Haiku/Senryu / Tests

Metaphysical
haiku is more senryu
but I like your style

As a coach (slash) haiku/ guru, I have to ask about your piece as a whole statement. Are the tests we take now Not the great tests of life? Or when you said we, did you mean yourself and other members of a graduating class of students? In taoist philosophy, every test we take means everything. It seems like we all should be cramming for finals, but can’t tear our attention away from some popular reality TV show.

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August 14, 2007

by udontno

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True. I wrote this for school, so it was for our class.

November 22, 2007

by haikudo

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Then you deserve the 10 I gave you. Keep writing!

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Interesting, but what is the test we are taking now if it’s not the test of life. I think this would make a good quote with some rewording.

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August 13, 2007

by udontno

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Hmm this would makea good quote. I will have to think about that.

October 03, 2007

by onlywish

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OK

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You are kidding right?  Just because you fit the syllable format doesn’t mean you made a Haiku.  This is not poetic. It has no imagery. It has no nature. It uses syllable fillers like “the”,”we”,”to”,”of”. You use vague words like tests, great, and life.  This is pure fluff.

Not a good try.

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August 12, 2007

by udontno

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thanks.

August 12, 2007

by squarehopper

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sorry for my bluntness… But you CAN do better.  Why not try.  Look at the idea just think about it… what images come to mind?  Then write about those… and the idea will come through.

Let’s say I was given the challenge to write a haiku on this concept.  I would think about it.

And I would try to visualize things in nature that show this to be true.

Feathered cooing: scared
Pecked from nest – spiral flight
Learning to survive.

That would be my first try at it…

Rough… but you get the picture.

Good luck!

August 12, 2007

by squarehopper

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sorry for my bluntness… But you CAN do better.  Why not try.  Look at the idea just think about it… what images come to mind?  Then write about those… and the idea will come through.

Let’s say I was given the challenge to write a haiku on this concept.  I would think about it.

And I would try to visualize things in nature that show this to be true.

Feathered cooing: scared
Pecked from nest – spiral flight
Learning to survive.

That would be my first try at it…

Rough… but you get the picture.

Good luck!

August 12, 2007

by udontno

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The bluntness doesn’t bother me. I just didn’t know what to tell you other than thanks.

I get the picture. I don’t think I am going to change anything on this one though. It was something I had to write for school. We had to do a school themed haiku. I don’t like to write haikus (I can’t count a syllable to save my soul). It was just a whim thing that I put it up here to see what others thought because my teacher liked it…

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This is an interesting idea you are touching on, and if you delve deeper into this topic (Is the now more important than our future? Is the future dependent on the now, or is the future already pre-destined?), you can write a very interesting piece.
I used the words “touching on”, because you try to say so much in three short lines. I really don’t think a Haiku is the form for this kind of message that you are saying. Consider expanding and elaborating on this!

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August 12, 2007

by udontno

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Thanks. I might have to do so.

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Yes i like this one! very nice. very true. Life is full of tests that i wish i could have studied for lol! great job!

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August 11, 2007

by udontno

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Thanks. Very true.

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It’s true, and a good thing to understand.  What you’ve got here poetically speaking though is form without substance.  You’ve got the haiku form down, but there is no spark in your content.  It is a truism, not a poetic vision of nature or humanity.  That’s ok though.  A swing and a miss is way better than watching the ball sail by.  Next pitch is coming…

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August 08, 2007

by udontno

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thanks

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To be so young – your words are very thoughful and forward looking.  It shows a lot of maturity.  Good job.  You do need one more syllable in the 2nd line to keep to the 5-7-5 form…and a haiku generally has a reference to nature or seasons…  But I’d still give you an A.  Keep writing – sounds like you have a lot of things inside to say :-)

I cant critisize this massively as there is not all that much WRONG with it, but I do feel that it is a little bit glib.

Whilse only 14 words I do feel that you could offer more depth.

I think that the main problem is that I just dont believe you!!

mozart  

I know wut u mean.. but arent haiku’s about nature and stuff… and i dont think this is a poem since u have ‘best poetry on urbis’ goal.. but i get wut u mean.. im a sophomore and i am a religious kinda person and i understand fully…altho more than the haiku says..good luck =)