Poetry / An Adult's Hands

Knowing what I know, as little as that may be, I do wish I knew more so I could be someone more reliable with the connections you need on occasion.  

I’m glad you can talk about such a tough subject openly and objectively.  I don’t know if you need a pervasive critique from me, and it may not be necessary, as I know the subject matter and inspiration.  Thanks for shooting me a friend request here.  Talk to you later.

Thanks for sharing a part of yourself,

-J

This is very good; the title can be simultaneosly misleading and a clue.

“You already had someone (who) your hands…”

In the 6th line, I don’t think swayed is the right word. He is tempted, and gives into those temptations. I understand if you changed it, you would have to change betrayed to keep the rhyme, but I think it would be a good idea.

Good job!

this was amazeing no doubt you have poetic talent and you are a great writer i see no fualts with this at all it rhyms perfectly and comes together beautifully !!!i love what its saying to becouse this is point blank telling you what your trying to say and i beleive its said perfectly and i want to read so much more of your things i must and i will!!!!!!!

Oh my god, this was powerful, it flowed and read nicely, it wasn’t difficult to understand your pain, and I can identify with it as I’ve seen the same things in my dreams at night.  This was good, you did a good job.

This piece was very potent. The horribleness of the young girl’s body being molested was very acute, and I found it hard to keep reading—not because of bad writing but because of good writing about a bad subject. I hope that you were not the true victim but were writing from someone else’s perspective. Keep writing!

this was well written. it hit a little close for me so i will critique form rather than content :) You could use a wee bit more punctuation and did you intend something with the capitalization of time in the last stanza?

This is a poignant and strong piece on child abuse and must have taken great courage to write it. It is told dispassionately without incrimination or hate, almost a just-so story that in a way makes it even more horrendous. Two things I can mention. One is a personal thing about the rhyme scheme, which I am not that fond of, but it works to a degree. The poem could be more powerful if it weren’t so obvious. The other is that you mention guardians who didn’t know, so it was someone else that betrayed or abused you. Perhaps some reference to whom this person is to you, or is that asking too much? Nice job!