Lyrics / boomers

its weird and doesnt look or feel like a song at all
try rhyming better

Cool, quite deep.I don’t feel you need the “blow your mind” line thou. I stumbled on the flow. well done! x

Not bad at all. I like the progression at the end, “some of them blew…”

Unless this is an art song or techno or some other form that doesn’t need a well-developed lyric, you need more here. The repetitive part could work very well, but it’s hard to tell here without music.

agast = aghast ?

Very gripping and powerful. Yet short, and usually I’d say that’s bad. But you said what you needed to say and didn’t dance around with words. The Balls to the walls, that line kinda pulled me out of the poem’s mood. If you replaced it with something more reverant or more formal, I’d really enjoy it.

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March 17, 2008

by monsterchild60

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49	F	Willits, CA	July 29

i don’t believe there was a lot of formality or reverance about the boomers.  they were the generation that broke those strings

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hi there,

well i think you lyric is very orginal and care free…i think it lacks some of the basic song structure, rhyming patterns etc. of the craft of writing a song, which i think are important to get published..(people say you gotta know the rules to break them in writing…other wise they think your a hack) but if you don’t care for those kind of rules or restrictions..go for it in any way you feel..good luck