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| Age: | 30 |
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| Loc: | United States |
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Poetry / Somewhere...
Somewhere out there is a place for me,
a place where I can live all of my dreams.
To dance like the fairies at night
or soar like the birds in the sky.
A place with laughter and endless smiles
where I can feel just like a child.
No cares in the world but candy and cake or
which game to play hopscotch or tether-ball.
Where no one will judge me just by my clothes
or by the color of my skin.
Where everyone has the finer things and
we all choose to look within.
A place to find happiness, hope and prosperity
and to feel safe from the distant wind.
Where rainbows sprout like flowers in spring
and mountains protect us from the blazing sun.
Somewhere…..
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Loba reviewed Version 1 -
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just a minor suggestion”
ending line with conjunctions is bad form. the reader rushes the finish the phrase rather than adsorbing the rest of the line.
L7- “or” and L11-”and”
these lines would be stronger if they had a better finish.
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jojack reviewed Version 1 -
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this is so so good!!! your way good. i love this!!!! cool cool cool.
most favrite part is the part about no cares but candy and stuff. so true.
diyannie reviewed Version 1 -
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it think you should elaborate more on this utopia you present here. Perhaps intertwiing some serious social commentary in a poetic form with the childish dreaming that goes one here
dalost1 reviewed Version 1 -
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tia_logic reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, since you set out to make this childish, I think you succeeded. It portrays the wishes to be accepted by everyone like a true child. Good job.
Love, love.
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5 Reviews 2 Comments
Version 1
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