Short Story / The Veil
The Veil
Veils? Just what are they? In our world there are many who are familiar with veils. Many could be made with different kinds of cloth. A new bride will wear one to cover her face, so when the time comes her husband can reveal his new wife. Then there are the middle eastern women that are required to wear a veil over their face, I assume out of respect. I still haven’t quite understood why they have to wear them at all. Then in the western days, bank robbers wore a kind of a veil to hide there identity.
These kinds of veils are visible, and clearly used for a specific purpose. But many wear a veil that you cannot see by the naked eye. Even when you look at people, or talk with some their veils may not be noticeable. Yet it’s there even though many hide it really well. They don’t want anyone knowing that they have one, so they hide behind an invisible veil.
This kind of veil I am referring to has to do with our lives. The veil of happiness! This veil can effect everyone, no matter what age, sex or ethnicity. There are some who think coming to America will be the answer to making them happy. But the veil they have is carried with them where ever they go. I have lived in America,the so-called land of happiness. Yet I to have not been immune to having a veil. And many times I have worn it very well, too.
It’s one I wear to hide my pain, as so many others do. To pretend things are alright in our lives. No matter what has happened to cause this veil to appear, it’s there no matter what we do to try and remove it. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so, because many don’t need to know what’s behind our veils.
When we look at someone, do we wonder what’s behind their veil, or do we turn away. Thinking it’s not any concern of ours, to what is going on in their lives. I have let my veil down, bearing my soul only to have my life stomped on. Sometimes this makes us stronger, but for me I raised my veil higher. I have many friends who have helped me lower my veil. They did this by giving me hugs, words of encouragement, and shown me lots of love. Each day I lower my veil farther, releasing the causes of why I wear one.
But as many will no doubt agree with me, it takes time. Time to get over the pain of being hated, abused, or the reason to have a veil. Causing this veil of unhappiness to show no matter what we do. Then there are some who go through life being able to hide their veils. For me and many others we take to writing about the reasons for our veils, to help heal open wounds that we have. But for many they take to pulling their veils tightly around not just their faces, but their hearts. And when being asked, “ How are you?” The adorn their smiles, and reply “ Fine!” When, in fact, they could be hurting deep down inside.
I know someone who wears a veil, and tries to hide the pain he constantly feels. I was honored to get to know the real person, and I help him lower his veil by being a true friend. I wanted nothing from this person but his love, to be his friend through the good times and bad. I know it will take him a long time to lower his veil all the way. But his love helped me lower my invisible veil so much, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I hope that whomever reads this, finds someone to help lower the veil that they wear. And with time they can adorn a new veil- one of true happiness!
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So while I agree that many people will certainly relate to this – I was easily able to – I did not see this as a short story. In the beginning I expected it to evolve into a story about the veils people wear, but with characters and a plot line. And unfortunately it never happened. It’s too bad there is not a section on Urbis for simple prose, because this seems much more like an informational piece, or an inspirational piece. Maybe it could do better in the journal/blogging section? It is not badly written or anything, and I was able to enjoy it, but I found myself disappointed that it was not an actual story.
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This reads more like an essay than a short story. The narrative voice is distant until the last paragraph, when it becomes personal to the narrator’s own situation and no longer a dry listing of observations and speculations as to why people wear veils. It appears the veil is the new mask or emotional wall that have been written about in times past. America is not “the so-called land of happiness.” America is the land where one is supposed to be free to pursue happiness. Nowhere is it guaranteed that a person will actually find happiness in America.
I see some sentence fragments in this piece that are easily fixed. For example:
“Time to get over the pain of being hated, abused, or the reason to have a veil. Causing this veil of unhappiness to show no matter what we do.”—The second part is a fragment, however by removing the full stop and adding “that” and changing “Causing” to “causes” the sentence becomes complete.
Overall, I really enjoyed this and the theme of your story. Normally I tend to think of this concept as “masks” but the use of the word veil is very interesting. You list some unique examples I wouldn’t have thought of – such as a robber’s mask. Nice touch and got me thinking more on the subject as I tried to picture more unique veils.
I think with a little polishing, this could be really good. The word veil is overused far too much. Once the concept is established in the first few lines, I would try mixing it up a bit. Here are a few ideas:
1. Veils? Just what are they? In our world there are many who are familiar with veils—Instead of using veils at the end of the sentence I would use “them”
2. Then there are the middle eastern women that are required to wear a veil over their face, I assume out of respect—This is very interesting but after this sentence you state you do not know why. I think it would add more interest if you did a bit of research and explained briefly the history.
These are just a few examples. I’m not suggesting you eliminate the word “veil” everywhere – just mix it up a bit so it’s not tedious.
Few other suggestions:
1. or talk with some, their (add a comma)
2. America,the (add a space)
3. and shown (and have shown)
4. releasing the causes of why I wear one—the reasons of why I wear it?
Again, I did enjoy this and it’s a refreshing update for a common theme. A little rewriting and I think it will be great!
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