“Brevity is the soul of wit.”—w.shakespeare
Poetry / Wogga wogga
He was a stranger,
in a foreign land
I told him my life’s story
Until my face ran with tears
Until my eyes were red
“By the way, you do speak English?”
“Wogga wogga”
He said.
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xPoeticDistract reviewed Version 2 -
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This is the most novice piece of poetry I have ever seen. I wish you would have put more humor into it, for “Wugga Wugga” doesn’t really describe to all that he wasted a great deal of effort telling this man his life story while the man has no clue what is occuring.
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artisthope reviewed Version 2 -
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short and cute just like this commentary loll
kmpate1103 reviewed Version 2 -
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This made me smile. Okay, I think that this could flow a bit better. Also, do you need the comma in the first line? You may, but I don’t think it is necessary. Last line the punctuation is a bit off…I’m pretty sure it should be “Wogga, wogga,” he said.
I enjoyed reading this, though.
kenbur1222 reviewed Version 2 -
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It’s a cute shorty. My suggestion is:
1 To a foreign stranger: “Do you hear?”
2 I spilled out my life story
5 At length, said I, “And you understand?”
easywriter57 reviewed Version 2 -
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How original! What a waste of time, haha, but you got to vent!
Raef reviewed Version 2 -
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Short and humourous – there’s nowt wrong with that.
The sudden rhyme (“red…said”), separated by a non-rhyming line, is a good way to end; it sounds final, finished – but not too obvious.
Overall, i liked this. Thanks for posting it.
field0finnocence reviewed Version 2 -
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it would flow better without the comma. it seems like you told the stranger your life’s story in a foreign land instead of the stranger being from a foreign land, which is what i think you mean.
third line has awkward imagery, aren’t the tears the ones runnning, not your face. the fourth line is a little repetitive and too reminscient of the third line.
i like the comical turn at the end with the shift in tone and the surprise.
the only problem for me is the brevity as i don’t see any sort of theme being developed and if there is, the brevity of the poem does not seem able to develop it fully.
March 27, 2007
Deleted User
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Made me smile – hope that was your intention. Classic word-bite, classily written.
Kini_Jaye reviewed Version 2 -
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I don’t know if this is supposed to be super serious, but I actually find a bit of humor in the fact that he doesn’t speak English!! Maybe it’s my upbringing in a family that could pass as circus clowns, but still, I believe it’s funny!! But not totally, as it is also serious, and I can see that, too. Good job, though!! Keep writing!! And, if you can, it would make it even funnier if you threw in some details about the life story.
svrkevhum reviewed Version 2 -
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lol, this was funny and the joke actually made sense. good stuff.
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