you’re right, bionic has to go! :) Thank you for reading and commenting!
Poetry / animal husbandry
cud-chewing days of pasture graze
bovine weight
a winter of nothing
lying about
learning to walk
after the cutting and sawing of limbs.
lumbering
remembering
forgetting
it was nothing, the planting
joint and socket
makes one bionic
never again to bend at will
to kneel before any god or master
character of steel
though now a cow
you survived the operating theatre.
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AmyWalker reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting I found it had alot of gruesome images to be honest well with my morbid mind then yeah it’ll look alot more gruesome in my head because I know what your talking about. But it’s all good I thought it was a different poem, very different but in a good way. Keep up the good work I like it.
It’s different to what people usually write about so yeah. Keep up the awesome work
Amy
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JamesWoe reviewed Version 1 -
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i read this aloud and really felt the rhythm and tone, somewhat somber, exhausted, reflective. The short stanza ending in bionic really throws me off, “makes one bionic” is this about war memory? not sure. I really enjoy the last stanza “character of steel”= resilience. nice
Joel reviewed Version 1 -
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S1 L2, seems in a way redundant.
S3 L3, seems out of place. I get the image and idea, but I would like a better word than ‘bionic’. I will grant though that there may not be a better word.
S4 L5, needs to be rewritten. Yes, you need a decent clue here, but not that obvious of one. You did so well with the rest, why quit at this point.
It’s a little rough around the edges, could use an edit or two. But all in all a very good piece.
Joel.
unbroken reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought it was a lovely piece. And yes.. the title suits this perfectly. I just hope i grasped the full meaning.
HMStocker reviewed Version 1 -
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First, let me say that I really like the rythm you have here. There’s nice movement to the piece that I enjoy as I read it, but I’m not quite sure what’s going on in this poem. So a cow is being operated on? Why? How? Where? The only hint I get is “joint and socket/makes on bionic”. Joint replacement for a cow? And the use of bionic reminds me of “Bionic Woman”—I know, I know it’s a culture thing and shows my age, but there it is.
What I really like in that the same stanza hints toward a paralleling of planting and the surgery itself. If you can make this work it would kick some serious bootie!
mollyp reviewed Version 1 -
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Took me back to my grandparent’s farm where they swung the heads off of chickens. My grandfather never missed the spittoon.
sahewitt reviewed Version 1 -
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A somewhat labored effort, though well constructed. I particularly enjoyed the central stanzas (i.e. L 7 – 12)
aliciatr reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting choice of words! And, I like the stanza of participles…it moves the reader nicely through the poem.
“learning to walk
after the cutting and sawing of limbs”....an eye/ear-catching phrase.
rsman26 reviewed Version 1 -
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It was odd, but overall a nice little piece, the thrid stanza kinda didn’t work and kinda took me out of the piece.
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