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Haiku/Senryu / Hope
Hope can give us strength
A light shining in darkness
Dangerous to lose
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VioletL reviewed Version 1 -
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You’ve got the stucture, but without the title, I don’t think I’d have the foggiest idea of what this is about.. Also, play with punctuation on this. If you started Hope can give us strength, it would be better, but look at how you can give this punch.
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untoldstory reviewed Version 1 -
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Great message here. Yes, hope definitely gives us strength…especially during times of difficulty, pain or “darkness.” I also agree with your last line “dangerous to lose.” That’s so true, once you lose hope, there really is nothing left. Someone once said to me that hope is useless…and negative. I think hope is not necessarily a bad thing…if what we hope for is something that does not harm us negatively…then it’s something positive…growth. Your haiku also followed the format and structure. Good work.
tune_n_2_god reviewed Version 1 -
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Beautifully said. One hard thing that I’ve found with writting haikus is that its hard to envoke emotion along with using metaphors. The only advice I would give is to try and use things that you have gone through so that the readers can feel what you felt. Great job!
pjwilson reviewed Version 1 -
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Haiku’s like any other poetry take time to really make well. But we can all use a little hope while writing.
imjustme reviewed Version 1 -
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That was good haiku, and it gives a great oulook on hope and life. Very good with metaphors, too….
Cavol reviewed Version 1 -
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It IS very hard to accomplish a good Haiku because there’s so little space to express yourself properly. What you have to do then is express yourself in fragments that make sense only when considered together. There is no Senryu category but it’s important that you know this is a Senryu (if you don’t already) because it deals with humanity rather than nature. Separate from that, I though the title was weak. “Hope” by itself is a cliche and won’t entice interest in your poem. The poem itself also cliche; light has been used as a symbol of hope since the bible. You should also know that all three lines should contain images. The first two should seem to not have any obvious connection with each other until the 3rd image which should put the first two in context. In your poem, only 1 line has an image.
choppyluvlust reviewed Version 1 -
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i like this…
with all that’s going on with the wars…hope really does seem to be nonexistent. but every blue moon, there’s a glimpse of it…and you get excited…and desperately try to hold on to it before it fades.
i think you did a great job on this senryu actually.
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