Thanks for your point of view. And another big thanks for catching the to/too typo. sometimes I just forget.
Short Story / Shades of a Woman
Shades of a Woman
It all starts with one shade of pink. The pink pajamas that you were first put into when you were born. You were so fragile as you cried for breath’s sake. So small when they placed you into your mother’s arms. She felt your comforting warmth. A warmth not red but pink. Like the warmth of room temperature; not to hot, not to cold, just the way we love it…healthy and allergy free. This brings the shade of robin’s egg blue: the kind of blue you feel when you are sick but still want to be with your new friends; when curiosity ruled over your Eden eyes; the curiosity that got you sick when you were playing in the rain. You cried and cried to go out when your head burned red with fever. But you couldn’t because you were sick and your mother’s word was law.
That is until you got to middle school where your shade started turning hot pink. The shade that is all about becoming what you thought was beautiful; a shade of short skirts, make-up, and rebellion. The rebellion against your mother’s word which made you feel alive and in control, even as you lived under your mother’s (constitutional) commandments of curfew. Even as you were punished like cutting off the head of your allowance, taking away all privileges and keeping you quarantined like the curious one you once were. All that changed, though, when high school brought the shade of green: money and responsibility. The shade that made you fashionable by giving you the responsibility of learning the trades. You always wanted money. It was a way to leave your mother’s laws. But you were still too young to leave. Too young to survive on your own shade of green. You had to be taught the skills and that is what you did.
You went into a world of endless choices and shades. Your choices as the dormitory of your university which brought a shade a yellow; the ideas and foreshadowing of your future self. Your need to prepare for career was unchallenged. You were no longer hot pink but a golden shade. The gold of a person who does not need to cover up to be truly beautiful. The nature of your life had been good enough to keep you natural and out of your college life you had never been this independent. That is until the shade of red showed clear. Until you found the love of your life. The red of love pumping from your heart to the rest of your body giving you a sensual satisfaction more beautiful than you had ever found with any other.
In your fashion, you showed the success of a good relationship, where your shades of red and yellow blended into orange. This orange was your foreshadowing of the love that you would experienced. You knew it would last and it did. After receiving your degree and finding an apartment, something happened. Like an extra beat of the heart. Like a life growing inside of you that wasn’t your own. You were in-love with the notion of being a mother but didn’t want to be one without one shade.
In time, the shade of white, of matrimony, came dancing in and love was all you felt, love for your new family and your existing. After the white there was, of course, more red; honeymoons are like that. When you came back home and as time passed, you came to the moment, the shade of what your mother felt when you were born. You were in the presence of the familiar pink and warmth of your healthy baby. It was a girl. You now had the pleasure of teaching, of giving, of loving this little girl; and as time drove by the familiar curiosity was planted into this child.
From then on the shade of green was a priority, the priority to put food on the table and clothes on your daughter’s back. That was all you did; you worked, you loved, you cared, and you foreshadowed. You wanted the best and that is all you achieved. You got your daughter through college. Then the shade of white returned when your daughter became a wife herself. You were so proud and so in-love with your life.
It all was red with love until your mother died. Your life became a shade of black, the shade of depression and sadness. Your mother was gone and your love comforted you through the loss until you found red again. He reminded you of what you still had and of the love that you still must feel. You went on. You kept working against the odds until the odds worked against you. You had now reached the shade of gray, the shade of slowing down and reflecting on your life. You retired along with your love and you lived together until he died.
You felt the shade of black for a time, but you knew you wouldn’t be lonely for long. You would see him again, and that is what you did. You died in your fashion, in your bed, with your daughter’s hand in yours. You lived for the shaded red, and celebrated with the shade of white. You cried for the black and rebelled your hot pink. The shades ruled over your emotion, and now there are no more shades, no more colors. Now there is just a clear vision of the soul.
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Mosaic_Creme reviewed Version 1 -
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This was amazingly beautiful. I absolutely loved it. It’s not often that I find myself without much to say, but this is one of those times.
Well, in need to stay on track (otherwise I will start to ramble on about life), I didn’t see much wrong with the grammar or layout of the story. You did a great job of using words and punctuation properly from what I saw. If you didn’t, then you are an even better writer for it, because that would mean that the story itself detracts from any errors.
I would love to see a mirror of this for a man, I think that would be quite nice :)
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Orkneygirl reviewed Version 1 -
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”...not to hot, not to cold,...” Typo/word choice: too, in both instances, not “to”
The verb tenses waffle in this piece. Part of it is written in past tense and part of it in present tense. It’s distracting for readers, so I’d suggest picking one or the other and sticking to it. Also, the second-person informal “you” doesn’t work for me as a reader. The narrator is describing the life cycle of a particular woman, but that woman isn’t me, it’s not a reflection of my experience, remotely, so the “you” address doesn’t fit and feels awkward. Maybe other readers won’t object to it, though. I noticed a long time ago that I have not been a participant of mainstream American cultural experiences.
awkwardvibes reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this story. It was interesting. I thought it failed on a few things, however. Mainly, the voice isn’t consistant. Some of the wording seem out of context. It was a very flowery telling, but then awkward phrases like “healthy and allergy free” seemed out of context. And I always thought green was the color of knowlege, so I couldn’t believe in the Yellow being the college color. Seems too passive a color for such a powerful life stage. Overall, I liked it however and with some more thought could be really interesting.
pianogirl6 reviewed Version 1 -
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“Shades of a Woman” was interesting and creative. To see life in shades is a fine gift. Many people see only black and white, or worse, only various shades of gray. Best wishes in your writing projects.
Ladyauthor2b reviewed Version 1 -
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The overall story has a feel good quality to it. The colors sort of go in a cycle, like our lives. You say it very well in the end: ” (you) lived for the shaded red, and celebrated with the shade of white. You cried for the black and rebelled your hot pink. The shades ruled over your emotion, and now there are no more shades, no more colors. Now there is just a clear vision of the soul.”
The structure of the sentences could be combined somehow or made more concise, but still the sentiment in this is what made me say “ahhhh” at the end. Just play with it awhile and see if you can make the words say the same things, only in more orderly, concise fashion- in a sequential manner, from baby to young girl, to young adult to old, and so on… Nice job.
lupi reviewed Version 1 -
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This piece made me feel a warm fuzzy blue. While I truly enjoyed it, (in places it made me want to cry) I found that in too many places it became more about describing the things the colors represented – which I thought was the job of the colors themselves. The colors themselves lacked the necessary descriptions though. For example, what shades of each color represented the periods of her life. Was the gold the bright, almost brassy, exciting gold of a wedding band or was it the soft, almost antique gold in a romantic autumn sunset? I found myself wanting to know more about the colors. Hope this is helpful. Happy writing!
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