Sci Fi & Fantasy / Chapter 5
He stares back at Shila, trying to comprehend what she had just said to him. After a minute he lets out a small unsure laugh.
“You really expect me to believe that?” he asks becoming aggravated. “ If it is really true and I am a descendant, then why have I never heard of this before. It would mean my father would have known and would have told me. He was a soldier years ago and it would have happened to him while he was fighting. I’ve never heard anything of the sort. He would have said something if it was that dangerous. I don’t believe you.” Connor crosses his arms and stares into the fire, not wanting to hear anymore of what the old woman had to say.
Shila’s countenance turned to a frown. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you all this. I’m sure Kade would have told you had he known.”
With a puzzled expression Connor turns to her, his voice losing its edge. “I still don’t understand. If my father was who you say he was, the magic should have awakened while he was in battle. Like I said before, I never heard anything like that happening to him, from anyone.”
Shila slowly sipped her drink while listening. “Your father WAS a descendant and the magic DID awaken in him. The father I speak of is not Kade.”
The shock of what he had just heard, froze Connor. At hearing this he just stared, unmoving, hardly breathing. Trying to shut out what kept repeating in his mind, what he had just heard that seemed like almost hours before even though it was just mere moments. Taking in a sharp breathe, he asks in a low whispered voice, “What do you mean?”
Shila looks over at him with sad eyes. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. Kade wasn’t the man who fathered you.”
Hearing this again, Connor felt like an ice cold wave of water slapped against his body. He had never doubted anything Shila ever told him but if what she said was true, then that would mean his father had lied to him his whole life. It wasn’t an easy thing to imagine or believe.
Deciding he is going to try to find a hole in what she said and prove her wrong, Connor glares across the table to the small old woman sitting there slowly sipping her tea. The edge came back into his voice.
“And you know this for a fact? Did anyone ever tell you something of the sort or are you just guessing? I don’t believe you. Prove it.”
With that Connor crosses his arms and turns his back to the table, leaning against it. After a few minutes of silence, a smirk crosses his lips. Guess she was wrong, he thinks. After all if she was speaking the truth then she would have said something by now. She would have said something to prove it. Just then Shila quietly clears her throat. His muscles tense at the soft noise.
Quietly she begins. “Do not be mad at Kade for speaking nothing of it. He was just trying to protect you. And no. No one ever said anything about you not being your parents son. Most people are only able to see the physical appearance of another, and no one would doubt you being Kade and Laila’s son.”
It was true. It did look like his parents had conceived him. Besides being just slightly taller then his father, he had the same build. Strong broad shoulders that lead to a strengthening back which made the rest follow suit. He also had dark brown almost black wavy hair and light brown eyes which he assumed were from his mother. He looked so similar to them that the thought had never crossed his mind, nor anyones’ from the village as no one had said anything about the notion.
Not wanting to look over, Connor keeps his eyes straight ahead. “Then how do you know?”
“Because I can see what most people cannot.”
“And what is that?”
“A person’s aura.”
He finally looks over at Shila again. “What’s an aura?”
Finishing her tea Shila puts the empty cup on the table. “It’s a little hard to explain. It isn’t something one can see, but more something they sense. It is a kind of feeling I get from the air that surrounds a person. Like an inner strength or power that is there, unknown and mostly unused. Your aura is completely different then both your parents. I knew it from the first moment I saw you.”
“That still doesn’t mean that I’m related to Gabriel. My parents might have adopted me but that doesn’t make me a descendent.”
Shila holds up her hand. “Patience young one, I was coming to that. I’ve sensed many different aura’s before, but never one as…. unique as yours. It has almost a mystical feel to it. Besides that, I know about your dreams. How intense and real they seem and how you can never remember them on waking. I always knew there was something special about you but I was never sure what it was. That is until you showed up on my doorstep and my questions were answered.”
Connor frowns. “What do you mean.”
“When you told me about the two dead men, I went to have a look and found the graves.”
Connor looks at her a little disgusted. “You dug them up?”
Shila waves her hand to dismiss the idea. “Of course not. But I can sense how they died. When two people fight and one kills the other, their aura’s clash as well and a bit of the victors aura is left behind. Depending on the intensity of the crime, sometimes there is very little and other times there is much. Since it is part magic and not just a persons normal aura, there is a different feel to it. I’ve felt that aura on dead men before and knew what it was. It’s the same one you give off.”
Suddenly realizing what she was saying, Connor’s eyes grow wide. “You mean I killed them?”
Shila nods.
He shakes his head in disbelief. “I still don’t know if I believe you.”
“Believe me or not, it’s the truth.”
Rising slowly to his feet, Connor studies the old woman. “I think I’ll go find my father. If he tells me so then I know its really the truth.”
Rising slowly to stand next to him, Shila walks over and puts a hand on his arm. “You cannot go home.”
Feeling her squeeze his arm gently, Connor looks to her hand then back noticing a mournful look has come across her face. “Why not? What aren’t you telling me?”
Shila squeezes his arm a bit tighter. “You must stay here for now and come with me in the morning.”
“Go where with you?” Pulling his arm away from her grip, Connor backs away a step. “What’s going on? I want to leave.”
“You can’t!” She yells. Connor backs a few more steps at the sudden power in her voice. Then it softens once again. “There is nothing left for you here. You must come with me.”
Seeing the look of disbelief on Connor’s face, she knows she has to tell him what she saw. The terrible scenes she witnessed that day. Letting out a slow sigh, she begins.
“They’re gone. Everyone is gone. The village…......”
Standing near the door, Connor tries to grasp the meaning of what Shila is saying. “What do you mean they’re gone. Where did they go?”
She looks him in the eye and takes a few steps forward, a tear falling down her cheek. “Dead. The whole village is dead. Everyone is gone.”
He was prepared for something, but not this. The words hit like fists. He wavers a moment then falls to his knees, tears streaming down his bowed head and fall, splashing on the floor.
Shila walks over and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Please. You have to come with me tomorrow so we can be away from here and get you help.”
Looking up through blurry eyes, the horror of understanding hits him even harder. Struggling, he can barely get the words out past the lump in his throat. “You mean….....me? I did it?”
Shila closes her eyes, more tears falling from them.
“NO!” Connor screams. Shoving her hand away he jumps to his feet and runs to the door. Flinging it wide he runs as fast as he can back to the village.
The day has darkened as evening emerges making it difficult to see the path that leads back to the village but Connor runs on regardless, without any hesitation. Following the curve of trees he reaches the rocky path and continues running headlong through the mist. Overgrowth from trees snap or are pushed out of the way as he plows through everything reaching out on the path. The ones he doesn’t see in the waning light and lessening fog scratch his arms and face. A flash of white snares his attention for an instant, causing him to miss a low hanging branch. It catches him across the head, knocking him from his feet. Putting a hand to the throbbing spot, he stumbles to his feet and with less steady feet, pushes on.
Finally bursting out into a clearing, Connor stops a moment to catch his breath then in the direction of the village. Coming up to it from a side road, he smells the smoke, probably from the fire before he hopes. Slowing to a walk from his jog as he rounds a house on the outside corner, he takes a breath then steps into the main road.
The strong smell of smoke hits him and burns his eyes. Rubbing them to ease the burning, he starts into the village, wanting to prove Shila wrong, hoping she is wrong. Hastening his steps, he rubs his eyes again but catches a foot on something in the middle of the road and falls, barely catching himself with a hand. Becoming angry at himself for his unusual klutziness of late, he looks back to strike out at whatever tripped him but freezes.
The dark shape in the road is bigger then a tool or plaything someone might have left. It looks to be a stretched out mass on the ground. Sitting up Connor continues to look at it trying to figure out what it could be. Then it hits him.
Dread washes over him. He shuffles back away from the body but stops as his back hits something behind him. Slowly moving his eyes to see what it is, he lets out a stifled cry as he sees another mass like the first. He pushes himself up and away from the bodies on the ground but as his eyes adjust to the darkness he sees many more around him. Looking around then moving his eyes up the road, he sees the ground is littered with them.
Stumbling forward along the road between the corpses, Connor makes his way to the town center. He passes burnt out houses, some falling apart with ash, and soot for what used to be furniture, some still radiating heat from the fire still burning inside. Coming up to the inn, Connor walks past the stable on the side but stops in his tracks when he hears a noise inside. He carefully steps in through the doors and notices that amazingly the stable hadn’t been set afire. There was even a torch on a post in the middle for light. Hearing the noise again he creeps around the wall that separates the stalls and sees a horse laying on its side. Not wanting the poor animal to suffer Connor looks around for something to use to put it out of its misery when he hears the noise again. A human sounding noise, not animal like. Stepping softly into the stall he sees legs sticking out from under the horses middle.
Moving closer to see who it is and maybe get an answer for the destruction, Connor peers over the body of the still horse and sees a bloody head, struggling to breathe. Moving closer to the body he glances over the horse seeing if he can recognize it to give him a clue as to who the owner is. As his eyes pass over the head, Connor sees a small spot of white on the neck. Gasping he snaps his eyes to the man under the horse, recognition slowly creeping over him.
“Father?” he asks with quiet fear. The coughing head tries blinking away blood and sweat from his eyes but more flows down into them. Trying to raise a battered arm that rested on the horse, the man lets out a small moan and it slumps back down.
“Father!” Connor cries out as he jumps over Lane to kneel next to his father. “What happened?” he asks quietly as he tries to clean off some blood with a sleeve. Kade coughs more and opens his eyes to look up at his son.
“Just wait, I’ll move Lane,” Connor says as he maneuvers himself around to try to push the horse off his father.
“No,” Kade moans before Connor has a chance to do anything. “To…........late,” he struggles out between gasps and coughs. Connor looks mournfully at the horse and runs a hand over the head as he kneels by his father again. Knowing it is to late to save his father, Connor asks one of the two most important questions he would ever ask him.
“Are you my real father?”
Looking up into Connor’s eyes Kade painfully opens his hand. Connor puts his hand in it and softly squeezes.
“I raised you. You’re my….......son,” Kade says weakly between struggling breaths. Connor never got to ask the second question. Taking another breath in, Kade lets it out but coughs no more. Connor looks into his fathers eyes and sees the dull cloud of death there.
Clutching Kade’s head to him, Connor lets out a loud cry then drops his head and weeps. He sits there for a time, not knowing how long, not caring. Just holding the only father he ever knew close, afraid to let go, afraid to accept it. Simply weeping for the man who raised him, who taught him everything he knew. His mind wandered away from that horrible place.
He had always wondered why his father never wanted him to use a sword, even a wooden one. Now he understood why. Kade didn’t want anything to happen while he was practicing that might cause the Chraeon to accidentally awaken. He must have known at least a little of the story of Gabriel and known that Connor was, or had thought he was, related to him. Now he knew Kade’s reasoning behind it.
When most boys started using practice weapons, Kade had strictly told him to stay away from swords. Not wanting his son to feel left out again, he had taught him to use a staff instead and Connor seemed a prodigy with it. He was disappointed at first not being allowed to use the weapon that everyone else knew at least a little to wield, but the staff opened up a different world to him. With its length he was able to keep others at bay and not let them close enough to use their own weapons against him, unless they threw it at him which would then unarm them.
As he practiced he got faster and more accurate with where he wanted the staff to hit. He could even deflect some arrows that were shot at him, so fast was he at spinning the weapon. But, he still had the little problem of dropping it when he was spinning it around himself, doing the more showy fancy movements that looked good but were difficult to achieve, and not drop the staff. It also worked well against more than one foe, deflecting attacks that came from behind, if that was what he was practicing at the moment.
As he grew older and became more adept at it, Connor was able to win against the other boys his age and then even the older ones. Soon he was almost unbeatable, winning over even groups of three or four that he practiced against. Only the more experienced adults could still win over him, and even those had a hard time of it.
Mulling this over, Connor was glad Kade never let him use a sword. Now he knew what could happen if he ever had his hands on one. The kind of devastation he could cause with the accursed weapon. Stroking his father’s blood streaked hair he vowed then and there never to touch a sword as long as he lived. He wasn’t sure that would be very long though. The pain of knowing what he had done hurt worse then anything else he had ever experienced. The huge lump in his throat made it difficult to breath besides being sore. His eyes were sore from his constant rubbing away tears, which didn’t help as more flowed down just as soon as he wiped them away.
Looking down at the body he held, Connor realized he wanted to die. He didn’t want to hurt another person with something he couldn’t control. The world would be a much safer place without him, besides there was nothing to live for anymore. Everyone he had ever known and loved was dead because of him. He would do it soon but he wanted to wait a little longer yet, hoping that maybe the heartache would do it for him, for that was how it felt. His heart was beating so hard and fast, he had to breathe through his mouth in order to get enough air. It felt like he wanted to empty his stomach, and wasn’t sure why he hadn’t done so already.
It had at first felt like his heart would tear open or burst watching his father die in his arms. Now he didn’t feel anything. If the pain was still there he didn’t notice it. His limbs were numb. He could move them easily enough but other then that he felt nothing, almost as if he forgot how to feel.
What did it matter anymore, he thought. It will all be over soon enough. His eyes were sticky with drying blood from having wiped away his tears. It felt good to close them. To not see anything but blackness before him. He let them slide closed thinking he would just rest them a little to relieve the sting then go find a blade and end his suffering. It would be over soon. Soon.
He awoke a while later to a hand softly shaking his shoulder. Connor opened his eyes and saw a dark figure standing over him. Squinting in the dim light he tried to discern who it is, who awoke him from his unconscious state. The dark figure reached down and helped him to his feet, then pulled him along and shuffled towards the door of the stall.
As he passes by a dead horses head, the fuzziness of where he was and what had happened started coming back to him. He remembered what Shila had told him back at her house then him running through the woods back to the village. He stopped the thought there before anything else came back. He didn’t want to remember anymore. In this weird groggy state of mind he knew that if he pushed the memory further open, he would regret it. Something was there he didn’t want coming back to him. So he just let the small stranger pull him along, through the dark night.
He didn’t know how long they walked, or where they were going. He didn’t feel like it mattered where they would end up. He just walked along behind in his numbed state, half asleep, not knowing or caring what happened. After what he was sure was a good deal of walking, he suddenly heard solid wood beneath his boots and felt a warmth hit him, but he didn’t bother looking around. The figure led him on still, but not very far this time. He was led a few more paces then gently pushed down on a soft mattress and was left alone there to fall back to a peaceful unconscious sleep.
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Damn missed a few chapters…
Oh well… these is just the same, as the last. The feeling is nice. the characters are a little less described than in the first. Like the conversation between Shila and Connor feels a little stiff.
Also it reminds me of Wheel of Time, About a kid who has this amazing magical talent but can’t control it. The previous incarnation of him destroyed a whole city while he was sleeping…
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I must say i was a little bit sceptical when i learned that this was chapter five and i haven’t read previous four(and possibly the prologue) but I liked it. Somewhere along the middle of the piece I managed to comprehend and undrestand teh character and see what kind of characters were they so that just serves well for you and your writing as you keep constant with potraying the behaviour of your characters. I also must say that i don’t usually like the stories written in present tense but with this one it didn’t matter to me much. Well done and good luck with you work:D
This was quite an interesting chapter. While I haven’t read chapters one through four, I feel the interplay between Connor and shila is very intriguing. and while this is not really my genre and I don’t relly feel qualified to offer any advice, I can say that I liked the flow and the dialogue, which transcends all genres. It seems like you’ve been writing for a while, as you appear to be polished, so I encourage you to keep up the great work!
The voice is very conversational and repetitive. A preponderance of compound sentences only exacerbate this. Somewhat descriptive, but not as vivid as it could be. Interesting drama, but the lack of dramatic tone detracts from this. I’m curious, but not exactly compelled.
“The shock of what he had just heard, froze Connor. At hearing this he just stared, unmoving, hardly breathing.” – This is a high point of drama in the story, but not only is it written in passive voice, it’s needlessly wordy and repetitive. If he froze, it implies he was unmoving. Combine it all into one sentence and put it in active voice. Something like “Connor froze, staring in shock.” has a greater impact.
“sharp breathe” – “breath”
“find a hole in what she said and prove her wrong” – Essentially redundant.
“With that Connor crosses his arms” – “With that” is an empty phrase. Simply removing it actually strengthens the sentence.
“Connor felt like an ice cold wave of water” – He felt like a wave or he felt like he had been slapped by one? Also, the rest of the narrative is in present tense, this should be “feels” instead of “felt”.
“a strengthening back” – I don’t get it.
“different then” – “different than”
“Rising slowly” – Two subsequent paragraphs begin with this. Consider revising one.
“klutziness” – I don’t know if I would use vernacular like this. Consider “clumsiness”
“A flash of white snares his attention for an instant” – I really like this sentence… until “for an instant.” The rest is clear, concise and active. The end is a needless qualifier.
“Connor asks one of the two most important questions he would ever ask him.” – Don’t need this sentence. It would be better to simply have Connor ask the question than to have the narrative explain it before the asking.
“Connor looks into his fathers eyes and sees the dull cloud of death there.” – Compound sentences are not bad, but this useage is not effective. How about “Connor sees the dull cloud of death in his father’s eyes.”
“unconscious sleep” – Redundant
““You really expect me to believe that?” he asks becoming aggravated. “ If it is really true and I am a descendant, then why have I never heard of this before. It would mean my father would have known and would have told me. He was a soldier years ago and it would have happened to him while he was fighting. I’ve never heard anything of the sort. He would have said something if it was that dangerous. I don’t believe you.” Connor crosses his arms and stares into the fire, not wanting to hear anymore of what the old woman had to say.”
That single paragraph sums up this piece. It is good, but it really shouldn’t be written in the present tense, it just puts people off. Also, your punctuation is wrong, ie: it should be ”...dangerous. I don’t believe you[,]” Connor crosses his arms and…”
Other than that, it is a very nice piece. Good luck and keep writing.
Slán leat!!!
Ok – there’s a big problem: In the first few paragraphs. Connor is talking and acting in the present tense (imperfect), yet Shila’s actions are in the Past Tense (Perfect). This ruins the story I’m afraid…especially as later Shila returns to the Past Tense for narration… it makes no sense.
The dialogue is also a bit formal sometimes, too many words, as if you’re getting the charachters to read their lines to each other from a script.
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