well curt it is an autobiography second of all the back story is the story the front story is just a set up to tell the back story of addition and abuse.
Action Adventure / momma never told me there would be days like this in wonderland (life and wonders)
Momma never told me
there would be days
like this in wonderland
Book one
Life and Wonders!
Written by:
Dale Murray Jr.
Dedicated to King James Laxdal:
(Stoney)
Because you excepted me and loved me as I am. I had the courage to give other the chance to do the same and to write this book for the world to read.
Life and Wonders
Chapter 1
Looking back
The Battle
Deep inside me rages a war with fear.
Early on the cost is already too dear.
The battle lines are drawn deep in my soul.
How deep or how long will it go?
It came to my last night in a dream.
As I was sitting near a deep blue stream.
One of the answers was a dream from the past.
Now I ask is this how long forever last?
Running as fast as I can from your trail.
I must reach the beanstalk that reaches more than a mile.
Once I finally reach the battle’s end.
I wonder will I have anyone to call friend
The day started like any other day for Charlie. The alarms pulsating screech tore through his brain bring his dream state to an abrupt end. As consciousness slow came to him sleep fought to keep him. It was the same battle every morning and sleep would win every time if it were not for that alarm. But still Charlie new instinctively where the snooze button was as his hand on full autopilot reached over and hit it. It would take three or four attempts before the alarm would fully bring him around and conciseness would win out over sleep. After the alarm went off for the third time his bladder started to join in the fight for consciousness. This is the point where sleep lost the first battle every time.
Charlie got up and stumbled hazily towards the bathroom to relieve him self. As the nightly build up of fluids was released from his over extended bladder, Charlie thought what a wonderful feeling of relief. As he scratched his head, he wondered if it was the sensation for women as it was for men. After he finished in the bathroom Charlie stumbled to the kitchen to start the morning pot of coffee. He had just enough time to finish and start the pot brewing before the alarm went off again. Charlie always left the alarm on so he could hit the snooze button one more time while the coffee brewed. During this time he didn’t really sleep Charlie would just kind of lay there on the bed and let his body slowly wake up. The snooze button was just a safety precaution at this point but a very necessary one. Because every once in awhile sleep would launch a surprise final attack and until the coffee was in his system. There was always the chance that it would be a successful attack. If it wasn’t for the snooze alarm still being on he might end up missing his ride to work. When the alarm went off again he could smell the thick aroma of the coffee brewing. Knowing that the coffee was done he shut off the alarm.
Then Charlie forced himself to get up and headed into the kitchen where he poured himself a cup, and lit a cigarette. Then he walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. He hardly stumble at this point the exercise and smell of the coffee had him almost fully awake by now. Once Charlie was sitting down on the couch he turned of the radio, sipped his coffee slowly and puffed on the smoke. As the caffeine and nicotine did their jobs the last of the cobwebs were cleared from his head, and at last he was awake. As Charlie sat there and listen to the radio one of his old favorite song came on. It was Leonard skinnerd’s free bird as he sat there listening he started to think about his life so far. Where he had been how he had gotten there and why he had done things he had done.
Charlie had moved a round a lot in his lifetime, he was the modern day embodiment of the old west cowhand. Always moving from place to place and from job to job never saying in any one place for more than six to nine months at a time. In his lifetime he had worked many jobs with many different sifts, and got up at different hours of the day all the time. Although his body had gotten use to this and usually adjusted to the changes in schedule quickly. It had been along time since he had to get up at 3:30am, even though he had been working at the mill for a few months now. Charlie body still hadn’t gotten used to getting up this early yet. His body always seamed to have a hard time with getting up at this hour. Charlie was more of a night owl and found it hard to get to sleep before midnight. No matter how early he had to get up in the morning so he didn’t get a lot of sleep working at this job. Even when he worked the graveyard shift (which was his favorite shift to work) he found it hardest to stay awake between 3:30 and 4:30. Now that Charlie had to get up at 3:30 in the morning he was finding it to be especially hard. But he liked working in sawmills best, out of all the jobs he had in his lifetime. This particular sawmill had a very friendly feel about it.
Charlie cloud tell he was working with a good bunch of guys even though he didn‘t get much of a chance to talk with them. In a sawmill it is always loud and you’re always busy unless there is a break down. They only took two ten-min. breaks a day, and only had a half for lunch, which was time mostly spent with your mouth full. So he really didn’t get much to talk with his fellow worker but he was a loner anyway so he didn’t mind. But still when you spend that much time working with people you get a good feeling for what kind of people they are. He was a worker and work ethics and how a man performed his job was one of his main judges of a man’s character anyways. These men were worker like him who jumped in and did the job without any one telling them to and they always had a smile on their faces while doing it. Instead of winning about how hard the work was or arguing about whose job it was. He hated people like that it only made a hard job harder because it brought a negative attitude to the job. But there was none of that here everyone pulled together and pulled there wait making the job easier on everyone. That plus smiles and laughter now and then made the time enjoyable and that was important. At this place they worked ten hours a day six days a week, so most of his waking life was spent with these guys.
His job was pulling green chain, which was one of the jobs he loved to do. Because it was so physically demanding, when he worked hard he could feel the blood surging threw his body it made him feel so alive. He thought to himself this place would be the kind of place he could settle down and stay for a while. But he already knew he wouldn’t be here forever although it was a temping thought and life wouldn‘t be so bad if he did stay here. The mill was even located on the coast which he loved so much it would have been perfect if it wasn’t for the fact that the place was it was located in Oregon. No matter how much he wanted to stay there were just to many ghost chasing him here for him to ever be happy.
Although Charlie had been born and raised in Oregon, he had been traveling around since he was eighteen. Charlie had decided several years ago, that once his travels were over, he would move home and settle down. Charlie’s plan was start a small landscaping business up in and around the Portland area. Charlie dreamed he would putter around peoples yards trim a few bushes here remove a tree limb there. Mow a couple of yards a week, enjoy life, and get paid good to do it. Charlie had moved home and started his business that was seven years ago. He had the perfect timing as it turned out. Charlie had started out by cleaning up yards right after a big windstorm had blew trees and limbs down all over Portland. After the storm every other landscaper and tree and limb service in town were over booked with their regulars and all the big jobs going on a round town. So Charlie made a killing for the first four or five months just by knocking on doors and offering to do the clean up work. Charlie did so well because he did the work cheaper then the others, and he also would start doing the work that day. He had started with nothing more than his truck, a small limb saw, a wheelbarrow, and a rake. All except the truck were barrowed from a friend of his. This friend also allowed him to burn all the braches and brush at his house so Charlie didn’t have to pay to dispose of the debris. In a matter of four months time, not only had Charlie made enough money to buy all the tools he needed to start doing the landscaping. He also had started a permanent client list for maintenance jobs. Charlie also had lined a few repair jobs to keep him busy for the rest of the summer. So he had it made he was well on his way to having his dream come true.
It was just dumb luck that he got back when that storm hit. Charlie would have taken any break he could have gotten at that point in his life, and this was the one Charlie had dreamed of as long as he could remember. As Charlie looked back he would have said it was God’s hand working in his life and one of the biggest blessings of his life if it had been for how it turned out. Because you see Charlie had started to use the drug known meth with the money he was making. Now if this had been a blessing from god then he wouldn’t have done that. Because Charlie knew that blessings don’t lead us a way from God they bring us closer to him. Isn’t funny how the devil will put things in our path that seam like such a blessing at the start and it’s not until they lead us down the wrong path. A path away from God that we see them as the pitfalls they really are.
Needless to say everything changed in hurry once he started using the drugs. At first Charlie only used just a little on the weekends and it was just a recreational thing. After all Charlie was making good money so he figured could handle it, and for a little while that was true. Then after a few months the weekends started to lap over into the weekdays. It started out being just a little line on Monday morning to get him going after the weekend. Then Charlie started to do it on Fridays after all it was the last day of the week so why not get the weekend off to an early start. Then after a few more months Charlie would up all weekend long and of course he couldn’t come down during the week. Because if he did he would just sleep for 48 hrs straight and when he got up he was to tired to get any work done. Then after a few more months it got so bad that he had have it to go to work at. Charlie’s business had been such a success a first because he did such good work at reasonable prices. But when he was on the meth while he was working his working practices changed. When Charlie wasn’t using the drugs he would take pride in the work he did and instead of taking shortcuts. Charlie would do all the little extras that no one else did even if it meant spending a little more time on the job then he had to. But when he started to do drugs on the job, Charlie did shoddy work and as little as possible to get to a point he could call the job done. Because when Charlie was on the drugs all he could think about was getting on to the next job, and get the money to get the next bag. Then his prices started to go up, because Charlie started adding in his price quotes, how much the meth it would take to do the job.
When Charlie first started his business never took advances on the work he did unless it was needed for materials to do the job. After a while of using drugs it got to the point where Charlie would take so many advances on each job. That Charlie didn’t have any money coming to him when the work was done. Then Charlie would have to take a third down right up front to get the meth so he could do the job. After a little while longer Charlie started to blow off jobs he had taken advances on. Just so he could go look for drugs and sometimes those searches would go on for days. Of course with meth there is a tenancy to start doing mental circles when you do it. Which basically means whatever you are doing when you take it, you tend to keep do it the whole time your high. So wherever Charlie happened to be when he would find the meth, was where Charlie would be the whole time he was high. Which meant Charlie would have to go find another job to get a down payment on so Charlie could get the meth to finish the first job. Then the circle would start all over again it wasn’t long before Charlie found himself three or four jobs behind.
Then Charlie started to take money on jobs and never even show up to do them. Charlie would pretend like he had forgot about them to ease his conches. Sometimes Charlie would even call up the people and pretend to them he had forgot because of his busy schedule. Then apologize for the mistake and then Charlie explain to them how he had a job that had run over budget. So if they could pay Charlie another 3rd then he would be able to start their job in a day or two. Charlie was totally amazed at the number of people who would give him the money. Some time Charlie would get or should he say the people would get lucky and Charlie would find some meth quickly and show up and do some work. After awhile it got to the point where Charlie couldn’t get any work at all. So Charlie sold all his tools and everything else he could get his hands on to sell.
Because Charlie still had to have the meth and he didn‘t even know why any more, all Charlie new was that he did have to have it. While Charlie was still in business he would drive so fast from one job to the next trying to do three or four things done at once. That Charlie started to get speeding tickets and of course Charlie didn’t pay them. Because that would have taken away from his drug money, so then Charlie eventually lost his driver’s license. But of course Charlie continued to drive after all have you ever tried to landscape or hunt down a bag with out a vehicle. Then one day Charlie got pulled over for speeding and the police took away his truck for driving while suspended with no insurance. Then Charlie had no business, no money coming in, no way of making any money, and a mayor drug problem. Which led to Charlie doing all sorts of stupid things that he now regretted and would as long he lived. Even though Charlie had quit doing the drugs and no one was there pointing a fingerer at him say you did this and you did that. Charlie was doing it doing it to himself and Charlie could not forgive himself let a lone forget. At least not as long as he still lived in Oregon.
Charlie had never been a perfect angel when he was younger. In fact he had a one point been a delivery driver for friends who had a meth lab and made a few bucks. Back then it was called “crank” it got the name from the bikers who used to bring it in over the Mexican border. The bikers would tape bags of the stuff to the inside of the crankcase of their motorcycles. Back then when Charlie surrounded by the stuff all the time. It was always available to him whenever he wanted it. But still Charlie only did a little every now and then just for fun. When Charlie was on it he would have a lot of energy and would go out and climb mountains, or hike on the beach, or in the mountains. The high was so much different then the high had been the second time around. Then when had made a little nest egg of stocks and other things that paid him a few dollars every few months and had stashed away a few items away to sell later for his retirement fund. Charlie got tired of taking the risk so he just walked away from it without looking back never missing it. Charlie always knew where to go if he wanted it he just never did.
But it wasn’t like that this time around Charlie had thrown everything away just to get a little more. When the money run out Charlie had sold the stocks, which had been his fall back money for a long time. No matter how bad things got or where Charlie got stuck he knew in just a little while those checks would come. Then Charlie would be all right and able to get back on his feet or at least somewhere else where he could get things going again. But not this time Charlie sold the stocks and bonds he had just to get another bag. The biggest stash of guns Charlie had hidden away to sell later in life for his retirement had been found or he would have sold them also. Charlie had a few other items stashed here and there at friend’s houses in places that they would never look. A few necklaces and rings that where worth a little bit of money Charlie sold all of them this time around. Looking back now Charlie just considered that to be a huge irony any way. Charlie laughed out loud as he remembered what he had thought as he was selling them “dope gives and dope takes away”. Charlie was laughing because he had been stupid enough to make the dope a false God in his life. Charlie had sacrificed everything to an idol and had gotten nothing in return.
But what Charlie just couldn’t understand was why it had been so different this time around. Charlie thought to him self it had gotten harder to make now days with the law cracking down on the stuff. So Charlie wondered if that wasn’t it, you see because before you could easily come by the chemicals to make the stuff right. But now day’s people were forced to use substitutes and impure chemicals. To make stuff that was chemically close to but not the real thing and that would kind of give you the same effect. But that wasn’t the same effect at all. This was what Charlie really didn’t understand most of all, about what he had done this time around. Even though the stuff was crap, and Charlie knew it was crap, he could help but keep doing it. There was no real energy rush like before, and instead of going out and doing things he enjoyed. Charlie would just do the same things over and over again for hours. Before when he was done with his high Charlie would go to sleep and awaken refreshed with no real desire to do or not do any more. This time around Charlie would wake up with no energy at all. Charlie only thoughts were of where he could get some more so he could wake up and feel normal again. Before when he was high there was no paranoia, but this time around Charlie was always sure he was being fallowed and that people where bugging his home and truck.
So Charlie wondered to himself could it be that the impurities were the things that were making it so much more addicting. Charlie knew that bad people who had done bad thing tried to get out of their jail time. By blaming the things they had done on their addiction even if they never really had one. So then the law and lawmakers started too cracked down on the drug to help stop crime. The government started to regulate the chemicals needed make the drug, which In turn forced those who made the drug to use substitutes. Which in turn made the meth of today more addictive then the crank of old was spouse to be. Could this be the answer? Charlie knew, before if the stuff someone had were crap, Charlie would have never buy anymore and neither would anyone he knew. But this time Charlie and everybody else Charlie knew did whatever they could get their hands on. We all knew it was crap but we bought it and did it anyway. Even worst we all would do just about anything to get the drug. Charlie had done something’s he never would have done before such, as Charlie never would have chased a bag. If Charlie felt like doing some crank and it was handy to find then he would do it. But if some crank wasn’t handy to find or if Charlie didn’t feel like doing any crank he wouldn’t and it was no big deal. But this time around Charlie chased a bag one time for a week before he found it and there was no such thing as not feeling like doing it anymore. This time around Charlie was always running around saying, “I got the itch and it’s a real bad bitch”.
But it really didn’t matter anymore to Charlie why the drug had changed or what had changed it. You see Charlie had been clean for almost a little over a year and a half now and that life was well behind him now. But Charlie still owed over $10,000 in fines to the state for a logging job he had got caught doing using a landscaping license instead of a logging license. Charlie also had a lot of heavy fines to pay in order to get his drivers license back. Plus Charlie had to many bad memories here to stay in this place. Where they were always right at the back of his memory just waiting to push forward for any reason. Charlie planned to go to Texas to get a new drivers license and start his life over again. Even if Charlie never started a business again he had still learned his lesson. Now Charlie just wanted a normal life for himself. So Charlie decided he was going to go on one last road trip to find his place it this world and settle down. Charlie had picked Texas as a starting point because he was a writer. Charlie knew of nowhere else that had ever been more immortalized in song or story as Texas had been. Charlie thought anywhere that full of artist inspiration must be somewhere he could write and be happy. Charlie came out of his almost dream state and looked at the clock it said 4:10am he groaned a little as he got up to start getting ready for work.
The shower was even more stimulating than usual this morning as the hot water pour over his body. It always amazed him, how just a little hot water could refresh you so much, or relax you to the point of sleep. Depending on when you took it and how you felt when you started. The showers in the morning were just to help shake off the last of the cobwebs and bring the body to life. Because Charlie wasn’t dirty like when he came home from work and there really wasn’t that much time in the morning. So Charlie wasn’t able to take a long relaxing shower. The water would stimulate the nerve ends and the steam cleared the nasal passages, which helped the lungs to fill with oxygen. It was the showers at night that Charlie enjoyed the most when there was enough time to take a long hot relaxing shower. They would not only wash off the dirt of the days work, but also massaged his body. The wet heat relaxed the hard worked mussels and took away all the aches and pains from the days work.
Charlie really enjoyed the work, but he had had a motorcycle wreck just over a year and a half ago. One in which Charlie had broken several bones in his upper body. He had broken the shoulder bone, collarbone, and his forearm. In the accident Charlie’s forearm was broken so bad that they had to insert a metal plate and screws to hold the bone together. Charlie had gotten an incompetent doctor as a surgeon (a problem that ran ramped in Oregon). Which resulted in the doctor casting only his forearm, but didn’t body cast the rest of his upper body. The doctor just put Charlie’s forearm in a sling so every time he got up to do something, like go to the bathroom. The weight of the cast and his forearm would be put right on the collarbone and shoulder blade. Which would cause the collarbone to move breaking it again every time he got up. So Charlie was forced to lie on a couch and do absolutely nothing for two months. This resulted in Charlie’s collarbone healing wrong and now bursitis had set in to both his shoulder and forearm. The pain of both the bursitis as well as the soreness of a hard day’s work where relived by the heat of the water. When Charlie would take those long relaxing hot showers at the end of the day.
Charlie remembered how it was the motorcycle accident that had finally gotten him to stop doing the meth. Charlie remembered how the accident had happened on the way to a new job. Charlie had been living a 100 miles away from where his new job was at the time. So Charlie had left for his new job early enough to make the two and half hour ride. Charlie remembered how he had ridden almost eighty miles. When the rear wheel bearing on Charlie’s motorcycle had locked up and sent him flying into the ditch at fifty-five mph. Charlie had actually died in the accident and wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for the grace of God. You see there was a fire in the mountains Charlie had been riding threw and the accident had happened just two miles from where the fire camp was. Charlie remembered waking up as they were loading him in what he thought was an ambulance but turned out to be a helicopter. Charlie had looked up at the paramedic and asked if he could have a cigarette. The paramedic told him no and Charlie had said to the paramedic. “Look dude it’s my birthday and I’m having a real bad day could you please give me a break and let me have a smoke.” Charlie remembered how the paramedic had smiled as he looked at Charlie and replied. “I feel for you guy, but you’re on oxygen and I can’t let you smoke. We would want to blow ourselves up now would we?”
Then the strangest thing happened the ambulance lifted straight off the grown and pitched sideways as it started to move forward. Charlie’s eyes must have gotten as big as saucers, because the paramedic said to him. “That’s a trip isn’t it?” Then the paramedic told Charlie “your was lucky to be alive. Your heart had stopped when we arrived on the scene and we had to shock you eight or nine times to get your heart started again.” What Charlie did next must have shocked the paramedic, because his eyes got as big as saucers when Charlie started to yell at him. “Why in the hell did you do that? You mean I finally made it and was dead, and you brought me back. Just my luck I get the best birthday present I could get and you take it away from me!” Charlie could tell by the confused look on his face. The paramedic had never gotten that kind of response before from someone whose life he had saved.
But at this point in Charlie’s life, he had been shooting up drugs for a couple years. So Charlie was deep into an addiction that had destroyed his whole life. From Charlie’s point of view he didn’t have a life any more. Charlie felt more like a zombie then any thing else. His body was walking around, but there was no life inside. Charlie had tried to quite several times and had failed. Charlie would get a couple months clean under his belt then go write back to doing the drugs. A complete and total slave to them like a zombie was a slave to those who had brought them back from the grave. When the accident had happened Charlie had been clean for about a week. Just long enough to pass a piss test to get his job back at G.G.C. tech. They were a technological manufacturing company where hard drive disk for computers were made. Charlie was trying to make believe that he was going straight again. But deep down Charlie knew the chances were that as soon as he got his first or second check. Charlie would go running for a bag and be right back at it. Charlie wanted to get away from this life anyway he could and to Charlie death was a release from it.
Charlie didn’t have any insurance when he had his accident so Charlie lied to the unemployment office and continued to submit his weekly reports. Saying that he was looking for work and he was healthy enough to work if he could find a job. So Charlie could at least have some kind of income. Charlie’s checks had only been for the amount of eighty-eight dollars a week and Charlie would spend fifty dollars of that on a bag. Then one day it had finally hit him as Charlie was sitting there with a cast on his arm trying to shoot up. Charlie could remember thinking to him self “what in the hell are you doing? You are sitting here with a broken arm trying to shoot up one handed. You only make eighty- eight dollars a week and spending fifty of it on drugs. Look how low you have sunken to enough is enough”. Then Charlie went to the toilet and flushed all the drugs, and then he had gone out back to burn the needle in the fire barrel. That was it (a small smile crosses his face as he remembered the moment) that was the last time Charlie had ever tried to get high. It wasn’t quite that easy but it was the last time and Charlie had spent the last year and a half of his life getting his head on straight
Now the work Charlie had done since then was not what you could call hard it was mostly manufacturing and production type work. Charlie would stand around on his feet all day but he would have to pretty much stand in one place. Between that type of non-physically demanding work and of course the weight Charlie had gained from quitting the drugs. Charlie was now very out of shape and pulling green chain was very physically demanding work. So Charlie’s mussels ached a lot and his body let him know he was working it over pretty good. Even if Charlie hadn’t had the accident and the extra weight he would still be feeling the aches and pains. The reason being Charlie had not done this type of work in over ten years, and Charlie wasn’t in his twenties anymore. No, now Charlie was closer to forty than he was to thirty. Charlie started to laugh out loud to himself as he thought about that. “The guy who was going to be dead before he was twenty-one was now pushing forty.” The funny thing was Charlie didn’t feel any different than he did when he was twenty. Charlie was different and he acted differently, he thought differently, but Charlie just didn’t feel any different. Charlie’s body ached a little more when he worked hard. Charlie couldn’t pull green chain for ten hours a day then party all night and then go work on two hours sleep any more. Oh yes thing were most defiantly different, and Charlie could see the differences. But in Charlie’s mind and in his soul he didn’t feel any different. Charlie wondered how that could be.
Life and Wonders
Chapter 2
A ride down memory lane
THE PATH I TOOK
As I was walking through a forest of deep green and light brown. Leaves of orange, yellow, and gold are scattered all over the ground. The sun light trickles threw the empty branches of the trees. So that it seems to dance as the limbs sway in the genital breeze. As I walk along my soul is lifted so high it seem to take flight. So that no care or worldly woe could appear anywhere with in my sight. Surrounded by such soul shaking beauty my head starts swim in joys. That it can’t even be compared to a child on Christmas with its toys. So I journey merrily down the path simply to find it glorious end. Wondering what wonders I will find around the next bend. As I walked I ran across the most majestic of god’s creature a deer. I stop and look at him as he watched me, wondering if I dare go near. Just then he started to talk in a wonderful rhyme. What stays in the same place as it moves forward in time? I looked at him so confused at the mystery of his thought. I pondered and pondered but could not find the answer he sought. He smiled and said that a memory was the answer that was true. Then he ran off exposing a path that was intriguing and knew. After consideration I followed this path around the bend. Full of anticipation and curiosity, that would not end. But once my glorious journey was finally through. I found I was sad because I had nothing left to do.
Charlie had gotten dressed, made his lunch, and filled his thermos so now he was completely ready for work. He lit another cigarette, poured himself the last cup of coffee, and then turned of the pot. As Charlie sat down to wait for his ride his wristwatch sounded its alarm announcing to him that it was 4:45am. Charlie started to think this was just another example of how he had changed over the years. Charlie had never worn a wristwatch in his youth, let alone set the alarm on one. In the past Charlie had always told people “I’m not into time” so why wear a watch. Now days Charlie was setting the alarm so he knew that his ride to work would be coming in fifteen minutes. On top of that Charlie also had the watch set to chime every hour so he could know when each hour passed. Charlie started to chuckle a little as he said under his breath “pretty strange behavior for someone who wasn’t into time”. But Charlie still didn’t feel any different or at least he did think of himself as different.
Charlie wondered it if was because he had spent the better part of his life single and moving around. Charlie had been married once but it only lasted three years and they had move four or five time. Charlie thought about people he knew, that had felt the changes brought on by the passing of time. They had their wife or husband, their kids, and had always live in places for years at a time. Could it be that because Charlie didn’t have these indictors of the passage of time in his life? The watching of children growing from infancy to teens, the appearance of gray in the hair of a spouse, or having had lived somewhere long enough to look around and see builds that where there before. By moving around and having the things in his life in constant state of newness, had Charlie found a fountain of youth for the soul? That must be it Charlie thought to himself as he put out his cigarette. Charlie wondered if trade off and the things he missed out on were worth it?
As Charlie looked at the smoldering cigarette but in the ashtray he remember how he wanted to quit smoking. Here Charlie’s roommate smoked and Charlie had tried to quit enough times. That Charlie knew he could not quit while living with someone who smoked. It was the oldest and strongest of Charlie’s addictions and he knew it was going to be the hardest to lick. So quitting would have to wait until he moved to Texas. By the schedule Charlie had laid out for himself that would be in about three weeks. This Monday was the starting of the paid period so Charlie was going to give his two weeks notice today then he would have to wait a week for his last check. Charlie had bought an old Datsun 510 about a month ago; it was a month Charlie had spent fixing and tuning the car up getting it ready for the trip. Charlie had put in new sparkplugs, sparkplug wires, new points, a new battery, new starter, new generator, changed the oil, and Charlie had even painted it in the grange. It had a good sound motor, a descent transmission; a good set of tires, and now it not only was in tiptop shape, but it look good too. Charlie had also paid up all his bills so he could save his next check. That meant Charlie would have about eighteen hundred dollars for the trip. Which was a lot more than Charlie had started most of his trips with.
Charlie already knew he going to miss living on the Oregon coast it was one of his most special places in the world. Charlie always knew when he was upset, stresses, or depressed, he could always come sit on the sand and listen to the roar of the ocean. Then magically it would all go away it was like the rolling waves massaged it right out of his soul. No matter how bad things had gotten in his life none of it could touch him here. Charlie knew this was a lot of the reason for his traveling, because no matter where Charlie went in the world. After six to nine months Charlie was headed back to Oregon, and the first thing he would do when he got back. Was to head to some beach where Charlie could build a fire and camp for the night. Then after listening to the waves roll in and out all night Charlie would wake up completely refresh. As if some one had put a new set of batteries in him during the night. Charlie had always planned some day to settle down here and retired. Living out his final years as a wandering beach bum. Walking the sand every morning looking for what ever treasures God and nature put in his path. The Oregon department of motor vehicles had a five-year statue of limits on traffic tickets. Maybe Charlie still could retire here, but Charlie very much doubted that he would do that now.
Charlie plans had now changed because he had gone to Alaska to work in a Salmon cannery this last summer. While there Charlie had fallen in love with Alaska. Charlie had discovered that being in Alaska gave him the same feeling got when he was at the beach. Charlie found that he slept just as restful there as he did on the beach in Oregon. So now Charlie’s plans were to retire in Peteburg the place where he had gone to work. It was a very nice place with good people, and Charlie liked the feeling he got when he was there. It was the feeling of home Charlie had been looking for, for so long. Charlie actually felt like he fit in there like no other place ha had been. It was amazing how much it reminded Charlie of the small town he had grown up in. the town was on an island that was surrounded by forested mountains and streams. So Charlie could have all new mountains to explore. The need to explore was such a base need to be fulfilled in his life. It was one of the needs that had sent Charlie ruining from the small town he grew up in. when Charlie was eighteen he had joined the army and seem so of the country. This gave Charlie the traveling bug and had started him moving around. So when Charlie got out of the army he just kept traveling. Charlie was just realizing, with much surprise, what he was looking for a now. Really was a place that reminded him of that small town he grew up in. Well after Charlie had taken care of a few things down here in the lower “forty eight” (as they called them in Alaska) Charlie was headed back there to settled down for the rest of his life. At least that was that was the plan, but one thing Charlie had learned was that God and life had a way of changing the plans that he made.
With that thought Charlie look at his watch, which read 4:59 am. So Charlie put out his cigarette, drank the rest of the coffee, and went to the sink washed out the cup and left it in the strainer. Just then Charlie herd a noise outside it was john pulling up out front. So Charlie picked up his stuff, locked the door as he went out it, and walked over to the truck and got in. As Charlie was getting in the newer Toyota pick up truck he wished John a good morning. John said the same to Charlie and then asked him for a cigarette. It was the usual routine John would get a cigarette from Charlie every morning. John would buy Charlie a pack every now and then to make up for the cigarette he got from Charlie. Although Charlie didn’t care he would have just look at as payment for the ride to and from work every day. John only smoked three cigarettes a day ritually one in the morning, one at lunch, and one on the way home. Charlie suspected John smoked one at night some time before he went to bed as well.
Although Charlie and john had never talked about it, Charlie was just good about knowing things like that. Charlie just figured john didn’t see any since in buying a whole pack for the truck since Charlie smoked anyway. Charlie thought the same way and didn’t mind sharing with John either, or anyone for that matter it was just Charlie’s nature to be a giving person. Besides it was just the way it had always been between them. But it was nice of John to buy Charlie the occasional pack even if it wasn’t necessary it showed John had respect for him. It was just a little gesture that they didn’t talk about, but the respect it sowed was something that was important to both of them.
Some mornings the two men talked all the way to work other mornings they just sat silently alone with their thoughts. Charlie could tell that john liked the mornings they talked the best. John enjoyed the fine art of conversation and was quite good at it. Charlie also enjoyed the mornings that were filled with conversation. But john wasn’t the type to talk your ear off if you weren’t in the mood for it. Either they were both on the same cycle of when they felt like talking or John could just tell Charlie wasn’t in t he mood to talk and didn’t push it. Either way Charlie was thankful because he hated it, when some one who was in love with the sound of their own voice. Just assumed everyone else was and babbled on about anything and every thing just to be talking. Charlie’s thoughts this morning were for himself and himself alone like many other mornings. So john turned on the radio as he pulled out of Charlie drive way.
Charlie was thinking about Peteburg Alaska now the town where Charlie had work last summer. Charlie had gone up there to make enough money for his road trip. The plan was to work hard, keep to him self and make about five or six grand. Then hit the road for a while and find a nice place to settle down. But that’s not how it went the fishing season was bad last year. So Charlie didn’t make the money he had been counting on. That was why Charlie had ended up back in Oregon instead of being in Texas already. Neither did Charlie didn’t keep to himself in fact he found him self-being very popular there. Everyone there seamed to liked Charlie and surprisingly Charlie found that he liked everyone there as well.
Charlie wanted to say he became someone different up there, but the truth was that Charlie was himself again up there. Who Charlie had become here was the different person and someone Charlie really didn’t like being. While in Alaska Charlie was out going and friendly always having a smile on his face. Here Charlie was withdrawn sometimes to the point of rudeness, and Charlie always walked around with a frown on his face. But Charlie couldn’t help being that person here because of all Charlie had been through here. Being withdrawn was Charlie’s defense against people getting to know him. Just so they could find out how to hurt him the best. Charlie’s frown came from both hating where he was and also from the constant reminders of what Charlie had done to himself and other on drugs. So now Charlie was just killing time until he had enough money to get further down the road. In hopes that by being somewhere else Charlie could once again get back to being him self and start feeling good about himself again.
As the truck rolled along Charlie stared out the window into the predawn darkness not really looking at anything. Charlie’s thoughts turned to his childhood as they made their way down coastal highway headed to work. Charlie remembered how when he was young he had suffered from a bladder problem. As a result of this Charlie could not tell when he had to go to the bathroom until he was almost going. Some times Charlie could not tell until he was going and once he had started pee he could not stop it. So Charlie wet the bed at night but even worst Charlie would wet his pants at school. This problem lasted all the way into the sixth grade long after all the other kids of his age had stopped wetting their pants at school. Charlie’s mother and teachers did not consider this a medical problem. So Charlie was made to feel it was his fault, as well as being punished, and worst of all constantly teased by the other kids.
Finally one day his sixth grade teacher named miss Sizemore took Charlie a side and asked him why he did this all the time. Then Charlie explained to her what was happening and finally someone had listen to him. Then {at the school instance.} Charlie’s mother took him to the doctor to see if there was a medical problem. The doctor ran some tests that did revile a medical problem. Charlie didn’t just have a small bladder and he was just lazy like his mother and other teachers had assumed the problem was. The problem was the nerve ends around Charlie’s bladder hadn’t fully developed. Resulting in a condition where there were no impulses sent to Charlie’s brain when his bladder was full. So there was no way Charlie could know when he had to go to the bathroom like other people did. The doctor prescribed medicine that heightened the sensitivity of the nerve endings around Charlie’s bladder. Within a month the incidences of wetting his pants stopped and so did the bed-wetting after a couple more months. But the damage was already done the kids all still teased Charlie all the time. Charlie’s role, as a nerd and school joke was already set. A role that followed Charlie all the way threw high school until he was eighteen at which point Charlie left the small town as soon as he could.
As if that wasn’t bad enough Charlie’s dad had lost his job and spent over four years on unemployment. Charlie remembered how his father had been the top sawyer at a very big furniture manufacturer. While working there Charlie’s father was making over ten dollars and hour back in the seventies, which was like making thirty dollars and hour now days. Then the union went out on a strike that last over six months long. Once the strike was over the company had lost most of it’s cliental and with it’s resources depleted from the strike. The company had to file bankruptcy four months after the strike was over. About a year before the strike had happened Charlie’s mother and father had taken out a big loan. So they could buy two acres of land and a brand three-bedroom doublewide mobile home. So then Charlie’s parents had the bills of a ten-dollar an hour income, but were only making unemployment wages for over four years. Needless to say that all so made Charlie one of the poor kids as well.
Charlie remembered how all his clothes were bought at the goodwill and other thrift stores. So they were not only out of style but were well worn also. Then Charlie would have to ware them until they were falling apart, so his jeans always had home sowed patches or wholes in them. Charlie’s mother didn’t care what the clothes look like as long as they were cheap. Which meant everything Charlie had was mixed and miss matched to say the least. This only gave the kids at school more ammunition to use when they picked on him. Charlie smirked (so he didn’t cry) as he remembered a certain pair of puke green and piss yellow plaid pants Charlie’s mom had bought him. Charlie swore he would never in his life ware them. But when the washer and dryer broke down his parents didn’t money to replace then. So Charlie’s mom started doing the family laundry at the local laundry mat. This meant that the laundry was only done every two weeks and Charlie only had three pair of pants besides the plaid ones. So Charlie would ware his pants four or five times between washings because he wasn’t ever going to ware those pants.
This was Charlie’s first lesson in how life will change your plans. Charlie remembered that day oh so well when his mom told the kids that the tires on the car had to be replaced. “The money has to come from some where,” his mother said “so we will not be doing any laundry this week”. Charlie held out as long as he could but after three weeks all his other pants where so dirty and smelled so bad. Charlie broke down and wore the plaid pants to school. Everyone laughed out loud as they saw him coming, then came the comments. “Nice pants”, “where’s the dead Niger you stole those from”, and “dose your grandpa know your warring his pants”. These and many other comments echoed down the hallways each followed by another round of laughter. Charlie’s way of coping with the consent teasing and ridicule had always been to laugh along with everyone else. When they would say something funny Charlie would laugh out loud like it was said to some one else. It was very good defense mechanism Charlie would just find humor in what was said like everyone around him. But this time Charlie just couldn’t do that he was so humiliated and ashamed that he hid in the bathroom until everyone went to class. Then Charlie left school and cried all the way home. Even though Charlie didn’t live in the small logging town anymore, the laughter of those kids still followed him around.
Then when Charlie reached his teens and started to think about things like a girlfriend no one would date him. Because Charlie was the guy everybody laughs at all the time and even if a girl liked him. The response from their friends would be. “Gross your not really thinking about going out with him are you?” or the always popular “you got to be kidding”. Charlie remembered how when he was sixteen he dropped out of school to get his high school equivalency diploma. Charlie did it so he cloud start collage early (Charlie’s S.A.T. scores at sixteen hade him place at the fourteenth and fifteenth grade levels). But the school counselor thought Charlie was just dropping out to get out of school, so she enrolled him in the G.E.D. program instead. Well in the G.E.D classes Charlie found a group of misfits like himself so he and the group became fast friends.
In this group were Ted whose mother worked with Charlie’s mother and Ted’s sister Jill. Ted and Jill live about fifteen miles out of town and Charlie had a car (a beat up old station wagon). So Charlie would go and pick up Ted and Jill for classes every morning. Ted and Charlie became the best of friends and Jill was always the tag along. Jill was a year younger then Ted and Charlie who were separated in age by two months almost to the day. Well as time went by Charlie started to develop a crush for Jill and Charlie kind a thought she felt the same way. Because they got along so well they like the same music, shared the same opinions on most things and they were always making each other laugh. Jill would always light up with that special smile when Charlie was around. Then one night a group of then went to a drive in movie in Charlie’s station wagon. It was Ted and his girlfriend Beverly, Jill and this guy named Joe, and Charlie of course by himself. Ted had told Charlie earlier that Jill and her mom had gotten in a fight so only going out with Joe to piss her mom off.
Joe was only seventeen and he had already been in the state reform school three times for various crimes. Joe had also been bounce from one foster home to the next for being a troublemaker. Joe just wasn’t a very nice guy at all. So as the night went on Ted and Beverly were in the back seat making out. While Charlie, Jill, and Joe were in the front seat talking. Then Jill started to kiss Joe for a little while until Joe had to go to the bathroom. Once Joe had left the car Charlie lean over and whispered in Jill’s ear. “You don’t have to go out with this looser if you don’t want to. I would be glad to be your boyfriend if you wanted.” Then Jill started to scream “NNNNNOOOOO NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOO” at the top of her lungs “I could never show my face in town if I did that” Charlie was crushed.
But that wasn’t nearly as bad as what happened a few months later. Ted and Beverly had broken up and then Ted and Jill moved into Portland. Leaving both Charlie and Beverly kind of abandoned, so Charlie and Beverly start hanging out with each other. Charlie would give Beverly rides home from school and they would go to the arcade and play pool together. Charlie and Beverly would also meet for coffee in the mornings before school and talk. Both of them knew it was just as friends and that there was nothing-romantic going on between them. Then Beverly’s father had a heart attack and had to go in for open-heart surgery. The doctors only had only given him a fifty/fifty chance of surviving. So Beverly asked Charlie if she could get a ride home with him the day of the surgery. Because if Beverly rode the school bus home by the time she got there her mom would have already left for the hospital. Beverly wanted to be at the hospital before the surgery because it might be the last time she would get to see her dad alive. Of course Charlie agreed, and when it was time for school to let out he was waiting by his car across from the school.
Charlie waited and waited until all the busses had left and then waited another ten minutes, but Beverly never showed up. So Charlie figured Beverly’s family had sent someone for her and he left. Later that night around seven thirty Charlie call up Beverly’s house and to his surprise Beverly answered the phone. So Charlie asked Beverly how her father was doing, and Beverly said she didn’t know she had missed her ride to the hospital. Charlie ask Beverly how she did that and Beverly told Charlie she had ridden the school bus home. Charlie was totally surprised and ask how she could have missed him he was right in front of the school across from where the buses loaded up. Then Beverly said she had seen him but she had gotten on the school bus anyways. “Why” Charlie asked her, and Beverly said. “Because one of my girlfriends had said that she had been seeing you and I together a lot and she wanted to know if we were dating now. So I told no way but I just didn’t want to be seen getting a ride from you. That way no one would think that we were going out.” Then she said goodbye quickly and hung up. She never talked to Charlie again. Charlie remembered how much this had hurt him. That someone would rather miss what might be their last chance to see their dad alive. Then to be seen getting a ride from him in case someone might think they were going out. Charlie just couldn’t believe that the idea of going out with him was that bad.
Although these things had hurt Charlie badly they where not the thing that had hurt him the worst. When Charlie was seventeen years old he had been at the local moose lodge’s annual picnic. Charlie was looking around and as he did Charlie spotted one of his cousins playing with this kid. At first glance Charlie thought this kid was a boy until his eyes meet hers. Then all the sudden Charlie felt this tingling running up and down his spine. It felt like some one had hooked Charlie up to a power line and he had a couple hundred volts of electricity running threw his body. It wasn’t a boy Charlie’s cousin had been playing with it was a girl with short hair. Her name was Donna and Charlie was in love for the first time in his life. Charlie went over and introduced him self to her and they hit it off right away. Donna felt the same attraction that Charlie did and they spent the rest of the afternoon talking to each other. Donna was from a small town in Montana and had just moved to Oreton a small town about twenty miles from where Charlie lived. Donna was at the picnic because her grandmother and grandfather went to the lodge. At the end of the day Donna gave Charlie her phone number.
Charlie and Donna talked on the phone all the time and grew closer and closer as they did. Donna was only 15 when they met and her father told her she had to wait until she was sixteen before she cloud date. So Charlie’s sister Sue would call and ask for her then Charlie would get on the phone and they would talk for hours. This went on for a few months until the moose lodge youth group had a dance and Charlie (who was the treasurer) invited her to come. She arranged to stay at her grandmother house that weekend and came to the dance. They danced and sat together for most of the night. Then after a couple hours they slipped out side then went and sat on the hood of Charlie’s car. After only a few minutes they were locked in an embrace and kissing. As they kissed a couple of local girls walked by and said out loud. “Oh how gross is she really kissing Charlie?” Charlie felt Donna kind of pull away for a second, but then she went back to kissing him.
Donna spent the rest of the weekend in town but she only talked to Charlie once on the phone. Donna told Charlie she had made friends with a couple of local girl and wanted to spent time with them. Donna said she didn’t want her grandmother to tell her father about Charlie because she didn’t want to get into trouble. So they agreed not to see each other for the rest of the weekend. But when the weekend was over Donna started talking to Charlie less and less. When Charlie’s sister would call Donna’s sister would answer and say Donna wasn’t there. When Donna would answer the phone when Charlie would get on to talk to her, but Donna wouldn’t say much then she would say goodbye quickly. It was only about a month after the dance that Donna turned sixteen and got her driver license. Then it happened Charlie ran in to her in town one night and ask Donna why she didn’t call him. The two girls that Donna had been with laughed and said very coldly “like she would want to call you”. Donna could see the hurt in his eyes so she took Charlie aside. Then Donna explained to Charlie how she didn’t want to be laughed at by her friends so they couldn’t see each other any more. This hurt Charlie beyond what he ever believed he could be hurt and left him crying at home alone for better than a month.
After these to incidences Charlie became very shy, when he would see a girl he liked he would clam up and be very quite around her unless nobody was around. Because Charlie felt like if anyone knew he was interested in a girl then the girl would run away. Then when Charlie would get the nerve up to ask a girl out. Charlie would walk up to her to ask her out as Charlie did he would hear “no, no, no” in his head. So then Charlie would just walk right on by and not ever try to ask her out again. Or if Charlie tried to call a girl he like Charlie would pick up the phone and dial the whole number except the last digit. Then Charlie would hear that no, no, no, again then he would just hang up. If Charlie did past all this and get to the point where he was dating a girl. Which Charlie only could with a girl he didn’t really care about, so if she turned him down he wouldn’t get hurt. Charlie would try and be prefect, Charlie would open doors, buy them flowers, and give them cards out of the blue. Charlie would do all those things girls claimed they wanted a guy to do. But it was never good enough. Other guys could be total assholes; they could lie, cheat, bad mouth, and even beat girls. These guys the girls would always go out with and be their girlfriends. But Charlie was never good enough no matter how good he was or how wonderful he acted. Some how Charlie just knew he never would be.
Now the reason his father was on unemployment for so long wasn’t that his father was lazily or couldn’t find a job. The unemployment office had put Charlie’s father in a retraining program and his father was going to school to get his real-estate license. Charlie’s father ended up graduating with a B plus average and in nineteen seventy-four or five. Charlie remembered how everyone started to make a killing in the real-estate market in the seventies. Charlie knew his father could have been one of them, but Charlie’s mother insisted his father look for other work. Because she instead that he have a job with a regular paycheck, and real-estate agents were paid on a commission basis. Not only that she instated that Charlie’s father get a job in the small town where they lived Instead of in Portland, which was just 30 miles away. So his dad was forced to take a minim wage job washing dishes instead of the three times minimum wage job he had when they started to buy their home. But they still had the three times minimum wage loan payments to make. Needles to say Charlie remained one of the poor kids for the rest of his childhood. Charlie laughed to him self as he thought his mother’s greed had destroyed her chances at the money she loved so much.
Because of the money situation Charlie’s dad work all week then come home and give Charlie’s mother his check to pay the bills. Then Charlie’s father would go out and pickup bottles and can for the deposit five-cent deposit they had in Oregon. Charlie’s dad would use this money to buy his cigarette and the occasional beer. Charlie’s father did this so that these things would not take away from the money that was needed to pay the bills and take care of the family. Charlie thought now that this was a noble sacrifice for his dad to do these things for the family. But this had made Charlie’s father seam like the town joke to a lot of people because Charlie’s father let his wife run and ruin his life like she had. Which of course, in turn made Charlie the son of the joke and was just one more thing for the kids to put him down for. Charlie always felt like he was still a joke as long as Charlie was here in Oregon. However when Charlie would travel to some other state those feelings seamed to leave him as he crosses the border of Oregon. In other places the people around Charlie seamed to like him, respected him, and even considered him to be somewhat intelligent. Charlie had left the state many time just to return again after awhile. Charlie would say it was because he missed his ocean, which was partly true.
But in the end there was two major reasons the first being Charlie’s family was here and as much as they disagreed he did love his family. The second reason was that this was Charlie’s home and deep inside Charlie wanted the approval and respect here that he found everywhere else. Charlie would move somewhere and get set up with a job he liked and a place to stay. Then after awhile Charlie would start to feel better like he was over the inferiority complex that he felt in Oregon. Then Charlie would start to get home sick and miss the familiar surrounding of Oregon. So sure enough Charlie would pack up and head back home thinking he could have the same success there. But it never failed as soon as Charlie got back to Oregon things would start to screw up and then all those feeling would return and with in four or five months he was gone again.
Just then the truck slow to round the last turn before work and Charlie brought himself back to reality. Charlie looked at his watch it read a quarter until six. Charlie had just enough time to drink another cup of coffee then clock in and go to work. Just the way Charlie liked it on mornings like these. Charlie would punch in a little early and go down to the chain. Then Charlie would clear all the chain of all the broads that had been left from the day before. That way the crew could start with a clean chain, because Charlie knew that it wouldn’t be long before the chain was filled again. As Charlie finished clearing the chain the other two guys he worked with showed up and they were ready to start the workday.
Life and Wonders
Chapter 3
Momma can you hear me?
A Prayer To Mother
I was walking through the forest one beautiful day.
Wondering if I ever saw you again what would I say.
Looking back my life has been an eventful one.
It has had its moments of pain but also those of fun.
I became the vagabond rebel you said I be.
To you this was a curse, but a blessing to me.
This made me a complete and hopeless failure to you.
But I have seen victory in having the courage so few do.
Your life was lived in the safety of always having a home.
Mine filled with all the uncertainties faced when you roam.
My love for you was always true and plain to see.
Weather you did or how much was always a mystery.
So I think if I had the chance to say anything at all.
It would be, I love and miss you, and I wish you could call.
Love Always Chip
Charlie went out to the chain and started to pull off all the all broads that were left on the chain and put them in their perspective stacks. As Charlie worked the other two men he worked with showed up and they all greeted each other. As the other men helped him finish they had their five-minute bull session that occurred each morning. They talked a little about what they did the night before and told a couple jokes. Killing time until the rest of the mill got fired up and running. It was still dark out which was one of the things Charlie liked about the job. The green chain was outside, it was covered with a roof to keep them dry when it rained but it had no walls. Where Charlie stood to do his job was facing east. So Charlie got to watch the sunrise every morning. Charlie considered this to be a bonus that no amount of money could equal.
Charlie watched as the blackness of the night faded into a deep dark purple, then as the deep purple gradually slipped into a lighter purple. Then after a little while it would change from neon purple to a neon pink. The neon pink became a hot pink then quickly changed to a fiery deep red. The speed of the color changes would start out as slow and gradual but now the color changes came quickly. The fiery red change to a bright orange then to a brilliant gold then the gold to white then from white the whole sky would turn to a powder blue and the day had started. Charlie liked watching sunrises and sunsets because he could see an orchestration in them. This was just one of the ways Charlie could see the hand of God in all things around him. Besides Charlie figured since God went out of his way to give mankind the present of such a beautiful way of saying good morning. Why should he miss it if he didn’t have too? Then Charlie thanked God for such a wonderful present and the job that allowed him to watch it
After the sunrise was over Charlie slipped into his routine of pulling boards and stacking them in their proper stack. Then Charlie’s thought went back to his past as where they had been all morning long. Now Charlie was remembering how after him and his wife broke up he had moved back to Oregon. Charlie had been gone for three year and while he had been gone. The close group of friends Charlie had considered family had all
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oneshot92 reviewed Version 1 -
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this could be a very good story, but it neeeds a lot of work.
First of all slow down. Take time to really focus on the different phases of Charlie’s life. Especially the meth phase. Get really detailed with that. Research meth abuse so that you can really describe the highs abd lows.
Next your spelling needs a lot of work. Turn on your spell check.
I’m not a grammer wiz myself, but you need some real help there. Learn where to use commas, and how to properly begin and end sentences.
Dialogue. Instead of describing what was said, hold a conversation with the characters.
Like I said. You have a really good story here, but it needs a lot of work and focus. Stay with it.
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Curtastrophe reviewed Version 1 -
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The poem at the beginning was nice. I’m not a big fan of poems that constantly rhyme, (Unless of course it’s Shel Silverstein) so I wasn’t overly impressed by it. That being said, I’m not a big fan of poetry. But I firmly do believe that if one is going to open their story with a poem, it’s gotta be really, really strong.
The alarms pulsating / alarm’s
brain bring his dream / bringing
“As consciousness slow…” This sentence confused me. It’s a bit awkward.
still Charlie new / knew
around and conciseness / consciousness
Okay, after reading just the first paragraph, I noticed something that I highly suspect will continue as the story goes on—word repetition. The word “consciousness” is used three times and “Charlie” used twice. Try to avoid word repetition as much as possible because seeing the same word over and over again fatigues the reader. It also leads them to believe that the author didn’t spend much time trying to make the piece look professional.
of fluids was released / were
Yup, lots of repetition with the word “Charlie”. Try using “he” occasionally.
was Leonard skinnerd’s free bird / Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird”
Charlie body still / Charlie’s
Charlie cloud tell / could
“…made a killing for the…” This is a cliché. Avoid them “like the plague”.
Something that sticks out at me that I really like is the narrative—The story’s told in a colloquial, kind of “down home” way that makes me imagine I’m sitting around a fire listening to my Grandad or some other great storyteller spin a great yarn.
when he was on the meth / addicted to meth, or just using meth
I think at the core of this there is a really good story. The problem with it is that it drags in a lot of places. Instead of showing us Charlie in action, the narrative often lapses into extensive backstory that really seem to go nowhere. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but with all this back story it reads like an biography. If a reader wanted to read one of these, they’d do so about someone they were actually interested in, not a fictional character. Do you understand what I’m saying?
My best advice to give would be to pare this story down as much as possible while still retaining the essence and crucial elements to the characters and plot. There were quite a few grammatical and punctuation errors that need to be addressed on the revising of this piece. Try picking up a book on novel writing. One of my favorites is called On Writing by Stephen King. Don’t worry, it covers fiction writing in general, exclusively horror. It’s very easy to read and offers invaluable advice to both new and advanced writers. Seriously, check it out at the library or buy it at a bookstore. You should have no trouble finding it. Other than that, read as much as you possible can to get an understanding of the mechanics and structure of story writing. If you’re just writing for fun that’s one thing, but if your intention is to have this in publication, you’ve got some more work to do. I hope this helps and feel free to ask any questions you might have. That being said, I as a writer continue to learn new things all the time. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
-Curt
April 06, 2007
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