Poetry / Eyes

of leaves crackling under padded feet. I’d cut this down to “of leaves under padded feet” without the crackling because using this word takes away from the crack crack crack.  Also the title does not seem to tie in with the poem.  

I don’t think there should be a line break between follow and the creature; it disrupted the rhythm while I was reading it.

You had me all excited to read a poem about wolves, but they have only the smallest appearance. I think your ending was too weak. You should have said more about the eyes, how they made you feel, where you thought they were taking you, and more. I would have liked to see more about the wolves as well. After all that build up of the beginning, which I enjoyed, I was disappointed about the end. I think you had a great start, but you need to work on the ending, make it deeper, maybe, but definitely more powerful. Good luck!

You’ll have to forgive me for bringing age into this, but I think it is fitting: for a 13 year old, this shows real potential.

The subject matter is innovative and you have a feel for flow that is hard to learn (I’m a believer in “you have it or you don’t”, in most cases).

A few suggestions:

1) The “turn around” line doesn’t feel right. I know what you’re going for and it does make sense in the story—it just doesn’t seem to fit the rest of the piece. You might experiment with a few alternatives.

2) try changing “watching my every move” to simply “watching me”. This removes a lot of the cliché and shouldn’t hurt the flow.

I hope this helps.

You should definitely keep working on this piece and others.

The beginning seems so peaceful but at the end, you suddenly whip out your camera =P It makes me feel as if you are demeaning the wolves and bringing in the human element of life into the poem that seemingly should purely be about the wolves.
Also, maybe putting it into stanzas could seperate the different ideas you’re trying to portray.

1st sentence has me—good job…..............
2nd sentence—So, did you feel them?
“Curious, I follow”—delete the rest of that sentence-read it; what do you think?
No more crunches.
What do you feel about that. Does that piss you off? Actually, that is a typical reaction because of flesh and blood pumping. We are not stones.