Haiku/Senryu / Fragile
Scurry people run
Do not let the spring rain touch
Your rice paper skin
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This 59 word review has not been unlocked.
I think there could be a comma: Scurry people, run
I love the visual this piece brings.
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5/7/5
good image, great haiku.
seasonal, funny, revealing.
There isn’t much I would change.
The first line is redundant with scurry and run
maybe rearrage, add an adjective to people
“frightened people run” “fragile people run” or a 1 syllable adj and keep scurry as the verb?
otherwise flawless.
I REALLY like this. One of the benefits of travel is being able to notice differences in reactions to nature: here in the “civilized” world we tend to avoid the elements--as in your poem; elsewhere, something like a spring rain--as opposed to a blizzard or typhoon—is something to be taken in stride and enjoyed.
Do you have more haiku like this? I hope so.
This certainly has imagery-nice haiku-
You might want to put a comma after people so that it is “Scurry people, run” I usually don’t like “nature” haikus, but I am actually quite pleased with this one. Good job.
This 116 word review has not been unlocked.
The first thing I read when I read this was how these “scurry people” are running. Scurry sounds as if it’s an adjective in this case.
I do like the idea of the rice paper skin, and how the rain would be very damaging to their delicate features and for this reason they are fleeing from the rain, despite it being a cool, possibly refreshing “spring” rain.
-me
Wow! Very nice. This one made me smile.
Also, imagery, I see it very well.
I think you need a comma after people: “Scurry people, run” or else scurry becomes an adjective instead of the verb that I believe you meant it to be. Other than that, I really liked this haiku. I feel it has message that should make people open their eyes and realize what really matters in life.
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