Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Chemically Imbalanced and the Dog That Left Me -- The country song never written
My ADHD has me distracted from my constant depression due to the Bipolar, but the OCD forces me to deal with the fact that I am forgetting that I am depressed when I trying to be happy. Lastly, the Schizophrenia has 7 of the 12 people inside of me arguing with the OCD to sod off and let me be content with life, get a nut, and then watch Sports Center in peace. Me chemically imbalanced? Never.
*
Conversation with My Brain—
Me: Brain?
Brain: This is the Cognitive and Analytical Center of Knowledge but you can call me C.A.C.K. for short. How may I be of service to you today?
Me: Well C.A.C.K, I’ve been up for four days now, and I would like for you to shut down for at least five hours so that I can rest.
C.A.C.K: What a wonderful joke! I’ll have to store that one under “Useless Information.” Granted, next time you get smashed on Jaeger bombs, that information will be shifted to another file, then consequently deleted with among other things as all the wonderful memories you had as a Boy scout. Need a refresher? Let me see… ah yes, here’s a golden oldie! “Umm Scout Master, I’m not sure if there is a badge for that. I know you said you had a crack in your ass but explain to me again how rubbing it with a pine cone is considered first aid treatment?”
Me: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
C.A.C.K: Yeah, we will save that one for such a time when your ego needs to be put in check. There’s no better method to teach humility than OCD combined with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder followed up with a healthy dose of repression.
Me: As enlightening as this conversation is, I really do need some rest. The sleep deprivation has me hallucinating. Just yesterday I saw Jesus hanging out with Jim Morrison and his Indian guide. Granted, as engaging as that religious hypocrisy is, I’d much rather expound on that at another time.
C.A.C.K: Fair enough. But before we bid one another adieu, how about this one: A priest, a midget, and Michael Jackson, go to the local Boy’s Club…
Me: Lord give me strength!
C.A.C.K. Never mind. We will save that one for another time as well. So much to ponder, so little time to do it all in. How about we go another four days without sleep just to make sure we keep our schedule?
The morale of this story folks is that country music will rot your brain. Beyond that… Umm Waitress! Yes. I would like an order of momentary oneness with the universe. Oh, that comes with two sides? Okay… Hrm. How about we go with clarity of thought and the ability to bond with someone that doesn’t exist inside my head? That’s on special today? Great! Yeah, I’ll have that. Thanks. And can you bring me a side of Lithium while you are at it? Great. Thanks
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That piece was so funny and fun to read. So many people live with dysfunctional debilitating disorders, it was great to see it with humor that one must have in order to live with. I can relate to the conversation between the “me” and the “brain” and I know that many others can as well, even if they don’t or won’t admit to it. It makes you want to stand up proudly and say,”Yes WORLD! I’m CRAZY and proud of it!” Wonderfully funny! Good job. MS B
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Third sentence, fourth word is supposed to be ‘am’ I believe. Other than that, I spotted no grammatical errors.
I found you to be very funny and extremely cynical – at your own expense, of course. It is better to be vicious with your ownself than others, in my opinion. If you feel you must tear down others character in order to build yourself up, then there is something intrinsic missing in your feelings of self worth.
If you turn the naked eye upon yourself and find reproach in what you see, then that is honesty and perhaps a type of perfectionism that is a little too harsh. You might need to learn a little kindness towards yourself.
In this Journal/Diary/Blog, you took a common situation (not being able to go to sleep) and turned it into dialogue between almost adversaries playing tug-of-war…which is sometimes how all of us end up feeling before we give up in disgust of ever getting to sleep.
The author may have had more license to act strange due to mentioning several disorders at the beginning of the Journal/Diary/Blog which allowed him to poke more fun at him-herself, but what made this piece so compelling and humorous is the humanness (is that a word?) and how I could relate to it.
I gave you two 10’s and two 9’s as credit ratings.
What a wonderful and original piece. I will have to stop getting you in my queue. Not because I don’t like your writing, but because I do. I can not critique work that I think is perfect. This is funny and truth based. I hope you are published or become published. You are one of the most consistently good writers on urbis.
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