Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Behind the mask
By the time this letter is found, it will be too late. They may come for me tonight, seeking blood for that time long ago, when I was young and stupid… if only I had fought harder back then, and found her before they did…if only… it could have-
-by F. John, April 20--
News Today (local tabloid)
The bullet that killed DI Matthew Eisenhower was fired from at least nine feet away. That however could not be said for the eight other bullets found inside him.
Suspects? None. Detective- Inspector Matty was a saint among the sarcastic men in the Department, used to help old ladies cross the street and delivered countless kittens to their owners’s arms. The closest thing he had to an argument was a minor discussion with his partner Fred F. involving pancakes or burgers for breakfast. Not a hint of scandal about Matty at all- didn’t I say he was a saint?- sure, his niece had run away some years before, but that little brat had always been a troublemaker, no one would have been surprised if she’d come home with a baby, or not come home at all.
At least that’s what the guys over at the ole station are saying. But they couldn’t stop this young reporter (yours truly) from getting all the dirt. I had a very reliable contact of mine up in the hospital, and he said that they’d found twenty-two bullets in the DI’s head, all at close range, and that the coroner had said the bullets were so huge, “any bigger and they’d have come from a tank…”
Kevin Arlowe crumpled the paper thoroughly and tossed it out the window. He didn’t care if it fell on someone below- no matter what city his family moved to, some things never changed.
For one, his irritation with tabloid reporters. They spouted stories like fountains. Worse, his classmates took their word as law and would discuss it during breaks, nodding wisely and getting even further from the truth. He could march right up to them and tell them Mr. F. Whatsisname was exaggerating and the gun had probably been just a small pistol.
But he didn’t. He’d have to admit that his mother was a cop, admit that he’d been so accustomed to bloodshed it didn’t even faze him, admit that he’d seen into the eyes of murderers before, by age twelve experienced horrors that would turn their stomachs. They’d only think he was showing off, and it wouldn’t change their opinions about him. Wise-guy. Smart-aleck. Jerk.
Also, it wouldn’t change the fact that Matthew Eisenhower’s head held twenty-two bullets.
Or that there was a blood-soaked letter in his pocket.
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First, usually a parent that’s a cop doesn’t get their kid involved with their job, so that seems a bit farfetched.
I do like the story idea; people are so gullible about what they read in tabloids.
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First off, I didn’t see any real big grammatical errors that popped out at me.
I am confused to the exact amount of bullets that were fired. twenty-two or nine? You say nine at the
beginning…then twenty-two later on. And, the Bullets were the “size of a tank” or the bullet holes? Bullet holes are more believable.
Moving on…I would take out the “He didn’t care if it fell on someones head…” and take out the hyphen so the last sentence is understood as the community never changing.
Third to last paragraph…It’s just me..but I don’t think a murderer would care that much if he was a “wise-guy/smart-aleck/jerk”. I do like the last line though. With just one simple sentence you have altered our perception on this guy. He’s suddenly the murderer and we loath him…atleast I do. =]
One thing though… While the murderer is reading the article, I’d have the article in italics. That way the reader can understand what they are reading. I was a bit confused up until the end as to who was speaking/thinking.
All in all though, this was a very interesting read – suspenceful. Hope you get a good grade on this =]
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Interesting. Written in a style appropriate for the kind of story being told, and that style sounds natural here, not contrived. A good set-up for a longer piece.
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