Poetry / Metallic Helium Balloons

this is awesome! just the mere just of illiteration made me freak out with excitement! you did an excellent job. I loved every line and every stansa! a perfect 10!

You rock!

Oy.  That’s a hell of a poem.  I love the use of alliteration.  I find it truly original and endearing, although some may be bothered by it because they’re sticklers.  Then again, I have a withering respect for common man. ;D

• add/view comments (1)

October 29, 2007

by Foster

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
128	93.2% (44 votes)	32.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
28	M	Wallkill, NY	August 25

Sticklers for what? I’m going to take this as a compliment… is that ok?

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

...ya know, I agree with Filbert. The third stanza actually takes away from the rhythm. I read it with and without it and I liked it without. I’m not sure why…but it just works. Hmmmmmm

I get it, but I wasn’t attracted to finish this one.  It was a word study for you so has real value.  I wouldn’t call a friend and tell them they should read it.  

It does show you have talent to be posting here.  Keep it up.  

hi there,

YAY! that’s poetry – kudos to you.
very well written and expressed. have mega-enjoyed this, for am notably a fan of aliteration. carefully chosen words, lines and rhythm.
no frills, no redundant words… just poetry.
besides, its title reads equally brilliant. You should have no trouble publishing it, if it’s not already done!

best wishes with your writing,

nat

This is a very cool poem.  I’ve never read one describing an item.  You really bring the balloons to life and their demise very vividly.  Your alliteration adds to the beauty of the poem and your word choice is heavenly.

Nice job!  Nothing to offer but praise.

1st line got me hooked.
2nd stanza—Wow, this has so much in it.
Last S—Execellent. This touches me deeply as I know it will others.
3rd S—1st line doesn’t seem quite right, me? Hummmm-might just be me.

This is an interesting idea the poem’s about, and the usage of the words and imagery was captivating enough to keep the readers glued.
A strange concept and insight into balloons  = ]

There’s no really beginning or the end here, somehow it seems incomplete.
I adore this style as I sometimes use it myself, so I know what mistakes wait around the corner:
forced words – sometimes the point is lost/distorted just to have all words start with same letter.
rythm suffers – for example if you used another word (shorter) instead “hastened” it would flow nicer.
also I personally like to use simpler words in this style to avoid sounding over-pretentious, but that’s my style.
“Dreams drifting dawn to dusk” is an example how marvelous and full of meaning a verse can be, my favorite here.

I like it very much. Work on the wording. I enjoyed your poem and especially liked the alliteration used. It flowed very smoothly. I like the descriptive words you used; for example, languidly,and succumbed. Trying revising your poem to improve what you neead to work on. I was told by a published writer that writing requires patience and lots of revision. Even if you think that your poem is good, always revise, reedit, and analyze until you think it’s the best.

• add/view comments (1)

June 22, 2007

by Foster

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
128	93.2% (44 votes)	32.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
28	M	Wallkill, NY	August 25

Revision come through specific constructive criticism. How could I make this better?

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.