Criticism / Theres a reason the sun rises, and ignorance is not bliss.

I say “the sky is green with pollution”, you say take a “Claritin D.”  (nice)
Individually, there are some good line, a spark of profundity here and there; but as a whole, this is a jumble. Jumbles are entertaining, but they tend to be called jumbles and not published articles. Have I missed the thread that holds all of these sections together? If so, I’m sorry. If not, get a thread going here, and you’ll get good response to this.

Proofreading notes:
thought that counts. (Replace period with question mark. In general, you ask a lot of questions but don’t use the question mark.)
no mans land = no man’s land
How does oppression, inequality, and “justice” shine kind eyes on the arrogance of man as a whole. (Good question? Maybe, but this reviewer has no idea what it means. How does oppression shine kind eyes on anything?)

The last line of this rant is one that screams from a generation such as ours. Youth of America. Where your frustration lays is a little untidy, and your overuse of cliches need a little editing.

Overall this is a eloquent provocative piece made from a strong voice.

say “anarchy”, you say “criminal.”
I say “God as design”, you say “heathen.”
I say “the sky is green with pollution”, you say take a “Claritin D.”(FUNNY)
I say “I’m sad”, you say “I’m not,” and you lie to yourself.

NICE I LIKE THIS PART!

EXCELLENT. YOU GET TO THE POINT. YOU MAKE GOOD POINTS THAT NOONE ELSE COULD THINK ABOUT. TRY READING HENRY DAVID THOREAU. YOU WRITE JUST LIKIE HIM.

Your piece is very difficult to understand. First off, your syntax is cumbersome, your word choice is pretentious, and your punctuation needs serious attention. But even more disconcerting to this reader is the absence of a clearly stated, overriding idea and an almost complete absence of concrete details explaining or supporting your vague statements. Only in the three lines starting,”Here and now I am angry…..” do you finally give the reader something to grasp in the way of what you are driving at, and that is almost at the end of your piece. You need to use straightforward language supported by concrete details the illustrate or clarify further what you are trying to communicate. I haven’t the vaguest idea what you mean by “Why is my free will forced stagnant.” Is this a question? What does “forcd stagnant” mean? Ditto “They do not conform your movement, eating habits, and evolution.” And “It tastes sour in my mouth, but human beings are domesticated.” These sentences make no sense, and you make no effort to clarify them. This was a very difficult piecce to read; I ended feeling more frustrated than informed, by a long, long shot.

You make some good points. Most of this is extremely well written. I would like to see a stronger first statement to really suck people in.  The final statement is a good punch, but a set-up, maybe tying back into the base ball from the beginning, would really make it a knock-out blow:). No real errors that I don’t think aren’t intentional.