Poetry / The Sound of Feet

This was an interesting poem. I wasn’t sure where it was leading, (all the feet and then the 2nd line giving us a clue) I thought it became dramatic when it was revealed that someone was hit with a broom, and then a gun was pulled out , and someone went to prison. These lines left me vague:

The sound of many feet, all gathering to display,
the many people who suffer, each and every day. – Was this a support group of some sort?  I wasn’t certain.

Then the last lines:
“The moral of his story, for all who care to hear.
There’s help to those who need it; so you don’t have to live in fear.”

I think it’s about getting help for someone who’s been in an abusive situation. So I guess overall it makes sense that way. Am I anywhere close?

This is actually quite good. It ended very differntly than what I expected from the first line. I know the point here is repetition and it does serve its purpose to some degree, but it can become somewhat tedious. (But I don’t think you have any intention changing that).

Overall I like the story it tells, and it might just save someone in a similar situation.

Wow what an emotional piece. I definitely agree with the author that there is no need to hide in fear. There is hope and safety for those who seek it. It seems that often people hide what is going on to increase their safety when often the very thing they are trying to prevent from getting worse may end up killing them or their soul. As far as the quality of the writing here, I didn’t notice anything that really needs work. Very nice job.

Very vivid, I love the fact that you didn’t feel the need to spell it all out for us and allowed us to come up with our own interpretation… at least until the end. I personally would scrap the final stanza because you need to trust the reader to figure it out for themselves. That’s the poets job, you shouldn’t need to tell us… the whole idea of show not tell.

Which is exactly what you did incredibly during the rest of the poem. Vivid imagery such as the glass, the broom, the doorknob, and especially the packed room and gunshot. The interpretation is left to us (at least until the end) which I appreciate. Your use of sound made the poem more vivid… most poets stick to visual senses and go no further. I would have liked a little more about the sound though, especially since it’s in the title… who is hearing the sound? What does the sound remind the poet of? What does the sound actually sound like?  What other sounds are around?

All in all, a very challenging poem which I appreciate. You give lots of images with room for the reader to create their own and to attach their own meaning. Thanks for sharing, and I hope this helped.

-Joe

Well, i usualy go on and on about better flow but i cant do that here, the peice moves really well. Cant see any problems, and i really liked it. :)