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Poetry / Moiving II
packing all belongings
you discover things like
the black open toed stilettos
past their prime
worn during the first encounter
of the favorite lover
worn the next time
at the height of this passion
that merged and exploded
in a night spoken of for a year to come
smiles lingering on the lips of both
packing all belongings
you discover things like
items from a past life
that make you blush
though you are alone
and you ponder keeping them
to remind you of your many conquests
but if your heart were in the right place
you would lament, not hold to them
packing all belongings
you discover things like
the objects that almost killed you
tried to kill you
and there is still a sickly sweet longing
that draws you to them
sharp, shiny, jagged, beautiful
they held your life
when death was right around the corner
they held your death
but life is right around the corner
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I like the idea of this poem. Packing and remembering or packing away memories. I would like to see it developed a little more though. It seems to me like the idea of moving is not very well incorporated into the piece. I actually don’t mind that fact, I guess it just depends on what you are trying to convey. For me I would enjoy this piece more if it were about putting the past away and “moving” on with life. While that concept does come through in this poem it is not as prominent as it could be. I guess my criticism is that I can’t tell what you want the focus of this piece to be. That said, there are some very wonderful ideas and images in this piece and I would love to see it further developed. Just a thought though.
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