Limericks / Texas

Texas is a very large state.  I’ve lived all over it though, and you seem to know what you’re talking about.
Line 1 is accurate mostly for the panhandle/Lubbock/Red River area.
Line 2 is more accurate for the gulf coast, and not so much for the above-described area.  Line 3 doesn’t make much sense.  ”consumes of” doesn’t work grammatically.  Line four is subjective, but I think I know what you mean.  :)
The last line doesn’t work for me.  It’s too declarative and obvious.  You already state that you’re referring to Texas in the title.  Also, pain/name doesn’t quite work as a rhyme (compared to the previous lines.
The main flaw though, is that this is not a limerick.  You should work on it a bit and post it under poetry instead.  Keep writing!

The punchline here is “Everything is messed up big in Texas”. This is a unique syllable setup for your limerick. Usually limericks are 9-9-6-6-9. Yours is 4-4-8-8-7. Also the rhyming is supposed to be a-a-b-b-a. Yours is a-a-a-b-b. I think that this is a fine poem, but it’s not quite a limerick. Also, Instead of “The time consumes of blood and sweat” you may want to try “The time consists of blood and sweat”. Just a suggestion.

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March 07, 2008

by xPoeticDistract

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Perfect suggestion and dearly noted.
Thanks. :]

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