Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / untitled01

Do you intend to add more to this story or is this the complete work?

Your writing has to be some of the most vivid and descriptive I have read in quite some time.  

I especially love:  ”Train cars lay strewn across the barren ground like broken pottery.”  How stunning you portray the accident. I could go through each sentence and say the same about every one having the same quality.

If this is how the piece stands – this line does wrap up the ending very emotionally:  ”Head turned upward, I squint at the sky. It begins to rain. I shiver and close my eyes as the cold drops sting.”  The rain simulating the cold tears this person feels.

You are truly gifted.  Nothing to offer other than praise and the hope that you will write more.

I liked what I read, though its far too short. It is an immersive start for a story, the setting is gripping and the questions are open, leaving the reader needing an answer. I would go on.
The one fix would be the rain, perhaps a more poetic approach of thunder and dark clouds opeining would help the setting but its good even without the added descriptions.
Gavinswar

I’m not really sure what you were trying to do with this, unless you posted it in the wrong area. Is it supposed to be a poem, if so, where are the line breaks?

This seems like a Cliff Notes version of a Cliff Notes cheat-guide. It’s as though you’ve begun to uncover the fossil of a story, only you need to figure out a way to continue with it and develop it into something deeper.

Of course, I could totally be missing the mark here and you just wanted to see what kind of reaction you would get. Either way, thanks for sharing.

Ok, where is the rest?  Good start, but firstly, it is far too short.  Secondly, the first person, without the ability to se the narrator, or much more than the area around them is difficult to take.  Thirdly, the first line almost feels like a person/tense shift.

Where’s the rest? I liked the opening and that is how I see it as an opening.Makes me wonder who is he?where is he?where are the bodies?hope there will be more, sounds like a good start..Had me wanting to read more.

This is a good start, you do well in the beginning making the reader feel apart of what your seeing and feeling.  
“Head turned upward, I squint at the sky. It begins to rain.” – try this – I turn my head upward and squint at the sky. Tiny droplets begin to fall splashing over my face.

This looks like it will be a great book and you have a great start, you kept me wondering what had happened there and in so doing made me want to read more.  Good job.

Very stylistic. Cannot determine this is good or bad with so little material; but overall I am a fan of non-standard writing. Present tense is a difficult decision. Fragments are good for setting the scene/feeling, but if used throughout a long work with such vigor will strain the narration flow.

I like what it is so far, the scene and feeling it presents, but would want to read more.