’ better.
can’t
`This elusive prey knows all.’ – not sure about this – impression purposely avoiding capture, rather than inability to grasp evident in rest of poem.
This may be obtuse of me, but considered that piece realised is to put idea/inspiration/thought to death ie solidify, realize on page. From your last lines – `eternal in crystal clarity’. Very nice.
Man, well done. Loved it. Good luck.
whitey reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
i dont ever really like poems or writing about writer’s block and thought the poem had lots of good description but should of been made into a flowing narrative because there is talent here somewhere!
whitey
OweFiresRight reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This seems discoonected to me in some way. meaning that I lost track of what I was getting out of the verse, maybe its too poetic, to vauge, this like really got to me “Writer blocked wants to pen.
Frustrated this idea cannot pin”
I don’t know if the double negative is suppose ot work or not. its like each section is a seperate piece. I see no connections.
Brittkat reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
At first I read this and I’ll admit..I didn’t actually like it, but then I went through it again a second time and really absorbed the words, and realized this is a great poem! Your choice of words is excellent, the only thing I would say is in some lines it seems almost too choppy. I realize that that is the effect you’re going for in a lot of the cases, but in some, it’s almost too overdone. Also, in this line, “Writer blocked wants to pen.” I just don’t really understand, is it missing a comma after blocked? Anyways, brilliant job!
Burning_Lashes reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
A marvelous idea, exploring the creative process, although I found it to be a little shrouded and laden down with over use of descriptive content. However that could be considered the point, the elusive nature of the thought, the finishing post masked by the journey. Overall I found this really interested all though somewhat hard work.
kyrieleison reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Wow. I really like this one. Well thought out rhyme scheme with the slant rhyme appearing in the stanza about writer’s block.
I think that you can take the cavern imagery and spread it throughout every stanza for greater effect. I didn’t really get the feeling of hunting the quarry until the background scene was introduced in the second to last stanza.
beysshoes reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I think this would be fitting to entitle: ”Finished Peace”.
This telling feels fragmented and it was a hard read. The syntax is fragmented. The language and diction is very dense and weighs the poem down. I’m uncertain if this is your intent given the subject matter.
I’d love to see some tweaking to liven the piece. For example:
“Avoiding being caught” to --- “avoiding the catch”.
“No! Too much, elusive idea flees,
Imagination sees dimly.” to ---
“No. Too much. Elusive ideas flee,
Dimming the eyes imagination.”
Good luck on an ambitious write.
mum reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I think it’s very well worded poem that anyone who writes can identify with. Love the analogies. Very descriptive.
Typecast reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I enjoyed reading this.
The analogies of a train of thought being like a virus changes into the food chain. It jumps from one thing to another without a linkage.
Other than that. It is a good read.
Showing 1 - 10 of 17
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
17 Reviews 19 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
