TIme as in the earth has been around for millions and millions of years and mankind only a billionth of that time. How insignificant does that make one feel? Do you think that mankind will be here in a million million more years? I dont, but I do think that the earth will.
Poetry / I Once had a vision
I once had a vision of beauty,
Powerful truth in my sight.
Long forgotten hopes kindled,
Breathless at Earths rising might.
I was freed of preconceptions,
My assumptions torn asunder.
Incomparable tranquility,
Knowing nothing but wonder.
I beheld the birth of a world,
Passion roaring with tidal crashes,
Here empathy abounds,
Life’s fires not yet turned to ashes.
I saw a river in the dawn,
Alight with the sky’s fire.
A deep seeded peace,
A maker with hopeful desire.
I dreamt of our world in unity,
Vibrant as it was beginning.
Creation trusting and whole,
Free of humanities sinning.
I saw how everything fits,
Moving together contentedly.
Nature infused with love,
A blend of perfect harmony.
Then I looked to the sun,
Blinding in crystal brilliance.
A silhouette on a knoll,
Making my very soul wince.
I felt a radiating discord
From this ominous presence.
I knew a foreboding terror,
Of this unstoppable malevolence.
I cried for innocence lost,
Mourned for peaceful contentment.
Here approaches the rise of man,
To ravish the world nature lent.
The raise of a spiked iron fist,
The lengthening shadow says all.
The earth will succumb to man,
Or suffer the more after its fall.
The march of shod foot rings out,
Humanity has gone to war.
Axe, pick and industry thrive,
And earth dies a little more.
I watch this rape helplessly,
Tear-stained face unbelieving.
Harmony ripped to shreds,
Sacrifice to man’s claim of king.
Earth bared her bounteous breast,
Groaning, gave everything and more.
Oil, rainforests, creatures near and dear,
“Just don’t hurt me, I’ll be your whore”.
Man sneered and seized the advantage,
Never one to resist certain spoils.
Plundering part of his nature,
Wrapped tight within the serpents coils.
I cried out for mother earth,
Worried at this display of meekness.
She’d be destroyed in an instant,
‘Less she stopped this devastating press.
All worry was for naught,
As her lambskin Earth shed,
A shiver ran down my spine,
Humanity screamed, then bled.
Hurricanes, Tsunamis, earthquakes,
Weapons insurmountable gathered.
Decimating this vile encroachment,
And leaving humanity shattered.
I knelt, my relief wrapped in sorrow,
Knowing this events significance.
Man could still attain greatness,
If he will only embrace Earths dance.
So I watched in facination,
Earths enemy was tenacious,
Earth, She had underestimated.
This foe was coldly rapacious.
Adapting, evolving strangely,
Feeding hungrily on his pain,
Humankind rose fearlessly.
Smiling, out for blood again,
Imbued with cunning intelligence,
Arrogant confidence exuding,
Secure in his own superiority,
Forever afraid of…Nothing.
Now Earth stepped back warily,
Purity of heart binding.
Refusing descent to mans level,
Avoiding the sulfurous smoldering.
She had one last chance,
One more weapon at her disposal.
She reached out to friend Time,
Now there would be no reprisal.
Time would war upon Man,
Ravaging him little by little.
Bringing him to destruction, then Earth,
Once again, would become hospitable.
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wordwan reviewed Version 1 -
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ae reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, here is a poem written by someone with plenty of brains and passion, but the poem is drawing more on one than the other.
I think the result of that is that thematically, the poem ends up being a little intellectually disingenuous. It’s a kind of political poetry, but you’re anthropomorphosizing the planet in such a way as to make her less, not more, than she is. She becomes two-dimensional in this, the all-giving, all-good, St. Planet the Martyr. There’s no dynamic tension to the piece because you just have poor little Earth being plundered like a helpless, vapid blob.
I don’t disagree with the premise that our species has been the scourge of the planet, but that story has kind of been done to death, and usually in the same simple diametric. You’ve obviously got enough going on intellectually. I think that you could explore the idea a little more, a little further. Has the Earth not “struck back” in some ways over time? Are there not ways she resists this plunder?
Intent or causality needn’t be part of the consideration, because it’s all to make a point anyway, right? Man is not plundering the planet out of malice, or to “hurt” the earth. He just takes what he needs without much regard for the consequences. Similarly, the Earth isn’t trying to kill vast numbers of people when it coughs and rolls and throws a wall of water across Indonesia. But yet, this happens. Earthquakes happen, hurricanes happen. She gives, she takes.
If you’re going to personify the planet, let her have a little personality. Let her be a little arbitrary … like, “okay, stab into me here, and I will spit you out over here…” I’d like to see Earth as less of a wuss. She’s always portrayed in this wussie way, and give me a break … in the end, who wins? That’s your POINT, right? So hint at that paradigm (like “the ox is slow but the earth is patient”). I just think you have a more complex vision of what is going on than you’ve offered. This poem is kind of “The Giving Tree” with a lot more words, and without Shel Silverstein’s bitchin’ sketches.
The idea of Time as Earth’s defensive ally is really great. That is just excellent, but what a long wait to get to that exhilarating twist, that liberating notion buried at the end of the piece.
Structurally, I reeeeeeally think the use of rhyme is embezzling impact out of your poem. It’s very, very hard to use rhyme well. And it’s virtually impossible to use rhyme well without also employing good metre.
I hope you’re not too in love with this already. Because if you adore it too much right now, you’ll keep it from becoming all it could be. Sorry to write so long. I guess I was moved after all, so that’s saying something!
Tnx!
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thedude023 reviewed Version 1 -
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From what I can understand from the wording, it sounds very biblical, from genesis to revelations and yet at the same time it doesn’t. I interesting how you wrote humanity as needing the Earth but later on being the destroyer of the Earth but I didn’t understand the ending to it unless you meant time by which humans get old and die.
RemmickDF reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall a good read. I liked it. Sorry but I don’t have anything critical to say.
Lisa_M reviewed Version 1 -
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What to say? Beautiful! The imagery, breath taking! I took away from this the ego of Man being well…the root of all evil, in a universe that will alllow only so much room for our ego before It steps in and says “That’s it, no more!” Renewal…that is what struck me so hard. The universe will alwasy balance itself out and Man, who never learns from his own history. Well done!
March 23, 2007
Deleted User
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I loved how these lines sounded as I read them out loud. I like even more, how I even forgot you were rhyming because the words seemed to fit so naturally.
“I was freed of preconceptions,
My assumptions torn asunder.”
“Earth bared her bounteous breast,
Groaning, gave everything and more.
Oil, rainforest’s, creatures near and dear,
“Just don’t hurt me, I’ll be your whore”.”
You gave good visuals and truthful details in this. I didn’t see anything that I thought needed fixing or changing. It is Great just how it is, to me!
Brittkat reviewed Version 1 -
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Absolutely breathtaking! The first poem I’ve reviewed on this entire site that actually blew me away with your talent. The only critique I have is that it’s a little bit too lengthy, and I felt like one of the stanzas could have been cut towards the end. I love how it finishes, and the message that you’re trying to get across is very true. I love how you portray earth in one part, as man’s whore. Excellent imagery and analogy. Just curious, this poem and the way you represent mankind and earth made me wonder what religion you are if any???
Swain reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow, I had no idea when I clicked this link I’d be taken to such an epic. From the visions this peice enduces to the sybolism and word usage, this is a brilliant and amazing poem.
JEWLS reviewed Version 1 -
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what a heartfelt and utterly moving poem! I have chills!
How wonderfuly written out, it speaks to a persons soul and touches the spirit, with the truth and honesty it reaveals!
Thank you for writing it!
I hope to read more from you.
NavyGirl reviewed Version 1 -
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This poem is excellently written. It expresses many ideas and tributes, adding a little mystery and expetancy to the creative flow. I like it.
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