Haiku/Senryu / barista

creative indeed! Thats pretty funny. Ide try to change the first line around, maybe my feet stink so bad, ha i dont know, good job.  

Sounds like a rough day at the office. Gives me a good sense of how your day went.

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July 29, 2008

by Loba

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279	69.7% (89 votes)	44.4%

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27	F	Williston Park, NY	May 24

thanks for the read.

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Might I recommend new odour-trapping socks? They seal in the stench of sweat, mud and general pong. I admire your honesty. What is it about workplaces that makes one an unattractive, stinky and unpleasant creature? This haiku highlights the necessity of showering to combat the social stigma attached to letting this stink get the better of a person.

“reak” = reek

H

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July 24, 2008

by Loba

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
279	69.7% (89 votes)	44.4%

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27	F	Williston Park, NY	May 24

Thanks for the read and the spelling correction.
I think it was working at a Starbucks for 30+ hours a week and being covered in coffee, confections, and good old fashioned dirt that impired this one.

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This haiku doesn’t flow very well. The ideas chop and change with each line and it makes it sound like your feet smell of B.O. and coffee…if that’s what you meant, why do your feet reek like coffee?

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July 29, 2008

by Loba

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
279	69.7% (89 votes)	44.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	F	Williston Park, NY	May 24

i can see how the structure can be confusing.
but the title of the poem is barista. if that’s not an explanation then you need to look up words you’re unfamiliar with rather than expecting to be spoon fed information by other authors.

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Oh, I laughed when I read this. Thank you, laughter is good medicine.

It doesn’t get much more human than this.

                                                                does it

Wow!

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July 24, 2008

by Loba

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
279	69.7% (89 votes)	44.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	F	Williston Park, NY	May 24

Thanks for the read and the comment.
Sometimes the best feedback is knowing that someone else just plain enjoyed your poem.

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