Poetry / Solitudes
‘Midst solitudes of wild flowers and crowns
White with golds… swaying to winds’ silent breath…
Upon threads of lances… here abides this quiet throne
Still and stone-poised ‘gainst its standing hours…
Once in days of seasons,
When fleeting crowns of glory danced
in its towering beauty…
and earthly angels nestled in
finding comfort and rest in its embrace…
it remembers those gentler days
in those spells of winds
whispered in days…
where songs of children danced and played
in shadows laced with sun’s gentle glow…
In it… solitudes reposed…
its emeralds golden born and reborn… again and again
Remembering…
it gentle with sun’s gentle glow…
it shivering with twilights’ mysteries…
when mornings’ dew caressed its fleeting crest
it ripe with dreams haunted in shadows
it whispers these days never forgotten
when it stood tall gently in towering might
pressed ‘gainst heaven’s veil,
its shadow cast, marking hours of days…
remembering…
Its throne’s darken’d character
now but a standing mound,
bearing timely rings towards heaven’s stare,
as shadows deepen within weathered ravines,
where crests of white molding flesh bloom…
here this tower,
now but a mound of earthly stone
stands…
’midst wild blossoms and crowns white with gold
where grass lanced with golden spears sway,
they gentle with slumbers of days of dreams…
now tend it in its passing hours…
such a dream to dream…
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This sounds very good but you can definately see where improvement needs done. In writing, I notice that diolouge can help usher the story or peice of writing well in a way that is not as boring to read through as a big bulky paragraph; those are simply tempting to skip or rip your hair out to trudge through. Can improve on making things a little clearer, use the exact word, not its second cousin, and never give up.
- add/view comments (0)
the formatting is great, it added to the visual aspects of your poem, liked it a lot
the cadence is lovely, it highlighted your voice very well. this is not a style of poetry I would normally read to the end, instead I would get bored and move onto something else, however, you kept my attention to the last line.
my only criticisms are that ‘days’ was repeated in stanza two and used again later, another word perhaps? it is adjective heavy at times, this reflects the tone of the piece, however, an edit might tighten the read. also, Im not quite sure about the use of ellipses throughout, one or two seem relevant, but its borderline for overuse. These are all minor issues, please take or leave my suggestions.
thank you for such a restful read, I enjoyed it.
This poem is utterly amazing. The reason why I say this is because as the reader I felt like I was on this little journey, so-called walk, with you! Great imagery if I may say so!
I have to say first off that the structure really adds to this. Simply doing that can pull readers in. In “When fleeting crowns of glory danced in its towering beauty” wouldn’t “their” instead of “its” be more appropriate? If not, then I was obviously confused on that part, so it might need to be re-worked. I don’t see any other problems with it, and if this is what walking produces, you should do it more often!
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
