Poetry / Death of Bees

I like this poem quite a bit. I believe that the metaphor between bees, and the unexpected “stings” of life are quite present. I also like the fact that you broke off the last stanza, because it is reviewing the quiet calm state of the characters now that their storm has passed, and it seems very well placed, so i like that and the fact that you break in the middle of the sentence on the second stanza, in order to separate the third.
This is such a deep piece, and it paints so many wonderful literal images and then has quite a wonderful deep metaphor…which i love!
And i am not sure what i would do to improve it really.
Infact, I am going to say nothing at all. :) kudos.
kim

I love the pictures that are painted in my mind as I read this. Dive bombers on a bright pink shirt, daffodils waiting for their syrup to be gathered by wayward tongue. Brilliant!

It brings out the inner biologist and at the same time it’s sad somehow. You know that someone is missing.

Very cool

The writing is very smooth. I love the first stanza with the ghosts and springtime snow. There isn’t much I would change about this except that something about the beginning of the last stanza feels rushed, maybe because “skip and spin” seem too generic for this level. Also, instead of repeating the word waiting you could find something else to replace the second one. Oh and bees can’t see pink so if you’re going for authenticity you could change the color to blue, yellow or purple.
Over all I loved reading this.

I think this is a brilliant poem. Beautiful images and ideas that lead the mind on  to other issues. As if the whole world can be seen in this park turning into parking. I always try to leave suggestions, to aid in the process of poems that are never really finished, but i honestly can’t think of anything. I love it as is.

The first and third stanzas tell the true story of what is happening and the middle stanza is a sarcastic backlash at the ones that don’t take notice. Our fruits and vegetables are at risk as well!
I like the way you almost metaphore this tragedy with a long lost love affair which is really is. Very sad but this is the way flowers make love, isn’t it?

I really, really like this poem.  The use of language is beautiful, I can see the bees starving.  I also really liked the transition of the second to third stanzas.  My only comment is I didn’t care for “first blue moon” – not sure why, it seemed out of place somehow…